Does this sound like you?

[Mofro]

Hello anyone and everyone. I haven't been here for quite awhile, but tonight I felt compelled to. Sadly, it's often desperation that drives me to seek support, and when things get to be more manageable I drift away.

Does this sound like you?

I don't believe it's a case of being selfish, although there are times we all need to be. I've tried to help where I could in the past if I could relate to something someone had posted, or to simply let them know they aren't alone. I try not to post about my own issues until things seem so futile that my own thoughts honestly start to scare me. Like today, like tonight.

Does this sound like you?

I've had a terrible day from the start where absolutely nothing has gone right. This could describe a lot of my days anymore, but then there are days like this one. Everything seems so off kilter, like I'm having some sort of bad reaction to a drug. Like my brains are actually turning over inside my head. Intellectually, I know it's because I'm feeling so overwhelmed by my life situation that it's causing more anxious depression than I usually feel. When I say nothing has gone right, I know I'm not simply whining because everything hasn't gone my way. I know I'm in trouble.

Does this sound like you?

It starts with one thing, then the next and on and on. I feel it must be my own fault in some way, and I become my own worst enemy. Many times when I feel a day starting this way, I can manage to find something to pull myself out of it and manage to salvage something. Then there are days like today when I know nothing at all is going to work. So I look forward to just going to bed, if I can get any sleep because of how I'm feeling, and hope when I wake up I won't find a continuation of the day before.

Does this sound like you?

I feel I need to run from something, when in reality it's from myself. I feel the need to run to someone, but there's no one to run to. Not anymore. They're all a distant memory.

Does this sound like you?

On days like this there isn't any vision of the future to comfort me, because life itself has become so empty. Man wasn't meant to be alone, no matter how much of an introvert we may be. Memories don't comfort me, because they only bring pain. They only serve to remind me of a time when I wasn't alone, and I had so much future ahead of me. The past, the present and the future all seem so painful. I just want it all to stop.

Does this sound like you?

So I've come here tonight in desperation. Maybe I felt simply typing these words would bring me some sort of comfort in and of themselves. When I read them back, they only sound as empty, lonely and as futile as everything else. They bring no comfort, but I tried. Sometimes nothing can turn a day around no matter what. On a day like this.

I honestly hope none of this sounds like you.

[Agora1]

Hi Mofro... You wrote a very impactful post that I felt that I needed to respond.

I'm sorry that you find yourself in desperation but am happy that you choose to

reached out to us.

Of course I don't want you to feel selfish by reaching out for support. This site

is for us when we find ourselves in desperate need as well as in helping others.

But know that YOU must always take care of yourself first or you can't help anyone.

Yes, there are days when nothing seems to go right. When we become overwhelmed

with a life's situation, we can no longer think clearly and rationally. I know you are

not whining but hurting significantly and we are here because we care.

As the situations of the day pile on and on, we may tend to think that it is our fault

but then we become our own worst enemy. Going to bed to escape the issues of the

day will give you some respite but doesn't necessarily solve the situation.

I think most of us in your situation have felt the need to run but there is no one

or no where to run to. The enemy is within ourselves.

On days like this, we can't relive the past or worry about the future. Our refuge

must be to stay in the present moment because that is all we have.

You came here tonight because subconsciously you knew there were others who

would understand your pain, your desperation, your loneliness. This is but one day

in the life of Mofro. Don't allow it to ruin the days that lie ahead for you.

One day at a time. Let me tell you that none of this sounds like myself.

I am here to give you hope and comfort in allowing you to know that you aren't

alone. My secret in that "this doesn't sound like myself" is because I have excluded

all the negativity out of my life. I live in a positive realm of Hope & Belief that things

happen for a reason. Maybe the reason for you today, is that it brought you back

to us again. I care xx

[Mofro in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for your kind words Agora1. I know much of what you say is true, and I hope I'm feeling less overwhelmed tomorrow. Days like these remind me of a quote I once read, although I can't remember the source.

"We are told to learn self-reliance, but it’s tricky if you have no self on which to rely."

That's how I feel today. But yes, today is only one day.

[mizzou7016]

Sometimes we really need to be reminded that in some instances it is ok if the only thing you do for the day is move from the bed to the couch....sometimes it is all we can do to just breathe and make sure we get through the day....there is hopefully a tomorrow and maybe we can do a little bit more tomorrow...One breath at a time my friend....one step at a time...and I am also like you in a lot of ways.....I try to help everyone i can because it makes me feel somewhat better....but at the same time....I neglect making sure that I am taking care of myself because I also consider it selfish. One thing I've learned in the last year or so is that not only is it ok to put myself not only on the priority list...but to put myself at the top....it's necessary....it's how we survive

[Mofro in reply to mizzou7016]

Yes, mizzou7016. That's what I meant by sometimes we need to be selfish. Sometimes it is a matter of survival. Or as Agora1 stated, YOU must always take care of yourself first or you can't help anyone. Very true.

[mizzou7016 in reply to Mofro]

but sometimes i take care of myself by helping others....it is the greatest feeling sometimes

[Mofro in reply to mizzou7016]

Yes indeed. It is the greatest feeling to help others. I wish I could more than I do, not just on here, but anywhere. My sense of self, or lack thereof, is problematic in that I don't feel I have much to offer anyone anymore because my world is progressively getting smaller. Something to work on I suppose, although I feel I'm in a 40 ft. hole without a flashlight or a ladder. Intellectually, I know it's all in the mind, but the mind is extremely powerful. It has the ability to make or break lives.

I also don't see helping others as an act of selfishness myself, but a virtue.

[mizzou7016]

and please don't ever give up hope that tomorrow will be better...sometimes hope is all we have

[Mofro in reply to mizzou7016]

Today was better, so that's something. I got out of the house and took an hour walk in my favorite park. Then I sat on a park bench and fed my squirrel friends as well as some Cardinals that hang around to get the scraps. I love nature and wildlife, and often find refuge in them. In the evening I took a long drive with both of my windows down, enjoying the summer night. I love the summer nights, and wait each year for them to roll around. On the way back home, I noticed a lot of people were starting to shoot fireworks, and pulled over on the side of a road to watch them for awhile.

Thank you for your comments and kindness.

[Tealpillow in reply to Mofro]

Mofro that is a beautiful day Good on you for getting out of the house and being in nature. I have a little bird sanctuary in my front yard and sometime I just sit and watch the birds to calm down. So healing and grounding.

[Mofro in reply to Tealpillow]

It was a good day. I wish I could say today was also. It was extremely difficult to even get groceries today, but it was either that or go without. Haven't had much of an appetite recently though, and have lost around 10 pounds I don't need to lose in short time. Wrapped in intense anxiety due to the unknown ahead. Anxiety and it's partner depression have got their game down. Thank you for your thoughts. 🙂

[Tealpillow in reply to Mofro]

Im so sorry today was difficult. On the one hand it’s good these emotions come in waves and recede, but it also means they come back. Just when I’m making progress something triggers me and boom I’m a mess all over again. You are right that depression/anxiety have their game down!

Just this week I ordered groceries through InstaCart and had them delivered because of my issues. And that’s okay. My family got fed which is the main point. I just want you to know you aren’t alone in your struggles even if it feels that way. And maybe you can find one thing to reduce your burden today. One thing to put a smile on your face. Hugs!