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Another writing since not sure what else to do

Starrlight profile image

gauging worth in this mirror

Perpetually before me in stature

“abominable you are”, it howls to me

With its hushing grey-blue eyes

i’ve run all my life and I rush more

As evasion follows with obscurity

until the howling scares it away

All the trickery

and I sit plainly

Waiting for time and space to make sense again

36 Replies

Starrlight, this is very profound. Do I assume correctly, that you wrote this?

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

I did. It’s how I feel right now. Thanks for reading it ❤️

in reply to Starrlight

You have a gift, Starrlight, keep writing. 🌹

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

Thanks. I do love to write, especially when I am down. It s feels like it’s what I have to do , that and go to nature. How are you?

in reply to Starrlight

You are welcome.🌻 Go with the feelings, you have a wonderful way with words.

I am doing well. The weather is finally spring like, so I have been in the garden. Like you, I go to nature.

It hurts now. Again. But your peace will return.

How do I know? Because you know, and you've told us.

Write me anytime I can help, or just because.

You know you've found beauty in your trouble, don't you? No abomination. All lies in a funhouse mirror. Walk on by.

Why wait for time?Time waits for no one. You'll miss out on life standing in one place.

Be as the leaf on a stream and not the rock in the middle.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to

Love that response :) xx

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

I’m not waiting for time I’m trying to feel at peace with it.

Thank you.. Came up with the last phrase on my own I did.. 😀

I’m at the skate park and I’m suicidal. I knew I had to get out of the house. I have a plan. I hate myself. I hate that I feel suicidal it puts so much guilt and hate in me. I’ve been fine then ... poof ... back in a different kind of hell. I won’t act on it I love my kids too much but so much of me has to resist. It’s a strong feeling that I can’t be here any more. I want away from everything. I feel nothing I do makes any difference and I try so hard but doesn’t seem to matter now.I don’t want to wake up again. And so another day. I need to be shown love in a big way. I actually bought myself some sunflowers today I needed to feel loved. I’m watching my kids right now tears streaming down . I know we love eachother with such a tight bond but part of me is thinking everything is better without me. When I suffer I become a burden. Please help me.

Sunflowers my favorite
in reply to Starrlight

How may I help? I only just now saw your post

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

Hey just knowing you care is perfect thank you. How are you?

in reply to Starrlight

Good morning. Yes, I care I deal with both depression and PTSD. I've been where you have been many times. If it hadn't been for caring others to help me through those ties, we wouldn't be chatting with each other now. You're welcome 😊 Be safe.

I'm here. What can I do?

Hi my friend! Just being here as you are right now. It’s a new day and I’m feeling a bit better. Blessings for both of us!!!

Hi back! I'm glad for you.

Thanks! 🌺

Starrlight you're a beautiful person. Please don't give up. If you really think you might carry out a plan to suicide, check yourself into a psychiatric ward. I know no one ever wants to be there but if it saves your life then it's worth it . You mean a lot to me, you have been great and very encouraging to me when I've gone through some dark times. Please take care of yourself and know that we all love you on here.💖💖💖💖💖

No I won’t. It was a thing in passing. It’s a new day. That scared me though. I’ll be talking to my therapist about it today.

in reply to Starrlight

So relieved to hear this. You are a special human being, Starrlight. Keep up the good fight. 💗

I struggled last night, not my finest hour, but this IS a new day.

Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason so don’t ever give up.

Iammesues profile image
Iammesues in reply to Starrlight

Your first sentence grabbed me. Last time I ran out of my house crying from my obnoxious husband I ended up at a skate park watching skaters. They were young, and it made me feel old. I wondered if they were awkward teenagers. Would they be an awkward adult like me? I’m here for you anytime. Your words and pictures are so important to all of us here. You have such creative gifts. Stay with us on our journey.

Thanks for sharing how you feel with your expressive poetry.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to JohnPB

Thanks!

I was where you are now, twenty years ago. Treatment of my bipolar with a mood stabiliser and antidepressant saved my life. I’m never sad, occasionally a little too happy! The longer we bipolars leave it to get the right treatment, the harder it can be to treat the relapses.You owe it to your children to let them grow up with their mum happy, smiling and energetic. My advice is to stay on the treatment that suits you, permanently. Hypomania is fun until it isn’t...

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

I’m glad u r ok now. I was doing so well I don’t know what went wrong. I’m on the meds that work for me. Maybe just had a lot bottled up. I feel better today. It was just one day I hope. Oh believe me I’m a great mom and my children are very happy!

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Starrlight

Starrlight, I've never doubted you being a good mom with happy children :) xx

I'm glad you are feeling better today x

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Agora1

❤️ 💕

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Starrlight

Believe me I do get concerned about you at times.

Remember that I do care, sometimes I just don't know what

to say or do. Sending my love :) xx

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Agora1

Sometimes there’s simply nothing at all to do. Like now. All of a sudden I changed. I have to ride a strange thing out that I don’t understand. Im scared.I feel like there’s another different person inside me. That other person is not scared but is not nice either. It’s like a nightmare.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Starrlight

I'm so sorry sweetheart. Please stay safe within yourself. I believe in

your strength of mind. :) xx

Interesting. Is that a poem? Does this way of expressing yourself help you in some way?

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to ShakeyD

A writing a poem whatever it just helps me express what I’m feeling and releases a bit of the pain. It helps me sharing it so it’s not just me all alone thinking it.

ShakeyD profile image
ShakeyD in reply to Starrlight

Wow. That's cool. Is like your own private catharsis. Very therapeutic.

Amazing poem! You have talent and a way to express your emotions which will help you keep going. Stay with it!

wow - YES!

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