Stop creating my own negative experiences.

[PLT1]

I wish I could stop being my own worst enemy. My insecurities and social anxiety cause people to not want to be around me. How do I stop creating the experiences with people that make me feel so bad. You know how your behavior causes the things you don't want. They say you create your experiences in life. How do I stop doing that when you don't know you are doing it. When depression and anxiety makes you insecure, sad, nervous, and exhausted, when you are medicated and things don't really change it is just so frustrating. I just wish someone had the answer!

[4woody]

There first thing I had to do to not be my own worst enemy was to accept myself. Step two was be kind to myself. This is hard. I keep doing it the best I can in hopes of one day actually liking myself. But just doing those first two things honestly resulted in people either liking me or at the least being kind most of the time. When someone is unkind to me it is just as likely on them, not me.

[Icewall42]

Well, I'm new here, and I don't know if this will help at all (it's still a bit controversial), BUT I will put it out there... because I know how frustrating it is to suffer and not have any answers.

Please please please talk to a doctor if you can, and if it's not legal where you are, then don't risk it. But what knocked out most of my social anxiety? Medical Marijuana.

I used it as vapor and tincture for about a year (NEVER smoke it), under my doctor's supervision of course. It is legal where I live, and I have a medical card and buy from state-regulated dispensaries. I think it helped me see that social situations weren't as scary or painful as I thought, and what others thought of me began to matter much less. I never had to be high, and actually I never was, since I used CBD-rich strains.

The best news? I don't have to take Medical MJ anymore for it. I learned what I needed to about social situations while I was using it (exposure therapy?), and can now continue to put those skills to use without it. It helped me to see what mattered, and what really didn't, and I'd been living with social anxiety for almost 20 years. I still get nervous in front of people of course, but it's much more manageable.

Please note, this is in regard to social anxiety. Your mileage may vary with depression and GAD. I wasn't successful in those regards with MJ.

If this isn't for you, don't lose hope. Like I said, it's not legal or accepted everywhere. There might or might not be age-restrictions. And there are other more accessible options.

I also had to work on some behavior modification for myself. I had to force my thought patterns to change. I told myself that what others thought of me didn't matter until one day I actually started believing it. Now, I don't think the goal should be to stop creating "bad" situations around others. They are going to happen anyway, at some point or another. What matters is how you respond to those situations. Do you run? Do you face them? Do you brush them off and move on?

This isn't as easy as it might sound. It's really hard work. But the more you expose yourself to them, and behave as if the "bad" stuff doesn't matter, the closer you can get to coping and even enjoying some social occasions. That's how it went for me, and as I said, it took the better part of a year.

[Hidden]

I have no answer because I suffer from this myself but I can tell you that are not alone in your struggle and there are a lot of people here who can offer you a kind word when you need it.

[Strivingtochange]

I have social anxiety and general anxiety also. I agree, the more anxious I am the more people do not want to be around me. I have tried antidepressants, but I did not find one that was worth the side effects and they were more for depression and I am anxious. I have went to counseling and have tried to change my way of thinking. You are not alone. I wish I had answers. I have searched for a support group, but have no luck finding one for anxiety. Maybe there is one in the area you live. I am a good listener. I’m grateful for this site because if helps me to remember I am not alone.

[Hidden]

I have a somewhat similar situation. I've had to approach it from several angles:

-see a doctor

- get a good therapist (where I set weekly goals addressing social anxiety)

-if you have anyone, send a text (if the thought of talking overwhelms you)

- seek out a friendly group you can participate in, which interests you// church, exercise, mindfulness practice// I found this in my local newspaper

-keep posting (and replying to other posts) here

-try medicine or supplements

-self-educate w/ books, youtube, etc.

-exercise

-eat sensibly

There isn't a magic pill, but these things added together, have helped me.