argument

[MarileeKemp]

I got into an argument with my mom and we both ended up saying things we regret, I think. She sort of confirmed my fears though that everyone is tired of hearing about and dealing with my depression. I will talk and she won’t even bother to respond so I guess I should stop wasting my breath.

[MindfulMoment]

I’m really sorry that happened. Sometimes we all put our foot in our mouth and say things we wish we hadn’t. I think it’s important to remember that as sick of our own anxiety and depression as we become, others feel helpless and exhausted hearing about it as well. They can’t do anything to fix it and that can be very frustrating, especially when we don’t even know how to tell them to help. I don’t know if your mom is truly sick of hearing about it because I obviously don’t know her, but I think sometimes we can jump to the worst conclusion and take it personal. She may just feel burned out. Do you have other people you can speak with to kinda share the load? A therapist, friends, coworkers, other family? I know my husband used to be my go to always. It exhausted him. Especially when I wasn’t in therapy working on things. Now I try to have normal conversations with him that don’t involve my anxiety. I had completely disregarded his feelings or mental state because I was consumed with my own. That doesn’t make for a healthy relationship with anyone.

[MollyMarie in reply to MindfulMoment]

I agree with Mindfulmoment. Your friend and relatives want the best for you, however it can be so very frustrating for them to hear (what they feel are cry’s for help) your feelings and problems , which they want help you with, and cannot solve or give you answers for. It is that they DO care and want to help that causes their frustration . A therapist (even online) is something who can help. Best Wishes& Shalom

[MarileeKemp in reply to MollyMarie]

Yes you’re right, it does help to try to see things from their perspective.

[MarileeKemp in reply to MindfulMoment]

Thank you for taking the time to respond so thoughtfully. Sometimes all I can see is my own pain and it can distract me from the people around me. I do have a therapist and a few other friends but it’s like I have a constant need to be assured it’s going to be ok.

[MindfulMoment in reply to MarileeKemp]

I understand that completely. I find a lot of times I have trouble trusting myself, my gut heart or intuition. I need grounding by someone I trust. It’s something I’ve been working on a very long time but I just am not there yet. Seeing things from a different perspective and then reality is so difficult when your brain isn’t functioning properly. For me, I have a CBT journal. It’s so helpful for me. It leads you through thought, perspective, challenging that thought and writing a new perspective. It’s a skill we have to learn that most people acquire over years of healthy mental health naturally. I find a lot of the time my initial perspective is catastrophic, and downright cruel to myself. I would never be that cruel to anyone else. I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. I hope you’ll find wholeness in your life, and many baskets to put eggs. Try and remember you are never alone, and people here are always willing to listen.

[sabres4love in reply to MarileeKemp]

Needing constant reassurance is definitely something I need, as well. I know my anxiety is affecting people around me and I don't want to be a burden, but I also need to vent sometimes. Is about trying to find a variety of people to talk to and not always one person, I think. I am sorry you and your mom had an argument about it and hope you can make up soon.

[Pinkgurl]

I’m sorry you are dealing with depression. I am as well . I’m new on here . But yes when we’re down it’s hard to get anyone to understand. And arguments ensue . Always the worst when someone basically shuts down on you and won’t talk . But that’s on them and not you . It takes two people to communicate and if one exits , then it ends . Maybe try and express things by writing it in a letter and giving it to her if she won’t talk . Try and use” I feel “ sentences vs “you did this or that “. Like as example : I really need you on board as a support system and I feel ........ when we argue . You fill in your own personal emotions. Has your mom learned about depression and how to be supportive of you through this ? You can always find a site that talks about depression and also about “supporting a family member with depression “ that expresses what your needs are while you cope and share it with her ( preferably when calmer heads prevail ) . I think that sometimes ( not always ) it takes others getting educated a bit about it first before they can truly help. Just throwing a couple ideas out there . I know its a rough road , but , hang on tight and be strong the best you can . That’s what I’m trying to do .

[MarileeKemp in reply to Pinkgurl]

Thank you for taking the time to respond. It is hard when I know I’m not exactly in control of my emotions. When I’m feeling calmer I will definitely try some of your suggestions.

[Pinkgurl in reply to MarileeKemp]

Hey we all have our days . I do for sure . I will believe that things will improve with you and your mom .