Hurting so bad

[Ijustdonotknow]

Feeling like shit today. Trying to do anything to keep myself busy. I’m so freeking depressed but I have a 5 year old that I love the death so I have to get myself together by 6 oclock(when he gets out of daycare) and pretend to be happy for him.. it’s so hard. Sometimes I just want to end it all but I don’t want my kids to hurt. Their the only reason I live

[Flaweddesign]

As a child of depressed parent, I thank god everyday my mom didnt do anything to harm herself. I know things seems rough but silver lining is just ahead. Sending you warm thoughts and wishes. Just keep writing your thoughts but know that you have love and I'm here to talk.

[Juliagail]

Maybe get a couple movies and sit on the couch under a blanket tonight with him. I’ve been there so many times. Hope you feel better soon. ❤️

[CazO46]

Your kids are the best reason to keep trying. I think what you want to end is the pain not your life . It's ok to feel all the different emotions that life brings and it does bring bad as well as good. It's so hard when you get stuck in the bad feelings all the time and can't see a way forward . I have found meditation a good start to come to accepting some of my more difficult emotions. I haven't been doing it that long but slowly I'm starting to understand my anxiety a little better. I truly wish you peace, I know this hard road only too well, when my kids were younger I would watch them sleep and be grateful I have them in my life . Take care X

[Strongheartforever]

Focus on what you DO have and not what you don’t. Let go of perfectionism. Imitate your kid, they are always in the MOMENT. The present moment is always safe and ok. It’s when we get in the habit of thinking of past and future that we fall into a pit of despair and waste the precious time we have to love eachother well. Are you a woman? Can you get a hormone panel done? You may be estrogen dominant. It’s super common and causes a dark “hormonal depression”. Take Vitex also known as Chaste tree berry extract every day without fail. You can get it at the drugstore. Make sure you take a multi vitamin and a b complex. This is old advice but I’ve found vitamin deficiency to be a common cause of the feelings you describe. Make it your mission to attack this from several angles. Physical and mental. Put encouraging wisdom in your head. Even just getting into Tony Robbins or Mel Robbins or Eckhart Tolle or Zig Zigler videos on YouTube while you’re doing the dishes or your hair. Make a little progress every day and you won’t see it right away but you’ll be nearing the end of this nightmare. Have faith. This pain is telling you to take action. Listen.

[Hidden in reply to Strongheartforever]

Anita moorjani is awesome too and the late Wayne Dyer!! Great advice!!!

[LittleMsSunshine]

Hi Ijustdonotknow,

I understand completely. My children is what keeps me alive too, but I'm starting to value myself more and realize I need to live for me as well. I matter and I'm special and worthy. And so are you!

Have you reached out for professional help? If not, try to get some help. If you have, return to your provider and ask for a reevaluation of your meds and counseling therapy. Bottom line make sure you get the help that you need.

[Ijustdonotknow in reply to LittleMsSunshine]

I can’t get the help I need. I think I need to go to a facility for a while but I have no one to watch my 5 year old

[LittleMsSunshine in reply to Ijustdonotknow]

In patient care would really be beneficial but for now, while there's no one to watch the little man, can you maybe do a Partial Hospitalization Program? It usually is an intensive program where you check in in the mornings and receive group/individual talk therapy and medication adjustments if needed.

[Ijustdonotknow]

I wouldn’t know where to find a program like that at

[LittleMsSunshine in reply to Ijustdonotknow]

You have to be referred by a provider. Maybe just go to the hospital emergency after you drop off your son and tell them how you feel to start the ball rolling. I am in the U.S. and I was in your same position. My doctor wanted me to be inpatient but I couldn't because of my kids, so I did PHP for a month.

[Strongest123]

I understand your pain. I too have been there. I have a 7 year old girl that is my world, she gives me so much strength. I’ve been disabled due to my depression for about 2 years now. Never thought I would fall into a depression the way I did, but it happens. I struggle every single day, some days worse than others. But I push on. I see a therapist twice a week and a psychiatrist every other week. I try to keep myself busy with my workouts, I try and train every other day. I’ve been an avid bodybuilder, weightlifter for so many years. I went through a period where I wouldn’t train at all. Recently I started back and sometimes I just don’t have the motivation. I’ve eliminated all caffeine and I’ve tried to incorporate meditation into my regimen. Best wishes. Samson