rant to feel better?

[Cuprea]

I have been thinking a lot lately about the different path my life could have taken.

I’m 32 and I have a 16 year old son. A 21 year old adult man got me pregnant when I was 15. My religious parents never spoke a single word to me about safe sex, and decided without me that I would have this baby. I feel like my life was stolen from me. I’m raising him by myself and it feels impossible and unfair.

I love my son. I do everything I can for him. But I’m just so sad. I feel so alone. He’s rude, sloppy, entitled, violent and he avoids me. I am a gentle parent with very few firm boundaries. We were best friends until he turned 12, and he has been pretty consistently awful since then. He is in therapy; I hope it helps him.

I worry that I will come off as selfish or unloving. But I’m an individual. I don’t feel like I’ve ever had a chance to truly be just an individual. My heart feels like it’s going to rip my chest open. I planned a productive evening, and ended up in bed. It’s so hard to keep going and to stay positive when I just feel like I’m drowning all the time. Im so tired and sad and angry and anxious and I don’t like myself at all

[Agora1]

Dearest Cuprea, you have every right to feel the way you do. Afterall, you were a

baby raising a baby. What happened to the 21y.o. adult man, the father. He should

be supporting you at least financially which I assume he isn't.

Try not to blame yourself for mistakes that happened. It sounds like you didn't have

responsible adults around you in guiding you at your young age.

I could see why you and your son were friends while he was growing up because of

the small difference in your ages. However, the teen years have arrived and can become

the most difficult time as your son tries to find his independence as well as who he is.

Any mother, including myself, can find raising a teenager are trying times for both.

I use to have a plaque on the wall that I'd look at on those difficult days,

"Raising a Teenager is like trying to nail Jello to the wall" Funny but not so funny

when you are going through this yourself.

It's good that your son is in therapy, however, I would also suggest therapy and

support for yourself as well. No matter what our age, we all need some guidance

at certain times of our lives. Keep reaching out to this community of friends.

You need to not feel so all alone and overwhelmed right now. Hugs xx

[Hidden]

My sister was a single Mom for a long time, and her son has had behavior problems and a bad attitude. Don’t blame yourself, sounds like you’re trying to do the best you can. It might help to try to look up some books on parenting at your local library or possibly join some type of parenting support group or class.

[Arkus]

Your life is just beginning and you will be able to have a second chance so don’t throw it away by feeling hopeless and helpless. Your son no doubt will be going his own way as an adult soon. At the moment he needs some real tough talk about the consequences of choices he makes. If he sees you making plans for your own future in a positive way he may realize he can do the same. He may not see you as an individual with your own dreams and goals separate from him. We all have our separate paths in life. It’s up to us to seize the opportunities as best we can and make it a good life. Don’t worry about seeming unloving. Sometimes love shows by beginning honest. Your son is going through a phase and will understand what you have given him as he matures. I feel he needs to see you have self respect and boundaries.

Jordan Peterson is a psychologist who has helped a lot of young men find their way when they are confused. He has lots of you tube videos. I would search through some of his talks and see if there is one that would be useful to your son.