girl, just stop.

[SourMelon]

I wish I didn’t get triggered so easily and I know you do too. It’s so hard to know whats going on around me since this started. Constantly stuck between “my triggers are my own responsibility and no one else’s” and “you seem to be triggering me on purpose”. I guess I should be stronger. I should have more self control. I should know that when you say things that hurt, it has more to do with you than me. I should stop letting triggered people trigger me. I should be more confident in who I am. I should learn to accept people as they are and stop seeing them for their potential. I should let people go when they trigger me often. I should run more. I should run less. I should stop shutting down. I should stop blaming others. I should stop blaming myself. I should stop crawling into bed every time my feelings are hurt. I should really just stop.

[RupertBrown]

This was so well written, and it's apparent that you've thought about these things a lot. I saw a lot of "I shoulds". I worry how much of this is just sorting through your thoughts and how much is frustration. I'm not going to presume to know the answer, but if it's more the latter, please be patient with yourself. You've very succinctly hit on some crucial things. Things that aren't easily resolved and I hope that you give yourself the leeway and the time to work through them. Sending you strength and peace in these trying times.

[SourMelon in reply to RupertBrown]

I believe I was super frustrated when I wrote it, but it’s a place I always go back to. It’s hard for me to sit in my feelings and not think about the other angle. My therapist has been helpful, like living paycheck to paycheck. I’m trying my best to see a psychiatrist but it keeps getting delayed. In the meantime, I’m following my therapists advice and trying to be patient with myself.

Thanks so much for taking the time reply.

[Against_the_current]

Hey, no need to judge yourself so harsh. I'm also always triggered. I can't go outside, talk with family, see some things without being triggered. And this is rough. So we deserve some self-compassion.

[SourMelon in reply to Against_the_current]

thank you, I think I try but it’s hard for me to find the line between self pity + self compassion.

[Against_the_current in reply to SourMelon]

I hear you. It is hard but it's worth to try. Self-compassion doesn't feel bad while pity does. That's what helps me make difference

[SourMelon in reply to Against_the_current]

that’s actually really good! I’ll try to implement it.