I need a little help from my friends

[Dusty1234]

Good Morning,

I hope everyone is doing well. I'm having a little issue today. I often get anxious before I go to a social function. Sometimes it's worse than others, but this is just anticipation anxiety. I am going to a party in a little while. It was postponed last time, so that makes it a little worse. I really love the people I'm going to be with and I know I'll have a great time. None the less, I keep thinking of reasons not to go. I was even hoping the toe I had a small procedure on earlier was infected, so I'd have a good reason not to go. Crazy, right? Any help would be appreciated.

Thank you

[TrustYourSoul]

I can totally relate. I like people. I like laughing. Still, entering the room of a social event has always unnerved me...... until after the first few minutes. Once I strike up a little conversation, the nervousness magically disappears. Lots of people are like this.

[PurpleOstrich]

Me too. And my kid too. Okay so for kids and teens, what’s your thoughts? Force them to go to something despite that they have a panic attack, and are yelling not to go, getting angry and lashing out, affecting your parent/kid relationship (control/power struggle) BUT they have a great time, and hopefully realize the panic was just that and maybe they will eventually internalize that they will be okay in a social event and stop avoiding and panicking? Or let them give in to their panic, make their own decision, which helps the parent/child dynamic (showing respect for their feelings and decisions), but watch them give in to anxiety, stay home, isolate, be lonely and miss out on fun/enriching/socializing events?

[Dusty1234 in reply to PurpleOstrich]

That's a hard one. I'm thinking that maybe if you took it slowly. Talk about it first, remind them about the time that he/she went to someplace that they were afraid to go. Do you remember Harry's party and you were nervous? Then you had a fun time. What was the best part of that day. Did you find a friend or remember the game you played... Maybe bring he/she for a ride by. This is the house or place you're going to go. I would never bring you someplace where you're not safe. Then push a little at the time. I know it's a long process, but I think it might be worth it. When I was forced, I would just shut down or get sick. Avoiding is a bad habit which can last a lifetime. That's what's happened to me. I hope this helps. It really is hard and no one wants to see their child hurting. I didn't just get these ideas out of the air, by the way. I was a Preschool teacher for years. Good luck.

[Thankfulforhelp22]

the people you are going to be with probably feel the same way about you. Don’t deny them your unique presence.

I have this same type of anxiety about these things and it has kept me from a lot of social events. It’s funny that when I make myself go I often find nothing to fear or I enjoy myself. Don’t deny yourself the company of folks you like. It’s uplifting. 😀😀💪🏾🙏🏾

[Dusty1234 in reply to Thankfulforhelp22]

Thank you!

[TrustYourSoul]

I am a middle grades substitute teacher (6th,7th,8th). This age group has this issue a lot due to teen peer pressure, bullying, etc. We talk about it. I use myself as an example for them to learn that most of the time, what we "fear" or are nervous about, doesn't hurt us. Many of them are in sports or other after-school activities, so then they "get it" when we have a discussion. (If you play on the baseball team, but you are afraid of losing, you will never hit that home run, or stop the home run, and you will miss out on the awesome feeling of doing something great!)

[Dusty1234]

I did it! Just writing down the feelings helped. I had an awesome day and didn't even freak out when my GPS failed. I'm so happy I went I hadn't seen some of my friends in months. We always have a great time. I don't know why sometimes I can just do something and other times it's just such a big deal. Anyway, I feel really good right now and I'm so glad I have this group to reach out to.

[designguy in reply to Dusty1234]

Wow, good for you, that is the best way to deal with it and heal yourself. What you are dealing with is a typical symptom of social anxiety that you developed to protect yourself for whatever reason and you developed beliefs and perceptions about yourself and others that aren't true. Social anxiety can also stem from or contribute to low-self-worth and low-self-esteem. By forcing yourself to go to the party and not listen to your inner critic or believe what it was telling you, you were actually doing exposure therapy which is one of the best ways to heal social anxiety, so awesome job and good for you for feeling great about yourself.

if you are interested there is a lot of good info on youtube about healing low-self-worth/self-esteem.

[Raggedy-Ann]

congrats! Funny thing you posted this. I was invited to a wedding of some acquaintances it was at an art car museum, pot luck, and dress in costume. like usual I was looking forward to it until today. I currently have a brace on both forearms to fingers. I feel fat. I am struggling with what I should/could wear. I wanted to skip it but I had a gift. I wanted to show up for them and leave as fast as I could. I managed to get dressed grabbed the gift and discovered my tire was low- 20 lbs. ok find a gas station, next arrive at 5:00 the invitations for 4:00. I missed the ceremony at 4:20. I saw a few familiar faces. there was no gift table....I sit down between two women I kind of know greetings were exchanged, both women turn their backs toward me and talk to other people.... I didn't want to eat or drink or dance. I wanted to leave. I went outside and saw the groom chatted for a moment .. ok did my duty and drove home, 6:00 ish. I am back in my Pj's, whew!