Help!

[Against_the_current]

I am lonely and i tried to call dad. The call was 4 minutes long and his baby didn't stop screaming. He said he's going to see sis and i worried about her interacting with it. Sis hasn't replied to any of my messages and i got worried She s depressed like me and i called her. Then mom got home and started her bullshit. I feel like I got sis in trouble. I can't even call home no more. I have home no more. Im all alone. And i can't even rely on myself neither. It's 6pm and i haven't even made myself a breakfast. I don't want to go to the kitchen that's not even mine. I miss my family when they were normal now i can't even talk to sis without mom's mentally unstable bs and can't talk to dad without the baby wich is not even a baby, it's a two years old crying itself out. Pills, therapists, oversharing online again and again and then mom and the baby ruin me and it goes again and again. And i don't even have tears no more. I basically sell myself for just a bit of temporary comfort. Wish i was dead

[NeuroSeeker]

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. Sometimes life just sucks so much. It's hard to deal with.

It's hard to deal with family. You can't change them, just as they can't change you.

I've been working on changing my perspective, as I have an auto-pessimist tendency. I find Insight Timer (a free meditation app, ignore the "plus" function that costs) to be really helpful when my emotions get too big to contain. Maybe it'll work for you. I'm always looking for ways to soothe my central nervous system.

You have a place to stay, right? You're not on the street?

I hope you can find some peace.

[Against_the_current in reply to NeuroSeeker]

Thank you. I appreciate your kindness. I have like two meditation apps and sometimes help, somethimes not. And yeah I have to find out how to remain positive and not take responsibility for my family's bs but it's too frustrating and triggering and scary. Soothing the nervios system is important, mine is always on high alert, hope you're doing better. I have just a room, it's better than nothing but it's not enough