I had decided to stay till the Exam and i just paid rent and i hear this and i want to move out ASAP but i paid rent for one more month and have no money to pay rent for the new place. Also the last time i tried to move out i was just sent into a week-long breakdown. And all my stuff that I have to move. Rn living on the roof and it's litterary like a sauna. Actually sweating more than a sauna. I have to focus on my exam because on passing it with above B+ it depends my stay here on dad's child support and depends my master's degree and my ability to work in my field and to work at all and stay here. Kinda feel bad that maybe here it's worse than in mom's but i litterary just had a nightmare of mom. I know it's maybe just in my head but i still fear mom. But you see i have two traps here - i just paid rent for one more month, how to move out? And i have to pass this exam but can't because of moving out.I'm really fatigued these days. That's why ive been inactive. I litterary had no power to write. Feels like im dying. Constant panic attacks without a reason. Then medicating myself, then sleeping all day, missing all the places i have to go like to study or to buy food or to print or to take my prize for writing. I just go to the university and see everything closed. I'm really lost. I can't take care of myself because of my mental health but no help. I can't even describe it to my family that I'm traumatized as hell and can't study. Damn brokers traumatazing me and sending me here agonizing for months. Wondering if I can tell family about this.
Thank you for your responses
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Against_the_current
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What does your landlord mean by "your neighbours are watching"? That they are spying on you (which is creepy and scary"? Or is he just letting you know that they can see you if you're getting dressed or when you come out of teh shower, which is a considerate heads-up? If it's just the latter, then just close your curtains when you don't want to be seen. Sometimes that's just what we have to do to be good neighbours. But if it's the first, then perhaps your landlord should tell the neighbours to cut it out.
I wish I could do more to help. I am sending you support and continued faith in your ability to score well on your exam.
I'm not dismissing your very valid concerns, but if they are across the way, then you can probably stay there for the next month.I don't know exactly what your landlord said, but could it be that the neighbours asked your landlord to let you know out of courtesy and not because they're spying on you?
I had a nightmare about her this night. Idk how to tell her and whether her reaction would make me feel worse
I'm sure it's just a heads up thing. Otherwise I don't think the landlord would've known about the incident. I guess I'd rather know than to expose myself to other people. I usually shut every curtain to house before I shower.
That is scary and I don’t blame you one bit for reacting this way. Trigger Warning: Years ago I was at a party at my dads house and one of his “friends” put a camera in our bathroom. I know my 4 year old and I went to the bathroom during that party and now we are both on video somewhere. Makes me sick and feels violating. He was arrested a few years later thankfully.
Just wanted you to know your feelings are completely valid. And hopefully it was just a “heads up” kind of situation. Sending you support and comfort!
Calm down. Cool down. Take your few days to get to your normal self. No need to take any decision hurriedly. At the same time a) If it is a fear of dark or closed spaces then keep the curtains partially open or put a wax paper on 2/3 or half of the glass b) If it was abuse for no reason, then calm down, complete the session and move elsewhere c) If it was a carelessness on ur part, and landlord was right, be bold, correct ur mistake and move on (saying sorry is needed only if u were rude to landlord). Best wishes
I don't know, it sounds like you need to feel ok anywhere in yourself you are ok , we all live to ourselves n how we feel and then our patients lie how they feel. We r getting more isolated as species m we need to blame ourself which makes us stressed, don't forget everyone is acting n lying you are not less adequate
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