extremely lost

[Cap_Rick_Corn]

Hello. I am reaching out in hopes that there is someone that can relate to what I’m going through. I just got out of a 9 year divorce that had 2 murder attempts. I am trying to rebuild my life but don’t have the energy to move forward. I feel paralyzed when I try to get anything accomplished, therefore I normally don’t. Any suggestions?

[012703060610]

hi there-I too went through a horrific divorce with three young kids. My ex convinced me to go to a state where he wanted to live…near his parents. I agreed to birth near them and rent an apartment for maternity leave….then I got served and the state owns my kids. I had to start from nothing. I worked, not dad….and it was all travel. We are still in court five years later on custody. Here are some of the things I did to rebuild myself….albeit a long work in progress.

First, I am so sorry for your trauma. Living with this kind of fear is going to keep your senses heightened. As this is ending….you are coming up for air and hope you feel safe. For me, safety became my first priority when served. What that meant was a place for my emotions to run. Can’t do it in front of kids….I went to my sisters for a few weeks out of town to get my mind right and feel safe.

Knowing I was at rock bottom, I made three lists. The first was a safe plan for me. The second were my priorities …in my head…not what it was supposed to be. Everyone was saying quit work and just move…which legally I couldn’t quit and pay alimony and child support. With those two lists I was able to draw up a plan.

The state I now reside doesn’t have jobs for my skill set so I had to be creative. Called old bosses, got a desk job, head down and work hard to ask to be remote…it worked. But solving for work was easy, solving for a life in a state where I had no resources was different.

I had to think about making friends or trying, this seemed impossible. How would the co parenting work? Would I feel safe in a place i associate only bad memories?

It took me awhile with horrific swirling thoughts to realize you cant write a plan for recovery. You are in recovery. So many people on this site say give yourself the grace to have your feelings. I agree. My priorities at the start of the divorce and now five years later are different. I am a survivor too. Self care is first. I found my way to ptsd counseling and would suggest the same if you can. Ptsd is a bit different. I am only taking it one day at a time. Small goals…like call an old friend. Today I was able to be out most of the day with my kids.

This forum is great for support. You will almost always hear from someone fang through something similar. Please keep us posted. Think small steps. Virtual hug!

[Starrlight in reply to 012703060610]

✨❤️✨

[Cap_Rick_Corn in reply to Starrlight]

You seem to be very strong. I applaud your your will and hopefully I one day will be there too. Once again thank you for your support

[Starrlight in reply to Cap_Rick_Corn]

Really? Thank you! I was thinking YOU are! You’ve been through so much and here you are breaking through barriers to get to where you want to be.I’m always here for you. PM me any time.

[Cap_Rick_Corn in reply to 012703060610]

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Hopefully I can get the strength to take the first steps into recovery. Any suggestions on ptsd help

[Starrlight in reply to Cap_Rick_Corn]

I know there’s a practice having to do with eye movement done by therapists that has helped a friend of mine with ptsd …Oh I just looked it up it’s EMDR

[Starrlight]

((((((((gentle hug)))))))) ✨❤️✨

[Midori]

I can. Abusive husband, Moved far from friends and family. Eventually left when he started on the kids. he committed suicide. His family accused me of murder.

Cheers, Midori

[Cap_Rick_Corn in reply to Midori]

Midori. Your story hits home for me. Suicide was definitely his choice. I’m sorry for your children’s loss. How did you mentally cope with the trauma and move forward, or have you

[Midori in reply to Cap_Rick_Corn]

Yes; I'm over it now, although I still resent the guy. It's more than 32 years now, and it took me at least ten years to realise that I needed to find my own solution as the Doctors weren't helping a lot.

I woke up one morning to the usual litany from the inner voice telling me the same old stuff; that I'm a waste of my Nursing training, oxygen, life and all. I got extremely angry with this inner voice, and started to cuss it out. I told it to go and learn about travel and reproduction, but not necessarily in that order, also to get the Hades out of my head. I literally turned the air blue!

It worked, at least for a week, then it attempted another takeover, so I blasted it again; left for longer this time, so, each time it came back it got another dose of the same, until it virtually disappeared. It hasn't really bothered me for many years, except when I delay doing something really important like insurance etc.

The only way to see if it will work for you, is to try it. Preferably have a screaming fit out in a forest someplace, as You wouldn't want the neighbours complaining!😆

Cheers, Midori

[Cap_Rick_Corn in reply to Midori]

I will definitely try your words of advice. At this point I have nothing to lose and everything to gain

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Midori]

I’m so sorry that happened to you. You took a tragedy and worked through it. What an uplifting story. I can’t imagine having to go through that. You’re a strong woman.

[Cap_Rick_Corn in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Hi LilyAnnepuppy. Thanks for your feedback. I guess I should have clarified. I’m a man, not woman

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Cap_Rick_Corn]

Sorry about that. Then you’re a strong man. Are you really a Capricorn?

[Cap_Rick_Corn in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Actually not a Capricorn. It’s a play on my real name. Thanks for acknowledging me even though I’m not a woman. Lol. I’m just happy to be getting positive feedback from people here.

[kenster1 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

he might not be but I am.

[Cap_Rick_Corn in reply to kenster1]

actually a Scorpio