my story

[Pinkgurl]

I have lived and functioned with anxiety for a long time until things went south .

My boyfriend was having a procedure and I was anxious . I had to pick him up after so I made a plan to be there a tiny bit early . Our car had no ac and I decided to go home then come back . They were to call me when he would be coming out . I got to clinic and waited in car with windows down and about 15 min later got call to look out for them to come out . So I saw people coming out and being picked up and I stayed put . I didn’t want to miss him coming out . But it was getting later and later and I was trying to hold the course and wait despite the heat . Drank the water I brought for him even . Nothing . And finally my boyfriend calls and says he wanted to call as he’s been sitting forever waiting to go and it’s not happening . I told him I was feeling hot and had to run inside but I felt too weak to walk . The heat and not eating for hours had me in a bad way . But I went in stopping to sit part way through so is make it . Got to bathroom and splashed face and then dizzy sat in the wait area to try and cool . But then he texts me I have to come get him he’s coming out finally .and that the dr left him hanging and did another procedure !!!

Two hours I waited in the hot car and now that I was finally trying to cool off I have to go back out . I told him I don’t think I can do it I’m too weak and hot . But he said I had to . Rules . I tried to plea one more time but I got pressured . So I got him and first chance I let him drive . And we went home in the hot car . Couple days later my ear blocked up overnight and I thought fun my allergies . I was stressed still and now this . So I gave in and decided to go to cvs clinic for it as it wasn’t clearing up . So we drove in the no ac car there and I was upset and my bf and I had argument over the car ac not being fixed . Well by time I got there and in back my bp was sky high ( I also have had minor white coat anxiousness prior ) and it freaked me out ! The np was great and talked me down and it lowered some , but , I was feeling really bad at that point . And to top it my ear was perfectly clear ! So I had come there stressed myself out more and all for nothing ! Phantom ear muffle ! That night I felt terrible and woke with excess dry mouth . And my ear issue was still there and I felt so stressed and shaky . I got scared because I knew my bp was high the other day and tried another immediate med (as I didn’t have insurance) . Same stressed out bp read and then they had emergency there and ambulance came and we left with nothing but a high bp and he could not do a thing without bloodwork for that . So I started getting hot . I’d be hot for hours and then I’d get chills as it finally broke . I was miserable and scared . Had cuff at home and my bp was fine when at Home and not anxious . Took daily and it was fine . So figured it must be the white coat anxiety . Told np about the dry mouth and hot and then chills and ear issue . She set up bloodwork thinking hyperthyroid because of symptoms. But eventually bloodwork came back fine . I had taken a stress anxiety questionare prior to going because it was in paperwork . I guess my honest responses plus bloodwork results were what led to her diagnosing me with GAD . I was literally now a bundle of nerves barely functioning daily . In a matter of a couple awful things happening I had reached my threshold . I was both stressed and became depressed because I couldn’t function daily . I had no energy from it all . My sleep was terrible because out of blue I was hot then cold all night . I was having ear issue and dry mouth every day . It was getting old . I did intake for therapy pretty quickly ... but every time I had therapy lined up something went wrong and it was cancelled . The one I was to go to left the clinic ! It took me begging for help on portal as my daily life was worse each day to get what I thought was therapy . But it turned out to just be someone doing the same as intake did and asking me questions about my life history and what might have caused all this anxiety etc . I was more and more depressed and fearful . I told them again and a therapist finally squeezed me in and I had last minute appt . But she just asked me about my history and just talked with me for the whole time too . And she made another appt but it was a month plus away ! I have struggled and got worse just to get through to it and had it and the whole hour this time was all about GAD . And I already knew most of it from learning on my own ! 😭 I told her I was miserable and depressed and nothing was told to me that was helpful to cope with any of it . I was told have a schedule to stick to ( already have been ) and to use you tube videoes to help me sleep . Basically I waited a month to get therapy and it was nothing to help me ! I was thinking at least she would have a plan in place by this second appt . Nope . So now I wait as all she gave was a bi weekly appt when we had the first impromptu squeeze in talk . And my next one after that she just gave is over a month later after that one ! So I’m wondering to myself if I will ever get any help or if I’m just going to keep suffering . This stuff is horrible . Only thing I did finally learn at first appt is dry mouth and the ear thing is anxiety symptoms . Who knew it effected things like that ... not me . But the fact is I need to get therapy to actually get my symptoms better ! I’m so ready to do the work . Just not the breathing exercise part cause when I’m anxiety laden I can’t breathe well . Plus I now got allergy and my nose is super stuffed and allergy meds cause dry mouth 😣 . Other than that , Ive been ready since I first was diagnosed and learned what I have . I have been ready to jump in to recovery . But here I am on here trying to find hope and support because I feel so alone and like I will Never get actual help . And I no longer function like I used to . I’m now frustrated and depressed mainly because I want to get help and I’m not getting any yet in 4 months . I feel honestly that if I had therapy from the get go I would never have ended up this bad ! I’m now thinking of looking at meds just to get me through . I did not want that initially because I really wanted to try therapy first . Avoid the worry of meds and side effects etc . But this long in and I’m just fed up and ready to do SOMETHING about this ! Even if it’s medication . I’m stuck using this one source for therapy because of a low income program I did get into . I am thankful but also I’m unhappy because I’m stuck in a loop . So thats my story , why I’m on here . I need hope . I have learned a few things through a book and other sources . But when I’m frustrated I don’t remember to do the things I should . Go figure . Sorry my story is such a novel .

[TangledUpIn]

I want to echo catlover as that is what I was going to say. Let me add that in my experience I could never count on therapy to really help with immediate relief (either I couldn't find a good therapist, or they were good but they didn't have an opening). Look into medication and/or get real, honest reviews from people on here about what we are taking. Hopefully a good doctor will educate and work with you.

P.s. There are effective oral rinses for dry mouth.