I'm hurting

[Not_Free]

I just want the pain to go away. Nothing else. I just want to be happy and both know and feel that I am loved. I experience neither.

[Hb2003]

your not alone 🙏

[Not_Free in reply to Hb2003]

Thank you. I need to hear that. I just wish the people I live with could show me that. They are so oblivious to my pain.

[Hb2003 in reply to Not_Free]

your welcome . Its heartbreaking 😔

[Starrlight in reply to Not_Free]

Try telling them, you never know, they may be caught up with stuff but would want to be there for you…worth a shot

[Orneb]

Depression makes you doubt the things that matter most. Like that you are loved.

People have limitations, and it’s important to not take that personally. It’s not that they wouldn’t do whatever they can for you, it’s that they can’t do what you need them to.

We are here for you. Stay strong.

[Not_Free in reply to Orneb]

Thank you. I appreciate your kind words.

[hummingbirdheart]

i really feel you on this one. thank you for sharing ❤️

[Not_Free in reply to hummingbirdheart]

Thanks for your support.

[marisamf]

i'm feeling the same, it really feels like we're alone

[Not_Free in reply to marisamf]

So true. I wish there were someone who could take away the pain.

[kas_102611]

Youre Most Certainly Not Alone!!!!!!! I just had a break through over this healing takes time and it is a very lonely lonely road I'm still lonely I hardly have friends my spouse the worst supporter I've been a stay at home mom for 10 years right now it's looking great for me I thank God always for what I do have .

I thought I would never ever change although things look a bit the same over and over occurrence try adding to it and do something you love to do or anything that you enjoy doing but always think you are loved by one true God my path was blurry until I found my place with God yes !!! I say God because he carried me through I was very lonely and depressed with anxiety you have to pray and work through it ... I hope you recover and heal !!! May you have a wonderful day ❤️

[Not_Free in reply to kas_102611]

Thanks. I do believe in God, but He's nowhere. He's not showing up.

[kas_102611 in reply to Not_Free]

I thought that too ! Really but he says to keep praying to not worry bring anything to him everyday ... I cried alot for years to things I shouldn't of even let phase me .. you can't let your mind think you aren't enough don't waste your beautiful time being in your mind ... I would hear sermons every morning wherever I could praise of the word of God is what I had on sermons, worship music, good and positive affirmations telling yourself you are enough is enough!! I use to be in my thoughts constantly until I realize I was just making myself think otherwise of myself not really believing I was enough why me but I said I'm good I have my legs my arms my hands my heart I'm blessed to be alive to be able to start taking more care of myself things change in due time with God it takes time and relationship with the Lord you are great and are doing great each little step is a milestone to be proud of !!!!

[Not_Free in reply to kas_102611]

I wish I could. Please pray for me.

[marisamf in reply to kas_102611]

I do believe but not getting anywhere

[NoNo19]

You'd be surprised who loves you. Random strangers at times. 😊 So here are some hugs and love from this random stranger. I don't know you well, but I love you. 🤗 ❤️

[Not_Free in reply to NoNo19]

Thank you.

[BeagleBaby]

I have 100% been in your shoes. It often takes a while to get out of feeling that way for sure but reaching out like this is an amazing step! I'm so glad you came here instead of just trying to deal with the pain on your own. I know family sometimes doesn't understand or even try to understand, but that doesn't make your feelings any less valid. I don't know the reasons for your feelings but I know that it is possible for your feelings to improve in time. Feel free to message me privately if you want to talk to another woman who understands! 😊

[Brokenbeardedbear]

I hope you feel better soon. I understand this feeling of wanting and needing to know and feel you are loved. You deserve to feel this love. You dont deserve to suffer so much.

[Hidden]

🙏🙏🙏.... That's not too much to ask for my friend. You should be able to get it and then some.

[Youcandream18]

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Please know that! I wanted the pain to go away so much I tried to comment suicide twice! And both times I failed; can you imagine how much of a failure I felt like… I couldn’t even succeed in killing myself. Your pain is 100% real (physical and mental) but until you start to express yourself w/your loved ones will never know how you truly feel. Start small… my family will NEVER know what I go through daily but I’ve communicated w/my family a “code word”. When I say “golf cart” everyone knows that means I’m not ready to discuss the topic at hand until I’m ready. So I’ll say “golf cart 15” meaning give me 15min to prepare for this topic and we will discuss it in 15min but also we will only discuss the topic for only 15min. The discussion will not be longer than the time allowed and set by you. This allows the restrictions you need to discuss important and hard conversation but with limitations.

[marisamf in reply to Youcandream18]

excellent idea! will try it too with my family

[Not_Free in reply to Youcandream18]

I've been thinking about this, but whenever I do try to talk about stuff with my family they either don't respond or shut down my feelings ... this is the latest: "Not feeling loved is just a feeling ... love is not a feeling it's a decision. We love you." How do I interpret this? "Your feelings are wrong, we love you even if we don't show it." I'm supposed to believe I'm loved because people tell me I am ... but I need to be shown I am. Like maybe choose to write me, listen to me when I'm talking, choose to be with me when you can, etc. This is all I want - just that someone shows me I'm important enough they want to be with me.

Oh well ... I keep basically being told I need to buck up! (except from my therapist, but sometimes I feel like, "Well, she's paid to care." This is basically a lose-lose situation.

[Airret in reply to Not_Free]

Maybe they just don't know how to respond to you. Maybe they are afraid of saying the wrong thing, or afraid of expressing emotions/love, so they just shut down and tune out.

[Not_Free in reply to Airret]

Could be ... I wish they had the courage to try. I guess that takes a very unusual person.

[Not_Free]

I have been doing that ... it seems like it falls on deaf ears. It makes me wonder ... question, if He really is there - does He care ... the pain is too much sometimes.

[marisamf in reply to Not_Free]

absolutely

[Not_Free]

Thank you.

[Airret]

You seem very lovable to me. If you were a friend of mine, I would appreciate you. Thank you for being open and for expressing what so many are also feeling.

[Not_Free in reply to Airret]

Thank you for saying that - that's precisely what I struggle with, the idea that I'm loveable. Like many of us, I simply don't believe it. It seems that people who say it either don't know me or are being kind.

I'm trying to accept the fact ... believe the fact ... that I am loveable. It is such a hard place to be.

[Airret in reply to Not_Free]

Suppose you are lovable, but the people you happen to know just don't love you. That's on them and it's their loss! What qualities make someone lovable? I'd say someone who is kind and honest and things like that. I bet if you list traits of people you consider lovable, you will see that you have these traits. I suppose you can be lovable and not be loved. I suppose you can just be satisfied that you are a worthwhile, lovable person, and maybe you can meet more people until you find some who recognize that!

[Not_Free in reply to Airret]

That's an interesting thought ... thanks. I'll have to ponder that.

[Brokenbeardedbear]

You sound very genuine to know you need love. This is hard for many people to acknowledge.Im the same to be honest and your post helps me to understand this is how I feel. I need to feel loved and know I am loved too. I suppose its hard for mw due to being traumatized by bad experiences that left me feeling deeply alone even around others. But I do have moments of reprieve where I feel better and it comes when I care for myself anyway and when I feel little experiences of connection with others. I guess Im saying I understand the ongoing battle to feel loved and accepted. And Im really sorry for what youre going through. If I could show you I love you I would. I hope it helps to know Im feeling what you feel and you arent alone 💜