We wait for wings to spread

[Starrlight]

We are drowning in slow motion

In black smoke lingering

The living crash into circles of lost time

Reflections of the moon song

While the old night stops suddenly

And the sleeping are desperate to sing

Because they suffocate waiting

To tread water in these forgotten dreams

Nightmares they turn into

Death and ghosts hurry along

When I did become lost in their waves

One last time to swim

All is recovered and cleansed by the sunrise again

While we wait together

Wings spread like the heavens in this trance

[Lve2dance]

That was so beautiful ❤️

[Lve2dance]

.. It reminded me of the spoken word poetry I have done in the past.. You have a great way with words.

[Starrlight in reply to Lve2dance]

I am having trouble sharing my feelings so I find this more of an abstract way of expressing easier.

[Lve2dance]

It's awesome.. ❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Lve2dance]

Thanks. I’d like to read your writings i you feel like that’s ok.

[Lve2dance]

I'm protective of them.. I have read at open mic before cell phones were around.. I don't post any where

[Starrlight in reply to Lve2dance]

I understand that. That’s awesome that you did an open mic.

[Lve2dance]

😘. It was really big back in the day.. Coffee ☕ houses were not Starbucks lol

[Starrlight in reply to Lve2dance]

oh yeah, it’s a shame

[Lve2dance]

Definitely.. I like Starbucks ☕😁.. But I miss the other ones definitely

[Mrspjsmom]

Very moving.

[Tara52]

That was so incredibly poignant. Yes we are all awaiting to "awaken" out of this nightmare of unreality. Its so frustrating because heaven is all around us but we rarely experience it because of this material dream. We have to hang in there encouraging one another knowing we will all live in the reality of love and harmony one day.🙏😇💗

[Starrlight in reply to Tara52]

beautiful words Tara… Love and harmony … do you think we will live in it in this life or the next?

[Tara52 in reply to Starrlight]

Well I am experiencing more of it slowly as I work to control my thought life more consistently. My major paradigm shift came after my boyfriend died. I struggle wih insomnia, how about you?

[Starrlight in reply to Tara52]

oh I’m so sorry for your loss. 😞 (((((((( I try to live day to day not expecting anything, not seeing events as good nor bad but all a learning experience that I take with me wherever I go.

[primrose81]

Loved this Starrlight, it is beautifully written and has powerful imagery xx

[Starrlight in reply to primrose81]

thank you so much Primrose. How are you?

[primrose81 in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks for asking, I am reasonably okay xx hope you are as well?

[Dolphin14]

Nicely written my friend. You have many talents.

Take care of you.

❤️🐬

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

yes I am thank you 🙏 😊 ❤️⭐

[Starrlight]

The clouds are our feelings, the sky is still blue underneath and is reality.

[mrmonk in reply to Starrlight]

I dig this...and your poem, more so 😺

[Starrlight in reply to mrmonk]

That means a lot to me. Thanks. How are you doing?

[mrmonk]

You're welcome, of course. 😺

Me, I'm all arrhythmia and out of breath at rest, predictably days after I had to send back my holter monitor (my heart behaved most of the time I was wearing it, then, like a child once the adult leaves the room, makes much unobserved mischief 😼).

How are you?

[Starrlight in reply to mrmonk]

Oh noooo. I would think that’s very frustrating. Mischief making heart. Are you feeling healthy otherwise? I wonder if they’ll have you wear the monitor again or what. How’s your kitty?

[mrmonk in reply to Starrlight]

I have supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) and ectopic heartbeats, so I have to be vigilant. But I always feel somewhat guilty when I end up calling the ambulance for my arrhythmias and associated symptoms because I know my anxiety also factors into it. Thankfully, the EMTs and hospital staff are always very supportive.

Health-wise, there are still lots of concerns because I haven't had a physical examination in a few years, or any of the regular imaging tests for which I am long overdue. So, I worry. I appreciate you asking after me; you're very kind, Starrlight.

I saw the results of my echocardiogram and the report seems to indicate normal findings. We'll see what my cardiologist says about it, though, and what the monitor detected (if anything).

Though also another mischievous part of my heart, my kitty is, as ever, angelic. 🐈👼

[Starrlight in reply to mrmonk]

I looked up SVT. It reminds me of the rapid heartbeats I get but it’s from anxiety and I was given Propanolol to slow it down but with SVT I notice the heart beats go both ways, rapid to slower than normal. Good the echocardiogram showed normal. Oh yeah when its to do with the heart better to be safe than sorry and glad the EMTs and hospital staff ‘get it’. Awww give your angel 🐱 a kiss from me 😘

[Starrlight in reply to mrmonk]

I’m good at the moment, thanks. Making lasagna after going to library and the pumpkin patch.

[mrmonk in reply to Starrlight]

Ah, some fond memories from my childhood -- Sunday lasagna, the library...and The Great Pumpkin (Charlie Brown)! 😺

[Starrlight in reply to mrmonk]

Yes such good stuff!!! Nostalgia is with me today.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to mrmonk]

The same thing happened to me when I took off my heart monitor. Very amusing. (I don't know why I'm laughing.) I'm not as good as you are about going to the hospital when things aren't right. I know it could be anxiety, so I wait until I'm in lots of pain. I wish I was brave like you.

I was watching clips of favorite moments from Monk last night. In one of the comments, someone said if bravery is being scared and going ahead and doing it anyway, Mr. Monk was the bravest guy on television. (The scene where he stares down a moving plane and doesn't budge.) It made me cry. Course, the scene where he says "Then for God's sake stop me!" had me roaring with laughter.

[mrmonk in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Whatever else I may be, I can assure you I am not brave.

I'm terrified. Of death.

I should clarify: my symptoms that prompt 9-1-1 calls are not caused by anxiety, but anxiety does exacerbate them. Sure, I have fears about going to the ER -- namely, that I will catch some coronavirus variant while there -- but none that is stronger than the fear of dying suddenly and alone when it happens.

Adrian Monk's bravery is another matter -- I think it's more complicated than the Internet commenter suggested -- but I'm bad at discussing things like that in writing, so I'll leave it there.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to mrmonk]

You seem very brave from this side of the screen. You do things to protect yourself, the hospital included. Oh, an amazing cross-country trip to a new home.

I think trauma and mental illness left me without enough confidence to believe I can make myself safe.

When you look out for yourself you are an inspiration to me. As is our dear friend Starrlight. A couple-a Everyready bunnies, you two. I want to learn to face terror that way.

Wow! I never saw you bad at any kind of writing. Okay, it's left.

[littlefreak]

this poetry describes exactly how i'm feeling. thank you for sharing it.

[Starrlight in reply to littlefreak]

Oh I feel for you. When I was writing it I was very much suffering. You’re very welcome.

[littlefreak in reply to Starrlight]

if i may ask, how did you get through everything that was happening to you?

[Starrlight in reply to littlefreak]

So I’m still going through it so it’s like an off on, off on kind of a thing…I use tools like walking barefoot in the grass, meditating, I talk to my therapist, I work very hard but also I ask people in my life to help,…I look at each night as a time to wind down and allow myself to rest, a time when I try not to worry, knowing that it’s my time and I imagine feeling better tomorrow and I sometimes set goals. I have been really stressed lately so I find it helpful to pray and talk to God because it helps in trusting the process…and to stay grateful. I try to remind myself that things are better than my anxiety makes it seem like. Oh and I drink tons of calming tea with lavender chamomile and such. And I encourage myself with positive self talk. Like “ it’s ok hey youve got this” stuff like that.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

It's not the first time I've thought you'd be a heck of a teacher. I learn more from your posts than from all the published stuff I've seen.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

that means a lot to me, I really needed that thank you!!!

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

Hey, you're welcome.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Whatchya up to?

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

Trying to pull myself together after more of my usual trouble. I hate taking the @#$%&! sedatives, but I did. Either that, or spend the night shaking, crying, and my heart acting up. Just another day in paradise.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

you do what you need to do… I’m so sorry you suffer so

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you Starr. I'm in a trap I can't find my way out of. I feel like a failure that I keep trying and things don't get better.

I need to hear it's okay to "do what you need to do". Such simple words but they mean so much to me. Everything I do here is wrong.

[Nothing_but_books]

I'm letting it set. It's too much for me.