Cannot Commit

[Smudger0122]

I have struggled mentally and physically for the last year.

The year before that I was diagnosed with a Brain Tumour and Essential thrombycythemia.

Hit a wall last year out the blue, been anxious since with everything. Gradually worse with it.

Including intrusive thoughts as well, which were difficult.

Also im very indecisive, worry a lot.

Always thinking worse case.

Scared to step out of comfort zone.

Not on any anti depression tablets, want to stay clear of these.

Anyone else sympathise with this?

I'm supposed to be going away on holiday in 3 weeks, still nothing booked.

Scared to pay to go abroad and then not manage to board plane, scared that whilst away want to get home.

The worry makes me feel sick, and really low.

How do you beat this?

Scared that Im failing my family by not going away, the holiday that we all deserve.

Thanks

Smudger

[Starrlight]

Hi! You’ve been through a lot… please try to go easy on yourself. Whatever will happen will happen. Try to think positive and expect the positive to come your way.

[Smudger0122 in reply to Starrlight]

But anxiety feels like negatives will be only outcome, and makes the positives feel far and few between.

Then the physical feelings really kick in, which makes it difficult.

Then the low mood, which kicks in

[Starrlight in reply to Smudger0122]

I do understand. Anxiety is cruel and a liar.

What physical symptoms do you get?

Yup I too have felt down after having high anxiety

We can remind our brain that anxiety/the fear is not actually necessary and that we are only us being present if that makes sense…

Not easy I know. All we can do is our best… hang in there.

Do you have a therapist?

[Smudger0122 in reply to Starrlight]

No to therapist, tried CBT then onto text psychology support.Been tough really as was hoping they would wave the magic wand.

Physical is the empty pit of belly, sometimes sick feeling.

Get hot as well, then I can go low and a bit zoned out.

I think I had an eureka moment this morning.

Trying to work out my fear and worry, I think its about dates.

Its the whole counting down thing.

Dates being set, like when I went through surgery build up, blood tests, BMB,spleen tests and results.

All had dates, days of worrying and waiting about my health.

Reliving my countdown to the dates for my surgery, which I went in twice for. All reawaiting dates.

Both times scared the crap out of me!

Second time having to go and lay on the op bed was difficult.

Then it all links with not being in control, all that time was being dictated by specialists, letters and dates.

Again still awaiting news with work, all waiting and worrying

Setting a holiday date, or any date for a future event gets me anxious.

Like a countdown clock, also witj holidays im giving myself over to the tour operator, the pilot, the taxi service. The hotel room Ive not seen. Then I can't get home.

Can't believe how much it can affect you, when you suffer with Anxiety.

All this to contend with, and a family who don't suffer and appreciate it. Its hard.

[Starrlight in reply to Smudger0122]

I get that sick feeling and I bet it’s hard for you to eat then…

Dates oh yes , the waiting and worrying can be torture even though we know the worrying won’t change results. But we tend to do it until we can find a way to ease worry and stay in the present and be patient Anxiety is tricky that way.

[Spooky99]

Yes!!! I’m 55. I’m terrible at making decisions. We went on vacation a few weeks ago & it had me a wreck just packing. I don’t want to travel anymore. I told my husband my nerves are too bad. I like to be home. I do work every day. I’m on medication. I think I would have did myself in years ago without it. But that’s just for me. It has worked wonders. Don’t be so hard on yourself! Remember the things we worry about , don’t happen anyway. You have been through a lot.. so give yourself a break. Maybe EarPods with music? A game on your phone? Talking to one of us? Reach out anytime 🙏

[Smudger0122 in reply to Spooky99]

That's kind of you, thanks.Today been a struggle, feel so indecisive and that once any holiday booked and paid!

Im commited, no turning back.

It's that, that worries me. Silly, but I think it feels like the no turning back option I had when was going to hospital for Surgery.

Not once, but twice!

Thank you

[Spooky99 in reply to Smudger0122]

I get it!!!!! It’s knowing you have to!!! Take the pressure off and think if you feel that bad you can do whatever you want!!! I wish I could be more help. I know it is awful. People don’t get it!!! Maybe a book , something to distract yourself? I’ll pray for you