Tough day

[mosti001]

I've done so well pushing all my depression, anxiety, insecurities, and paranoia to the back of my mind. I've been keeping down years and years of feelings and fears and now that I have opened up a little everything is coming out including stuff I wish I never knew about. For the first time in 7 years I am surrounded by family but feel alone right now and feel I just want to run away. I am unable to see anything positive right now and have no focus whatsoever. I'm laying next to my grandmother's dog I watching and literally crying for no reason. I'm scared of what's going on.

[Agora1]

mosti001, don't be afraid in what's going on. Addressing the issues that put you in this

spot are actually a cleansing process. We may only be able to sweep our issues under

the carpet for so long before we no longer have a life but just exist.

It's very normal after getting out of the hospital to find yourself again. Using all you

have learned while working on yourself takes time. Crying is just a part of the healing

process as well as feeling alone even in a room with other people.

I think we've all felt as if we wanted to run away at one time or another. But run where??

Since what we are trying to run from is deep within us. Use this time being at your

grandmother's to get yourself together. How lucky you are to have a safe place to

work on yourself. Continue with therapy and/or your medication while going through

this healing process. You will reach your goal when the time is right. xx

[mosti001 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for your reply, I know that because this is all new to me it feels very intense and stressful. I do recognize that I am fortunate to have my grandparents during all this but my paranoia is screaming that my time is limited and need to get going. Letting go and fully accepting the situation is so hard and know I am only at the beginning.

[Agora1 in reply to mosti001]

mosti, you are not alone. We will support you through this. xx

[TailWags]

There is a reason. Might not know what it is. Might just be depression. Ive been in a similar place. It doesnt last forever. Take care.

[DodgeDhanda]

Hi M0001.

It's great that you now feel that you feel everything & that's a good thing...... I'm about to sat, ok we as people each of us have emotions & that's a great balance to have as believe it or not every emotion has a right to be in the light & have its say , be it crying watching Armageddon or laughing at Saw 7 & so on .

I also understand when U say ur surrounded but so alone & that I would say from experience its due to the fact U still looking for U & others may wish U to be 1 type,of person but U don't want to that but try to live their dream but that's utterly wrong on every level too.

I ask this in a good way. Are U the person U wish to be ? Its possible that other things have taken over U & it's how U've lost urself.

A suggestion if I may is a journal where U write everything U feel U need to pour out without having to tell others & best thing is , U can keep the writings or shred them once ur done & hopefully it helps U clear out some of those things that are in ur way .

It's not gonna be instant but it will take time to get it done & it time that U invest in urself to be the U that U want U to be.

I wish U love and light on ur journey

[mosti001 in reply to DodgeDhanda]

I wonder if I ever knew who I truly am or if I was putting on something I thought I should have. I am working to figure myself out and find what my true passions are in work and in life.

[DodgeDhanda in reply to mosti001]

That's the best for U too & do it at ur own pace & remember setbacks do happen & I remember that I used to get rather angry & upset & most of all going nowhere .

Be selfish & put finding U above all else except ur kids . U have every right to find the real U & what U truly wish to do.

Also never let others make U feel ashamed of wanting to find urself , those that do that sort of thing ..... U need to cut those sort of people out of ur life .

U go find urself my friend & if anyone says anything tell them ..Dodge said it was OK. If they ask who I am say ur imaginary friend they'll soon back off. Lol

Lastly...

I wish U love and light on ur journey.

[Lilac-4-Roses]

Thank you for your post. Feeling alone even with loved ones can be scary. You are not alone mosti001. There are many of us who have been through similar thoughts and feelings. So we do understand you.

[ShakeyD]

What is it exactly that your feel? Anxiety, depression, loneliness or perhaps emptiness. I often feel feel a lack of self worth

[ShakeyD in reply to ShakeyD]

*you feel