Is anyone else just medicated and then forgotten?

[catergator]

I have social anxiety so bad. To the point of panic attacks, and then self-isolation just to avoid having to deal with people and the entire situation. I feel like people are talking about me and watching me, which makes me stutter and fumble things with my hands. The attention is on me then, if it really wasn't before. It's so awful. Well I'm tired of medications. They never truly help, they just mask the symptoms. For the first time in my 43 years I am actually ready to deal with my trauma. I want to know why I am the way I am, so I am researching therapists and I know it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be some work. But I'm ready to be "normal". Not stuck in this cycle.

[downinthecrud]

Hi CG, I understand about the medications. I want to be off them too. When I try, the depression comes back. I feel caught in the system. I find therapy very helpful, just very important to find someone you click with. Best of luck to you. Chat anytime

[catergator in reply to downinthecrud]

I am researching the different kinds of therapy and the techniques that will most benefit me. Luckily there is a lot of data to look at. I didn't even know that Trauma therapy was a thing until my last crisis. It's just like I have a crisis, get about 5 meds and then nothing, just come back and see us. No real solution to the problem. The meds will help me get a little better, but then my "behavioral issues" like self-sabatoging will make it worse than when it started. I have to figure out what led me to be this way and what I can do to change it. I am my own worst enemy.

[downinthecrud in reply to catergator]

I think a lot of people here can relate to, “I am my own worst enemy”. I’ve thought sometimes that mental illness is like an autoimmune disease. The brain attacking itself.

[catergator in reply to downinthecrud]

Absolutely, and not even realizing what your doing until it's happening.

[designguy]

Here is my answer to a similar recent posting:

I dealt with social anxiety for years without knowing what was really going on for me but have healed it.

My suggestion is to find a therapist that specifically treats social anxiety and work with them if you can, they typically use exposure and group therapy as part of their process. If the isn't one available near you, you might try online programs and even check out youtube for videos/information about it. i did an online program from the socialanxietyinstitute.org which was helpful although I would have preferred an in-person group. You might also check out Sebastiaan at Social Anxiety Solutions on youtube, his program looks very good also. You can also check out my recent post on Coping With Anxiety for info on dealing with anxiety in general that is all applicable also to social anxiety.

Social anxiety comes from your learning and believing things about yourself that aren't true and distorts your perceptions of how people see you and how you see them. You may have had instances where you were called out or bullied or some other kind of event when you were young and now you think everyone is hyperfocused on you and judging you all the time which is no longer true. The reality is that they aren't and are too caught up in their own lives. You may also be suffering from shame and low-self-worth and have difficulty validating yourself which can feed the social anxiety. There is a lot of good info on youtube about healing self-worth.

What also really helped me was realizing one day at work that people really did like me and enjoyed my company when I had thought the opposite for years. It takes commitment and determination but you can heal and recover from social anxiety if you are willing to face your fears of which you will find are not all that big after all.

I also realized that I was suffering from c-ptsd from being bullied and growing up in an emotionally repressive household and being punished and shamed for showing any signs of being proud of myself or trying to stand up for myself. i found a therapist that specifically treated trauma/c-ptsd and used emdr as part of the therapy and found it really helpful for my emotional healing and helping my social anxiety.

[catergator in reply to designguy]

What you wrote is spot-on. That is exactly how I feel. I live in a really small, rural town in Alabama and my husband died 13 years ago in a drunk driving wreck. We had two small boys. Instead of doing what was right, I self-medicated the pain away and developed quite a reputation. This town has no compassion, and didn't understand what I was going through. So everyone had an opinion, and I heard them all the time. So, yes, people used to talk. They might not now, but I feel they still do. It has made such an impact on my life that I want to move, the only time I feel safe and secure in my own skin is when nobody knows who I am. My boys are 23 and 21 now, and I am sober, but I can't outlive the gossip and hating I get. It has made me quit jobs, like 3 in 2 weeks. Its terrible. I wish people could give second chances, or heck mind their own business, but they don't. Got to love living in the South. But I can relate my situation to what your saying, this could be in my mind at this point. But even if it's just there, it's so powerful that it's taken over my life!!

[designguy in reply to catergator]

Once you are aware of what is really going on you then have the power of choice and realize that it's up to you to make whatever changes are necessary for your own mental health and best interests, and the only one stopping you is you.

I can definitely relate to the southern attitude, I have relatives in Mississippi, Tennessee and South Carolina and loath the prejudice and double standards that permeates it.

Most of us were not taught how to love and accept ourselves and put our needs first and were even punished and shamed for trying to do so as kids like I was so it's something we need to learn, cultivate and practice for ourselves and validate ourselves but it is essential for really taking care of ourselves.

[NiceManSeeksRomance]

I agree with Design Guys suggestions. Just to emphasize and elaborate...

-Yes, I think long term reliance and dependence on meds is not the solution, and there are long term risks (which I experienced)

-Avoid generic therapists with no sense at all of exposure therapy concepts, because support alone is not enough to reduce the anxieties, and I wasted years just talking endlessly about how I feel.

-If possible, find some supportive understanding people anywhere close in your community who understands the local cultural pressures of a small town. That is a unique challenge I imagine.

-Try to practice reducing the self judgements, but trust me that is hard, I know.

[catergator in reply to NiceManSeeksRomance]

Thank God I found a job at a place that understands my struggle over the weekend. They are all in similar situations, so I can he myself there and that's so freeing. To not have to worry what anyone is thinking about me, or to glance up and catch people staring at me. It's amazing. It's like a breath of fresh air. That makes one of the biggest issues I'm having not so much of a problem. But the advice you gave about it therapy is greatly appreciated. This is my first time putting in true effort to better myself mentally, and it's hard to break patterns of thinking and behavior we have created in our lives. I do understand they are false and not serving me all though, and I'm sure thats a good start. The realization that most of this is my own doing was overwhelming, and then the realization that it's a habit and I can change it was a break through. Just a little bit of hope when I had none. I know it's not gonna be easy, and I'm gonna fail at first, but I am a very determined person, and I don't give up! So as far as finding people in the South that aren't judgemental and are understanding of what I went through and how I chose to cope with it, that's a very hard thing to do. My husband was a popular football playing good ole boy with alot of friends, I on the other hand was born a social outcast it seems, so most of the public opinion favors me being a piece of crap mom who abandoned her kids after their dad died. The truth was alot more complex, but I quit explaining a long time ago. So all I can do is fix me, hope for the best, and hopefully move!!! It's a lot more of a even playing field in a town no one knows me.