how do i stop?

[harrypotter125]

for about a year I have been trying to stop hurting myself yet I keep failing. I try I do I put as much effort as I can muster into trying to stop yet I can't do it. It's like I'm addicted.

[ballerinagurl]

hey! There was a time where I felt the same. Like it's the only way I can make my feeling and pain real. Just know that your body is a temple. As cheesey as it sounds, your body does a lot for you and harming it makes your body have to work harder to repair itself. Instead of hurting yourself, turn that pain into something artistic. Paint your feelings, draw your feelings, you can even cook it out. Try it!

[harrypotter125 in reply to ballerinagurl]

thx

[fauxartist]

Have you gotten any help in finding out why you self harm? Often it's a self-hate that has internalized to self harm. When you feel unable to cope with your feelings and you feel sometimes trapped, the only feeling of release is thinking self harm is the answer. It's not. No guilt-tripping here, I did my fair share of internalizing my self-hate with booze and a lot of bad choices.

But with a good outlet, a constructive outlet, and learning that you are okay, you are not a bad person, the guilt and shame and blame has you here.... and there is a better way. I have no magic solution, everyone comes with their own mixed bag of mental health issues, and mental injuries from emotional abuse, PTSD, trauma, abandonment... but when I got to the root of where to start a healing process through therapy...it started to get a little better each time I had a light bulb moment of clarity.

It's not easy, it's a roller coaster ride...but at least it's a step forward. Now I have my constructive outlets to get into a Zen place that is just my place to go for my own peace.... find your place.... write poems, music, paint, cook, pick up a camera, throw on the wheel, anything that takes you some place other than the abyss. If I can do it, anyone can. Believe me... we may never completely heal, and I don't look at the world through rose colored glasses, I do have a dark sense of humor...but I also see beauty in simple things, small things, ...

[Agora1 in reply to fauxartist]

Beautifully said fauxartist xx

[harrypotter125 in reply to fauxartist]

not really. thx for the advice it helps

[fauxartist in reply to harrypotter125]

Can you talk about what you mean not really.... I'm here and will listen.

[harrypotter125 in reply to fauxartist]

i try not to think about why I do it like i try to erase it from my mind sort of thing

[fauxartist in reply to harrypotter125]

I understand that completely, ... I know many of us are the walking wounded who suffer in silence... but when we find someone who can help us maneuver the emotional battlefield, someone who is a professional and who understands our kind of issues, we can start that trust process to slowly inch our way to opening up. One thing I will tell you. It changed my life. No... I will always be a work in progress... but now I don't beat myself up anymore for what others had done to me as a kid. It wasn't my fault, I didn't deserve it, and I have to believe that... truth is hard. We were told monsters are not real, but they are... and they can look like moms, dads, uncles, and the nice guy next door.

Those were my demons... yours are your own, but owning the damage because of it, no, ... give it back to the ones who are responsible. Forgiving myself too was a huge issue, and still is. I did things I wasn't proud of as an injured and hurt kid who never could grow up past the damage done.

I'm open and honest here in my posts and comments because I can be. I'm anonymous, no one knows my details past knowing the real and whole person I am inside, the outside doesn't matter. And for me, with my huge trust issues... I need to feel safe and not judged. I have friends that I care for very much here.... and yes... you can connect in this world outside of the crazy physical world. Some say it's not real friendships because we are not face to face... but for me.... it's an equally important part of my healing as anything else in my life. I hope you find that here too. There are many here who deal with self harm... just start reading posts...comments.... and how others have gotten help.

[harrypotter125 in reply to fauxartist]

thx

[fauxartist in reply to harrypotter125]

Your welcome... and you matter... I'm glad you shared....

[harrypotter125 in reply to fauxartist]

im gonna end up crying from hearing this

[fauxartist in reply to harrypotter125]

Your okay, we'll be with ya... crying is good too... it's cathartic... They say an ocean begins with one drop.... so too are our tears the beginning of letting it out, I'm sure we all here have cried rivers and still do... writing helps too... every time I share, it takes a little more power out of the fears, and pain that lingers in the shadows... we just keep trying.

[designguy in reply to fauxartist]

Good awareness, advice and support fauxartist.

[fauxartist in reply to designguy]

Thank you designguy.

[fauxartist]

As colors fade in the sunlight... so does the fear and pain of mental injury... we have the scars no one else can see, and we probably will always feel them to some extent, we just learn to close those wounds with loving and healing ourselves. We can do this.