Inconsistent Mother

[aWorriedOne]

I have had a struggle with my mom for a very long time. Anytime I ever have emotional stress or mental crisis, she takes it as I am angry at her. I just started not opening up to her and called it there. Eventually, I needed to temporarily move back home and I expressed my worry about her views on my mental health and she told me she's changed and is accepting and willing to work with me, and even thanked me for bringing it up. I thought we would be able to rebuild our relationship. It seemed to work, I was talking to her more, but as time went on, that foundation began to crack.

She returned to assuming I was mad or upset at her anytime i enter the room and I do not appear to be happy and chipper. This has led to me being in my room more and more. She complains that I don't talk to her or open up, but if I do, she gets upset. I grew used to it over this last year again, so I've found other outlets to express my mental health problems (like this website).

Well, my brother married. My sister in law is a great person, she is very kind and timid and has her own issues. I have watched my mom turn into a mental health superhero for her while she struggles with her problems. She even talks to me about how she listens to her problems and talks her through it. It takes everything in my power to not burst into tears. My sister in law can cut her hair or change her outfit and my mom will throw so many compliments at her, but I walk in and show her I cut 4 inches off my hair and she just says "oh thats nice." But when I am as my brother's and we're all talking, my mom might say something like "oh you look like you lost weight", in front of my sister in law, and after i say thanks, she'll look at my sister in law and say "its good to compliment people."

But when its just us at home, she doesn't do any of this. I can boast about something great happening and she glosses over it. I don't know how to feel. It hurts so much.

[hypercat54]

That sounds like she is worried that she gave you mental health problems and feels guilty.

As she doesn't have emotional investment in her daughter in law she treats her differently.

[scansnap]

It sounds like your mother could use a good therapist. Hypercat54 has made a good point in that she may be hiding her own guilt about your problems. In any case there is something going on in her head that she has never shared with you that strongly affects your relationship. I doubt if she would be willing to talk to you about it, but she might be willing to talk to a therapist about it. If you could understand her thoughts more clearly, your own thoughts about the situation might change as well.

[aWorriedOne in reply to scansnap]

I'm not sure that is something she'd be willing to do, but I do understand what you and hypercat54 say. I try not to get too upset about seeing these differences but it is hard.