not functioning well

[FogLand]

I’ve been having a big downturn since 2019. It’s easy to blame the pandemic and whenever I talk about how I’m feeling, everyone jumps to blame that. The social isolation wasn’t easy and it was a scary time, but I have spent a lot of my life alone and I don’t feel particularly lonely.

However, I know I have really pulled back from connecting to other people and having close friends or a partner in the last two-three years. Part of that for me is no longer accepting bad treatment from friends and partners, so I know it’s healthy I have moved away from accepting that in my life.

I used to be very into the gym and it helped me manage my depression and anxiety, but I can’t find the motivation to go anymore. I’m crippled with anxiety about being at the gym because I feel so self conscious and uncomfortable with my body and being out of shape. It’s strange to me because I’m not in the worst shape of my life and in many ways I’m healthier than I was in the past but I just have no desire to go. It used to be an outlet for me but now it’s just another stressful thought.

I have an intense job and I love it, I’m doing well professionally and no one I work with would ever know I have all these feelings, but I’m so worried I’ll get worse and be more miserable. I always have a worse time in the fall and use a therapy lamp but I just feel propped up by it and my antidepressant. I feel like I’m just melting away. I want my life to be different but I’m not sure how to improve.

[just_keep_swimming]

I think you have to get to the root of what is causing your depression and anxiety for me it was one losing people I loved and the secondly not feeling I was good enough .