Lost Footsteps: A Journey of Healing and Hope

[Hellenlb]

My name is Hellen 25 years old. At the age of 17, I made the brave decision to leave my home in Sudan and start a new life in Europe. I am half Eritrean and half Ethiopian by heritage, but I had never lived in either country. Growing up as a refugee, life was challenging, to say the least. However, when I received a full scholarship to complete my high school education in the Netherlands at the age of 17, I saw it as a chance for a better future.

Little did I know that this opportunity would come with its own set of difficulties. Ever since I arrived in Europe, I have been plagued by feelings of depression, stress, and anxiety. Nightmares haunt my sleep, and I find it hard to focus on my studies. I hate myself for what feels like eight wasted years as if I haven't accomplished anything. My childhood was overshadowed by abuse—both physical and mental—and my mother's narcissism made it even more challenging.

Although I appear strong on the outside, pretending to have it all together, the truth is that I am a very fragile person. Unfortunately, everyone, including my parents, believes I am strong because I am in Europe. They expect me to provide financial support for the entire family, adding to the weight of my anxiety. Graduating from university has become a distant dream. I was supposed to graduate in 2022, but now it seems like 2024 is a more realistic goal, although I'm unsure if I will even make it.

I feel trapped in what they call a "comfort zone." Life in Europe has been relatively comfortable compared to my past, and it has made me lazy and afraid of taking risks or facing challenges. On top of that, I carry the burden of trauma, depression, and anxiety, possibly even more undiagnosed mental health disorders. I tried seeking help from various psychologists for over five years, but the mental health system in the Netherlands has only worsened my situation.

So, what can I do? How can I help myself when I feel so alone and lonely? These questions constantly race through my mind, as if I'm running in circles without any answers. But deep down, I know I cannot let myself be consumed by despair, but HOW?

[Marysblue]

You are strong. It takes a strong person to battle depression. Try to find a counselor or someone who could talk to you. Church pastor. There are meds you could try there's even natural meds that you can buy in the store. Just Google natural antidepressants or read my last post. Also walking or exercise. gratitude journaling. Quit alcohol , eat well. I had to quit gluten.

[fauxartist]

The fact that you survived all of what it took to get to the Netherlands, and I'm sure having to learn the language wasn't an easy adjustment, culture, food, comforts from home, all of that and on top of it all, not having the best support from home other than demands.

It's not fare, you haven't even had time to recover from all the stress, trauma and anxiety of getting to a new part of the world to survive and try to thrive. I will tell you that Norway does have a huge therapy support system available, as well as financial support for education and living. I would talk to a therapist and find a good fit who understands your circumstances.

[Stippler]

I posted a reply earlier but I removed it because I began to think it would not be helpful. What I would like to say is, please do not give up while seeking help. The more persistent you are, the greater your chances of finding help. Sending prayers. 🙏🙏🙏

[Sylvain-]

Hi Hellen,

I don't have any solution, sorry for that.

But what I can tell is you are a really strong and courageous person. I wished I dared to move to a different country when I was younger. But I am even afraid to speak a foreign language. I always admire people that jump into an unknown culture. You may have different feelings right now—but undoubtedly, you have great strength and capabilities.

Besides looking for professional help, I may eventually suggest posting here about the individual difficulties you encounter. There are a lot of people on the forum that struggles with the same problems, and that may help you.

For something completely different: you said you go to university. What do you study?

[Hellenlb in reply to Sylvain-]

Bachelor of International studies with focus on the Middle East and North Africa

[Sylvain- in reply to Hellenlb]

That sounds pretty interesting. Do you plan for a particular career, or was it a domain you chose because of personal interests without too much consideration for potential employment?

[Atthepark]

Ypu are an amazing person don't give up!! We are here for u in your journies