Nothing Matters

[Gurbfeld]

I’m an objective failure to everything and everyone. I don’t want to sleep anymore, the nightmares are too much. Every single night I’m back in school either shown what my life could have been if I was better or the same people tormenting and torturing me until I wake up in the middle of the night and do it again. Those people now are living life and succeeding; getting good grades in college, experimenting with different partners and substances regularly, partying and going to different events with their friends they made with their godly social skills, and just being human. They get to live life. They aren’t virgins, hermits, nerds, ugly, or losers. They’ve won.

I’m quite literally untalented in every single thing. Most things I can do at the very basic understanding, but I still inherently suck at everything even I have done it for hundreds of hours. Nothing is ever good for me, I’m always subpar and mediocre. It literally doesn’t matter how good I get at something or how talented I can get at a game for example when there are people who can beat it blindfolded or using fucking bongos for controllers. Nothing will ever be important when compared to the kid who has had at least one talent they’re good or even great at when the best you can do is waste your life crying in your room. They’re inherently superior to me. Nothing I do will ever matter to me or ever be fulfilling knowing there’s a guy out there who does it a million times better and has been since they were children. The average college guy out there who has a thriving social life, has a multitude of socially acceptable hobbies he is talented in, and is just right now sleeping with a new girl he met at a party an hour ago is OBJECTIVELY superior to me in every conceivable way, always has been and always will be. Nothing I do or accomplish can ever complete with his greatness or make me feel accomplished. He has been succeeding in life since he started middle school while I’m still trying to find reasons why I shouldn’t cut scars into myself or have ever so much as held someone’s hand. Nothing will ever matter or be important when you are inferior to literal children. I want to grovel at their feet and show them exactly how fucking pathetic they avoided becoming.

I just want permission right now to end it all. To stop the nightmares stealing away my sleep and to stop clogging up the space of every superior person. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to be me anymore. Please.

[Nutshell9]

I wish I had words to make you feel better.

One thing you’re good at?

Writing….

You drew me right in and made me feel deeply for you and your side of this story.

You seem intelligent simply from text shared

That’s a start

Keep writing

Good luck in your battle

[TailWags]

I noticed your writing skills too. Nice vocabulary. Your comments sound a lot like those of a depressed person and feeling like you are not good at anything sure sounds like a lie that depression tells you. And no one's life is carefree as seen on TV. No one knows what inner demons someone else faces. They may see you and admire parts of your life. It is all in the eyes of the beholder. I know people who are always in a relationship. I used to think I wanted that until I realized they may be too insecure to be independent. Maybe they date someone all the time cuz it is too scary for them not to. I dont know. I am firmly planted in the mediocre range too. But by definition, most people are close to average. I dunno. Its way late. I should go to bed. By the way, if you snore, might want to see if you have sleep apnea. If so, getting a CPAP can often cut down nightmares. Take care.

[leaningonjesus]

wow

your ability to put your deepest thoughts and feelings into words on paper(or on a forum) are exemplary.

What the others said.

You have an amazing talent and ability to cut right into other people's souls and hearts.