I'm waiting for court. After many years, I still get nervous, which os okay, preferable even. There's always good nervous, as in, I'm alert and nervous if my arguments are ultimately going to prevail and if I'm going to sound stupid. And bad nervous as in for some reason or other I don't 'feel' well enough prepared, or I don't want to be handling cases in a niche area. Today is more the latter, in an area I'm getting out of.
Mostly I've just felt nervous and anxious most of the time for several months, and it has absolutely exhausted me. It's why I feel like I don't want to be alive.