Feeling Like a Loser

[arcenciel]

I've been dealing with depression and anxiety now for about 2 months. My marriage is also now on the rocks. I can barely sleep at night, and I'm thinking of spending the weekend at my mother's place just to try to get some rest. I feel like such a loser at life right now. I'm almost 50 years old, and still running to Mommy for comfort. Could really use some support right now.

[Hidden]

That's the disease talking to you...tell it to leave you alone. You are not a baby going to your moms! I lost mine 29 years ago...if she were here I'd be with her all the time!!! Sending you some joy....wait...did you catch it? Have a beautiful day, I know it's hard when you're down..take a look around ..you just might find something to make you smile! Wishing you all the best! Love & Hugs! XXX

[arcenciel in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so very much for your kindness.

[Hidden in reply to arcenciel]

Pay it forward!!!!! XXX

[StarryNight72]

Dear Arcenciel,

I am 46. My favorite place in the world? My Mom’s house. There is something so soothing about being at “home” with my parents. The sound of their voices drifting into my bedroom. The way the clock in the hallway chimes. The pictures on the walls that I’ve looked at since I was a child. My old bed and the way it creaks when I roll over on my tummy. The smell of the sheets. The way the headboard feels under my hands. It’s all so achingly and comfortingly (is that even a word?) familiar. The way I see it is this. Those of us who suffer with a mental illness fight a battle every single day, usually almost every single waking moment. We fight against our brain, we fight against our “intuition”, we fight against the darkness that no one really can ever understand or see. And we do it while struggling to appear completely normal. No one ever wears a sign that says “Please be gentle with me, I’m fighting demons you can’t even imagine”. Nope we walk around looking and acting completely normal while struggling and fighting this CHRONIC illness. It’s exhausting. So, if you need to take a break from the fight for a few days, why beat yourself up? Even the greatest of battles called a truce to rest. Go. Relax in peace for a few days and refuse to feel guilty for giving yourself the gift of comfort. You deserve it.

[arcenciel in reply to StarryNight72]

God bless you for this post. I really needed to see this today.

[arcenciel]

Update: I spent Friday night at my mom's house. Armed with ear plugs, a sleep mask, and an increase in my clonazepam dosage, I slept from about 10PM Friday to 3PM Saturday. A bit more than I bargained for, but obviously I needed the rest. Felt good to just sleep, and even have a dream or two.

Now, unfortunately, my spouse and I physically split up yesterday, Sunday. I was gonna run to Mom's again, but then it started to feel that I had to bring so much stuff, with the next day being a work day. So I decided to stay home. I was pretty tranquil and relieved. But I just don't know what's going on. I feel aimless, directionless, fluttering in the wind. Feeling very sad. And all this while I'm waiting for a new anti-depressant to finally kick in. It's so much to deal with. Sorry to ramble.