I felt my self slip into a depressive episode and I told my Mom and apologized for isolating myself. She just told me "Its your life. You live it how you want to" in an exasperated and uncaring tone. I felt so hurt. I just wanted reassurance. Or a hug from my own mother. Instead, its just the silent treatment. No checking in. No caring words. Just coldness. This really is such a cruel world. I feel so miserable living.
I'm sorry its selfish, but can I please have some reassuring words from you guys? Its been a really rough day.
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Myntee
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That sounds just like my mom. If I tell her how I feel, if I'm having a hard time w/ feeling bad or really anything at all, she might ask questions or ONE question at the start, but as the hrs and days go by, nothing. It almost seems like it is a chore for her to ask how I'm doing. Even when I'm clearly uncomfortable in some way, that anyone could see, I get no response. Like you had said, "no checking in".
My mom cares, but doesn't show that she does, in a definite, caring way. It seems she only cares if she's "in the mood" to care. Sucks, I know.
So I can't advise you on anything, because I don't have the answers either. But just wanted to let you know, I feel the same way you do.
-It's almost like I'm made to feel guilty for telling her I don't feel good, etc. I know that's not her intent at all, but it sure feels like it!
My grandma is basically my mom because she raised me..she sounds very similar to your mom.. my grandma also struggled to form a heartfelt caring response to "I'm having a bad day" or any show of disinterest in chatting and doing anything. I will say this - it takes years to rework that relationship and it does take two. We have worked on it through the years and yes, we fought a lot and I cried so much. But eventually, she learned to express her worries or concern in an empathetic way. Now, its "what's wrong? Do you want to talk about it?". I can only hope youe relationship with her grows into a more mature loving one.
In the meantime, I'm sending you all my love and strength to get through this difficult time. Some people are just caught up in their own worlds, nothing else seems to matter. Stay strong and try to write about your feelings or talk to someone about it.. it does get better. We try our hardest to get our loved ones' support, but it is never guaranteed. Just remember that.
Sounds like my mom also. She was especially that way when I was your age. She could say the coldest most hateful things. I can see how this would upset you and make you feel this way. As my mom and I have gotten older, we both have grown closer. She doesn't say as hurtful things as she used to, and I have learned to tolerate her a little more when she does. What I want to say is don't give up. Your mother may be insensitive now, but it is not the end. I know it might not help the present, other than to offer hope that it may not always be this way. Sending prayers. You will get through this. 🙏🙏🙏
You are not being selfish at all. You sound hurt by your mom's actions and that is totally understandable.
My mom was the same. I never got any positive responses or emotional support from her.
Change her words and empower them yourself. " It is my life and I will live it how I want, with or without you"
It's hard to get the emotional piece from someone that doesn't know how to give it. It's sad to accept it from the person we expect to love and support us.
Please know that you are worthy. Sending you love and positive vibes
Thanks for your reply, it means a lot to me. I really liked how you changed her words...it does feel very empowering. I was taught that in therapy. Most appreciated. <3
I like what you said about getting emotional piece from someone who doesn't know how to give it. I think 2 things about why my mom behaves like she does: either she's being cruel or she can't give love and doesn't realize what she's doing and doesn't realize she's causing "harm".
I've actually done a lot of research on this topic, and found something that describes this behavior. It is a strong explanation, so I don't want to say it, BC I don't want to say the wrong thing, but it describes my mom to a T. Not all things, but enough to say she is "this".
My mother was a narcissist. Child emotional abuse and neglect can be caused by narcissistic parents.
Im not sure what you have found to describe your mom but Im glad you can put the behavior in perspective
I think researching and learning is an awesome way for us to move forward. If we can have an understanding of their behaviors it can help us work on our own wounds.
Continue to work on yourself. We can learn to tackle this stuff if we don't give up.
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What is it to become vulnerable and is it worth it?
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