Im not ok

[Pinky_12]

its really hard for me to share and be vulnerable but i feel as if I don’t i will implode. I suffer from depression/anxiety and I’ve recently been doing better but sometimes its so hard for me not to feel disheartened in the world, i just feel like its so useless sometimes, when im distracted i can sometimes forget but then i get in my head cz of my anxiety and it tells me im just faking. Today i spent the entire day in bed i felt so depressed & shitty about it but couldn’t motivate myself out of bed. The day before one of my closest friends said she felt like a fool cz she feels like she’s constantly chasing me and it broke me. I feel like I’ve been so lost in my own pain and have neglected her and i love her soo much i would never want to make her feel that way. Its just im soo bad at communicating and sometimes when i dissociate or in an episode I don’t feel real or ‘normal’ enough to interact. sometimes i think i avoid human interaction during episodes cz i subconsciously know i cant pretend to be ok

[Agora1]

Hi Pinky, it's perfectly normal not to feel like interacting with others (even close friends)

when you are disassociating within yourself. We all need alone time, not necessarily

staying in bed but in working on ourselves. You can't allow words someone says to

you to break you down and feel quilty over something they might not understand.

When you are up to it, have a heart to heart talk with your close friend regarding your

feelings and emotions. Believe me addressing situations and not running from them

is very healing and less stressful. Take care xx

[Pinky_12 in reply to Agora1]

thanks soo much needed that reassurance I guess sometimes i feel like a bad person, i try and make them understand how i feel but i dont think people truly dont understand what not feeling real feels like until its them. I try not to stay in bed cz no healing ever happens that way especially not when dissociating. I wasn’t dissociating I just felt really sad and wanted to sleep the pain away but I think we all know that doesn’t ever work

[EndUser13]

It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to have an awful day, don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. Do you think it would help to write out your thoughts and then try to tell them to your friend, or maybe just email them? Being close to people means making yourself vulnerable, with the right people that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Even if it's uncomfortable sometimes

[Pinky_12 in reply to EndUser13]

Thanks for your reply, understanding that its ok not not be ok is something im still working on. Sometimes its hard to not mourn the person that i was. I also have to remember that its ok to change too i guess x

[orangesmiths]

you're definitely not alone in this. I can totally relate to how you feel. you did great coming here and sharing how you feel, I'm proud that you're reaching out because in this community you can really find some great support. how you're feeling is completely valid and I'm sure your best friend loves you so so much please don't forget you have people who will help you. <3

[Pinky_12 in reply to orangesmiths]

thank you, sharing is soo hard for me I normally just reply on here but having people who understand is so helpful and validating. I love this community <3

[blackcat64013]

Hi Pinky_12,

There is a song on YouTube called "OK Not to Be OK" which you might like. It is a song by American music producer Marshmello and singer Demi Lovato. It was released on September 10, 2020, via Island Records and Joytime Collective.

All the best for tomorrow 🦘

[catsrock]

I totally relate to so much of your post. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, but I must disagree about something - you are a good communicator! Look how well you communicated in your post. I too avoid human contact when I'm having a bad depression day - it's hard to act like we are ok. I hope you get some relief soon and feel better.