One hell of a mess. My family is driving me crazy

[Against_the_current]

So today's Sunday easter and we stayed till late yesterday because of easter and today had to go home from Grandma's house. Firstable grandpa called and woke us up to say he celebrated easter with his neighbour and his grandson was in the senior classes of my sister's school. I went upset. Not only woke me up but sett up sis (who is a lesbian btw) with some idk. Then the crazyness of luggage. Through the whole trip i was just depressed, i wasn't panicing, i wasn't crying (probably because of taking Clonasepam through intervals of time). It was really hard for me to eat and sleep normally. You know i struggle with sleeping and eating. And after eating i always felt miserable and needed day naps and was waking up through the night with nightmares. And mom and sis were to drop me in my university city and i was really sleepy and nauseous and tired. But then sis wanted to go on a walk around. Mom was nervous. I was tired. Them both saying "you both". Mom : you two are taking too long and too much money. Sis : you two are disoriented and walking like sheep and i have to take care of you. Im totally paniced and tired and nauseous - i can't orient myself. And the terrible loud music. Smell of food. People. I hate Bulgarian folk music to my guts. Litterary. I really really hate it. I felt so agoraphobic. If i wasn't scared of mom's reaction, i would have started crying. So damn agoraphobic. Where do i belong? And then i was really losing it. Got home, i thought how much i hate this place but how much i hate the other places as well. Mom went to the bathroom, i told her to close the door because i live in one room and the bathroom smells my soul out and asked her for something to clean. Mom tried to open the window and because i don't have space, she DROPPED EVERYTHING THAT was there including A HUNDRED Dollars Bottle of a perfume that i wanted since 2018. It's actually more expensive but i waited for discount and collected coupons to buy it. And the glass bottle broke and my 200$ perfume is on the floor and my carpet. And she just left. She didn't even realise she broke it because she walks like a barbarian. Probably there's glass on the floor but i don't even care, with my luck i will step on them. I have no energy to clean. I have no energy to arrange food and luggage. I will throw up if i see food. Especially my grandmother's greasy food

Update: Now i find out my flatmate took all his stuff, cooking gear and is probably moving out and I will have either no kitchen or have to pay for the kitchen. Wondering if it's because of me

[SoporRose]

The only thing it sounds like you can do right now to regain some sense of control is to find out what's happening with your flatmate. If he hasn't fully moved out yet, perhaps you could leave him a note and ask what's going on. If he has, contact your landlord. Maybe someone new will move in and you can work out a new deal about the kitchen.

[Hidden in reply to SoporRose]

Hi, SoporRose. I hope you're doing well! Thanks for helping out so much with atc! I just felt I needed to say that.

[SoporRose in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I hope we all can help her get through until she can find the support and care she needs!

[Hidden in reply to SoporRose]

You're very welcome. Me too.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Talked to the landlord, idk when someone new is coming and whether we would work out. I panicked so much i felt like moving out and called my broker and tommorow we will look at places but maybe i did a mistake while panicing.

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

But what did you find out from the landlord? *Is* someone new moving in?

Moving is stressful, but you’ve been so unhappy there that is makes sense to find out if there are better options.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you, i was doubting so much whether have to move out. I desided it during extreme panic from family, Easter, agoraphobia and i came and saw he and his stuff are gone. I don't know when someone new would come, the landlord didn't say he's getting people, said that rn if i clean the kitchen i can use it and i did my best to clean it in case i don't find a new apartment today. But probably i could have had some time before a new person comes, maybe a month. Maybe i should have stayed one more month in case i have hard time adapting. Also i have nobody to move my stuff. It really sucks how i got no support from unimates/"friends". No Emotional support, no driving my stuff, no telling me a new accomodation. The one that called me annoying bought a house and is leaving her affordable accommodation and has a car and left me on seen. And these people will be therapists. I don't know how i will move my stuff, have to call parents who are at work and were against moving out. I just came here in time of extreme stress and it was my first time hiring

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Does that mean you found a new apartment?

[Hidden]

Hi Atc,

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time with everything. Can I be so bold as to ask if you are getting that EMDR treatment?

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Still haven't

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

Ok. I was just wondering. How are you feeling now?

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for asking. Worried about moving out