Through my therapy, I have learnt to understand my mind has made up stories based on my Fear of a situation and not love. And the more Fear I felt the worse I felt.
The stories I tell myself are just an illusion, things I made up about things that really happened, yet distorted or impacted, made worse due to my lack of love and the Fear in me.
Can you share these thoughts with me.
Hi, that sounds relatable... yes, negative self-talk really can have a person living in an illusion. I can relate to that. Many of the things I have been in constant fear of, situations I would avoid, would be based on stories that I had made up in my mind.
The hard part is to leave those illusions behind; or rather, to replace them with TRUTH. Is that a challenge for you, too? What's an example of a situation where your mind gives you an illusion, a reason to avoid something, and what is the TRUTH about that situation?
I'll start. At my workplace, I often avoid telling the supervisor or boss my needs. The illusion in my mind is, they are too busy, they want me to keep my mouth shut, it's not important enough to bother them with, they have a million other things to do that are more important, I'm not worth the trouble. The TRUTH is that they want to be as helpful as they can, within reason, to support all employees, including me. The TRUTH is that, worst case scenario, they say "no can do." The TRUTH is that I'm worth it to express my needs just as much as anyone else.
Your turn.
Hi Renizzle,
Thank you for your message, I relate to your message, I have a few examples, that range from my daily life and also from the past memories of childhood that have haunt me, yet now I understand how I have perceived the situations (untruthful, in reality the story I have told myself) I see no difference with all, I can see that my inner Fears about the situation has been my driving force.
My daughter is a busy mum, I love her very much, yet I often say to myself that I don't want to bother her as I know she is busy and I feel I will be taking up her time or that it is not convenient for her to speak with me, I suppose I don't want to feel a burden or needy, - This is my illusion I now understand this is not the truth yet I have done this for years,
The truth is my daughter loves to hear from me and has never indicated I am a burden, she is always happy to talk and we enjoy our conversations, we are great friends, I suppose now seeing the truth and I feel a little guilty from not phoning her more in the past thinking I have not supported her when I told myself different, I am mindful not to continue this almost ever ending story by telling myself it is only Fear, There is nothing to Fear.
how do you stop the cycle
I’m not sure how to stop the cycle except by practicing the opposite. For me that means approaching my boss even if I don’t necessarily need something. I could just ask her how she is doing today. Just practice to get more comfortable with having a conversation with the manager.
Maybe for you it would help to ask your daughter when a good time for a phone call would be. And then call and then tell her how much you enjoy it. Do you think that would be helpful? Honesty is usually better than avoidance, in my experience.
"Honesty is better than avoidance" that hits the spot, this makes me think of the opposite!
kind of funny reflecting now writing to you, just how crazy the stories we tell ourselves in our mind, my therapy makes reference to my ego mind, (something I had no perception of)
I understand this clearer now, I suppose its about spending too much time on self judgements, the therapy teaches to focus on the wider thoughts of Love. (kindness, joy, happiness, support and affection for another.) In this explanation I can see how I have been self absorbed and lacking the experience of love, I feel relief to understand this way and try to practice more love.
Google says a ego mindset - "They are thinking consciously about what they want, what they are doing, who they are, what other people think about them, and how things are going for them. In these situations, people are being egoic; they are highly self-absorbed, and their reactions are all about them."
Really interesting post to me. There is no way we all have fog covered glasses in every part of our life. I think we choose to put those glasses on when we are scared the most. When I stupidly pick a fight with my husband, I automatically assume he will leave me. I have some strong trauma around abandonment and when it comes to him, I have these unnecessary thoughts. When it comes to things I'm confident about, I seem to handle it ok. It is certainly something I am working very hard on with my PTSD counselor. Fight those urges and thoughts....but is is SO hard.
I think I’m in the same boat. If fear is the opposite of love (meaning all things lacking love), it can be tempting to follow our fears down to see if live exists on the other side. In my own experience, because I already feel so unlovable - I think that I have a tendency to fall for people who are emotionally unavailable because it’s somehow easier knowing that they are incapable of loving me in any meaningful way which would ultimately prove me correct.
Regardless of what facet we’re doing this in, the truth remains - by being here means that you are worthy of love. For love to exists, there must be somewhere that lacks love. Don’t allow yourself to follow your fears in search for love if you can help it.
Also this could be horrible advice and there’s a good chance I’m projecting as I’m currently falling apart. It is very good to know that someone else shares this feeling. Good luck out there!
Just looking for some advice here. I have been going nuts trying to figure out what to do.
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