Not sure what to do now?

[Upsc]

Someone in my recent family is going through a severe mental condition, although now taking medication and therapy by their own. I need to now focus on my own studies and career as this is effecting my mental health as well now. Is this being selfish? To leave them on their own now and focus on myself? Although i will be checking up on them from time to time , but if staying alone would trigger their medical condition back , would i be at fault? Should I now step back? Because this is now or never chance for me.

[just_keep_swimming]

I don’t think it is selfish you also have to worry about your future and your mental health , I think maybe having a conversation with that person saying that you are just a phone call away if they need you and that you still love and care for them but don’t want to miss certain opportunities that could impact your life , idk if that sounds like taking those opportunities you don’t care about that person but something that explains you still really do love and care for that person but do not want to pass on opportunities that could impact your life .

[Upsc in reply to just_keep_swimming]

Thankyou for the advice.

[Hidden]

Hi there, Upsc.

Sounds like you're feeling torn... between your care for a relative who needs support, and your own well being and a unique opportunity.

I really like "just_keep_swimming"s idea of speaking with your relative to let them know you care while also needing the space to take care of yourself. They may even have some input on a solution that works for everyone!

I was in a similar situation recently and, while it was difficult to broach the subject, my loved one understood and continues to support me in taking care of myself. We discussed options for the times when he is in crisis — and a recent event illustrated that the solutions we worked out are good for us both.

In India it's often the women in a family who are expected to care for family members. You don't mention if there are others in your family or friend group who can pitch in. Often a network of people can easily accomplish something that's overwhelming for a single individual.

I wish you the best in finding a solution that works for both you and your relative.

[Upsc in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou for replying. Means alot

[JasmineJaz]

It sounds like you really want to take the chance on the study and career, but might not be able to take care of the family member at the same time... I don't think it's selfish to put yourself in first priority, after all, we all have to take care of ourselves before helping others. I think there's no wrong choices in this situation.

From the post it sounds like if you focus on yourself, they will be left alone without help. I'm wondering if it's possible to involve other people in the solution? Like other family members, friends, support groups, or whatever resource the therapist might provide.

[Upsc in reply to JasmineJaz]

Thankyou.

[Babe1213]

The first thing I learned when I became a Lay Chaplain (minister)for the church was, 'Chaplain, Heal thyself first.' Meaning when you care for others, you need to be at the top of the game for yourself. It sounds to me as though you have been caring for a close family member for a while. I note also you come from India, where the culture is different than it is here in UK. However YOUR studies are of more importance now as the results of these studies will be what sets you up for life. You must take your chance! You must NOT feel guilty, your are not responsible for anyone else in your family. You have already done what you could, and are willing to continue to offer help. that should suffice. Is there no-one else who can come alongside your family member and help. You are still very young and you have a life to live. Live it. I am speaking as an almost 75 year old mum, nan, great-nan, who has serious health problems. I would not expect any of my family to hold back on their career for me. Take care of yourself or you won't be able to take care of others.

[Upsc in reply to Babe1213]

Thankyou, it's a great advice.