Are we the architects of our own misfortune?

[Jeff1943]

Are you concentrating on the symptoms of your anxiety rather than the cause?

As you probably know your panic attacks, breathlessness and feeling of doom etc etc are not caused by true physical illness. They are the result of blips and glitches in your nervous system which has become over sensitive due to anxiety overload.

So although the scary symptoms seem real enough they are in fact fakes, frauds and imposters. The normal response is to react with fear to these symptoms and to try to address them. But you can't cure yourself of an illness you haven't got no matter how hard you try.

We are our own worst enemies, our misery is self inflicted. We insist on obsessing about these distressing symptoms in the hope that they will go away. But they don't because they are fuelled by the fear with which we react to our symptoms. We insist on responding to the flash of first fear (which is beyond our control) with second fear. This releases the fear hormones that fuel our nervous sensitivity. We provide the means for our own misery.

Instead of stressing and obsessing about our fake symptoms I suggest we should look to the cause. If we can put that right then eventually the days of our anxiety are numbered. No matter how long or how deeply we have suffered.

First we should address the stresses that caused our nervous illness in the first place. These may include toxic relationships, overwork, grief, money worries, loss, sexual abuse, marijuana, shame to name but a few. Respond to these causes of your distress decisively and ruthlessly. If you're not sure how then confide in a wise and trusted friend or failing that ask your friends on this forum for many there are.

However, too often the original cause of our distress is left behind and our anxiety disorder has become self-perpetuating. We experience symptoms which cause fear which causes more nervous sensitisation which causes more symptoms which cause more fear and round and round it goes.

How then do we overcome these causes of our discomfort? I suggest doing the opposite of what instinct dictates. Our instinct is to fight this demon. You've maybe been doing that for some time. But fighting back at symptoms never works: has it worked for you? Of course not or you wouldn't be here.

Fighting only generates more stress and tension, the last thing you need. So do the opposite, accept all your symptoms for the moment. Accept them as an unwelcome guest but accept them 100%. Agree to coexist with the beast for a little longer. You know symptoms are really only harmless feelings that can do you no permanent damage. So why award them so much of your time and attention.

Refuse to fight, run up the white flag, accept those feelings for the time being. Face them but do not reward them with so much of your time and attention, they are simply not deserving of it.

When you learn to respond to your symptoms with acceptance* for the time being you lose your fear of them, you no longer react to the flash of first fear with second fear. As your nerves are no longer being swamped with fear every five minutes they begin the natural healing process just as any other part of your body repairs itself if left in peace.

Then one day you awake and realise something has changed: you have regained your quiet mind, the demons have decamped.

Great will be your joy on that day of days!

*Acceptance as a road to recovery is described in full in Claire Weekes' first book 'Self help for your nerves.'

[Tinkynutbug]

Wow Jeff you always hit it right on the head bless your heart!

[SpiritualT]

Gosh I love you Jeff!!! You are amazing.. 😊

[20Voices]

I do believe in facing the fears, but for me trying to work out the cause of my breakdown didn't work because for me it was not one thing that caused my anxieties and depression.

What has worked for me was Acceptance that I was ill. Acceptance that I was going to gave work hard to gain my confidence, self-esteem and health again. Once I accepted that I needed to look forward and basically rebuild myself to be the person I wanted to be, then I started to get better.

I am still going through anxieties, but now I know how to cope better and believe that I will get through it the anxieties and panics resolve quicker.

So for me acceptance worked, going over and over what happened didn't.

[Jeff1943 in reply to 20Voices]

Thank you for sharing your experience and the way acceptance has helped you to move forward.

I didn't mean that we should become obsessed by traumas in our past, that was the mistake Sigmund Freud made. But if we have unfinished business from the past and it is possible to resolve it then we should do precisely that.

Also if the stresses that are affecting us so badly are in the present (like a job we hate) we should do everything possible to neutralise them. Obvious stuff I know but it needs to be said as some people put up with negativity for years for whatever reason.

If no resolution is possible then we may be able to look at the problem from a different perspective to reduce the stress.

I wish you God's speed for a full recovery.

[MRawPR in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you Jeff! Wise words. We do not let fear defeat us. You have a great day! M

[20Voices in reply to Jeff1943]

So true about dealing with past issues if you can. My experienced was due to everyone trying make me look stupid, well that is how I felt at the time, by insisting that I should have known what caused my breakdown. It wasn't until I started working with a lovely psychologist that explained it to me that my stress dam had been building up over the years and not getting emptied enough until the dam could that no more and broke that I felt like someone finally understood.

With regards to getting so stressed out with work and not doing anything about it, that was one of my stressors. I worked for a company where I got so caught up in protecting my customers that I didn't leave the company and ended up suffering from migraines where I lost my sight when I had them. I know now to take care of myself because no matter what programs companies have in place for health and well being when it comes down to it, you can be left struggling with now support at all.

It is hard to make changes, but sometimes it can be harder in the end not to have made them when it comes to your health and well being.

[Jeff1943 in reply to 20Voices]

I'm glad that you found the solution to your problem and successfully turned things around. We don't get enough success stories here, your's will give hope to many here. Thank you.

[20Voices in reply to Jeff1943]

Thanks, I still have my dark moments, but have found the techniques and coping strategies that work for me. I don't get upset these days when I have a low moment. I just adjust what I was planning to do and take care of me. I was even able to let my friends know that I was not in a good place with the last one and they just checked in on me from time to time, but didn't get upset or make me feel guilty for missing things we had planned.

I am still learning but so lucky I now have people around me that understand as I lost a lit of friends in the beginning.

I just know if I can do this others can as well.

[Beevee in reply to 20Voices]

Me too. I stopped trying to figure it all out and just accepted whatever came my way. Peace of mind and body returned.

[Agora1]

A great post Jeff!

[Glorylab]

Hi Jeff.

Let me thank you and Beevee for assisting me to get 'Self Help for your Nerves'.

However, Iam one bewildered person, in deep trouble and suffering with no peace or any hope in sight. To be truthful, I lost hope and many atimes have wished for an end.

I have been trying to practice what is in Cleires book but God, am I in a mess!

My biggest problem is the severity of my symptoms, the mojor one being a constant, severe headache and clogged mind. Note that this never leaves me. For years I havent been able to do basic worka that a man can do. Any effort to be active leaves me wretching badly and completly lost in a daze, immobilized and fatigued.

My doc put me on cipralex and even went on to gve an antisycotic (sp). They did nothing. He then put me on sertraline. It doesnt work though am still on it. Pain killers stopped working at all. Zero. I hve undergone tests and the conclusion was severe anxiety. Am lost and I dont know how to accept these pains which are not responding to anything. I dont know what to expect tomorrw if I will still be here.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Glorylab]

I know the feeling. I to have severe anxiety and it’s so hard to deal with everyday. The slightest thing or worry sets it off.

[JEG325 in reply to Shutterbug65]

Yes, I also experience that from time to time. You can always pm me if you want to talk!

[Beevee in reply to Shutterbug65]

Keep practising acceptance. Accept everything. Accept the bewilderment. You don’t have to like it to accept. You will still feel like crap for a while, even when you are fully accepting. You just have to learn to be ok about not feeling ok and take it with you as you go about your daily life.

I carried on working despite horrendous feelings of dread, fear, and intense feelings of stress. A five year old could have taken me in hand as my confidence levels were zero. But I persevered. Those thoughts and feelings started to gradually dissipate and disappeared over a period of time. I didn’t monitor how long it took and don’t honestly know, or care. It just happened. I maintain that had I hid away, I would never have discovered that it wasn’t the job causing my anxiety, it was me. Worrying that it might have been the job. Worrying that I wasn’t up to it. Feeling paranoid, thinking all sorts of negative rubbish. I identified with it all and worried even more. That was my problem. I believed it.

I then started to have moments when none of that rubbish was there. Slowly, I realised that it was just anxiety making me think and feel that way. And I was keeping it going by entertaining it all. So I stopped. I just let my anxiety do anything. Nothing was off limits. I let all the thoughts and feelings be there and did nothing to try and change any of it. That was the start of my recovery.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Beevee]

Thank you. That’s a wonderful story. But if you did nothing to try and change your thoughts how did you get better. I understand the part of acceptance and I shouldn’t worry about stuff that hasn’t happened yet. Anxiety tricks us into believing our worrisome thoughts are going to come true. At least for me I worry and obsess about everything that can go wrong, and it will cause a catastrophe and I won’t be able to deal with it.

The thing is when your alone and have no one near by to help, worry and dread can really take hold of your life. And my mind tells me all it takes is one thing to go wrong and my life will fall apart. That I’m a loser, I’m worthless, and I never accomplished anything.

I’m happy you have found peace of mind. I wish I was as strong. Thank you for your thoughtful post. I’m going to read it again to see if some of it will sink in.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Shutterbug65]

By accepting and doing nothing to try and change your thoughts you stop pumping fear hormones into your system and this gives your over sensitised nervous system a chance to de-sensitise. Once that happens your mind no longer exaggerates every negative thought and fear tenfold or more and you've recovered.

So let the negative thoughts and the bad feelings come, accept them 100% for the time being, do not fight them and stop adding second fear to the flash of first fear. Just accept.

You cannot both fear and truly accept, the more you truly accept the less you fear.

[Beevee in reply to Shutterbug65]

As Jeff says accepting means letting those catastrophic thoughts come and learning NOT to identify with the content. Another way to describe this is to turn all those “what ifs?” into so what? Placing belief into these thoughts by adding more fear ( the what ifs) is the reason anxiety hangs around. It fans the flames.

You don’t have to be strong, it’s about changing your attitude towards those catastrophic thoughts and learning to observe them. For example, here is an anxious thought coming in through the front door. I have no control over these thoughts and they are going to continue to scare me automatically for a while, which is fine. I’ll just watch all of this unfold in my mind’s eye and learn to just let the thought and feeling slip by, questioning none of it. I’m not going to identify with the thought and add more, I’m going to simply let it go out the back door.

All these anxious thoughts are just a figment of an overly anxious mind. If you try to rationalise the anxious thought, you are trying to fix things with an anxious mind. It is the same as pouring petrol on a fire and hoping it extinguishes the flames. this is why letting go works. You stop fuelling the fire which will eventually burn itself out. Doing nothing about the thoughts works.

I had thousands upon thousands of anxious thoughts that scared me the core. Some stuck because I identified with them. When I eventually assigned them all to the anxiety bin, they faded away quietly. Every single anxious thought just vanished without so much as a wave goodbye. I lost my respect for them because I learned and saw for myself that they were just thoughts, not reality. Nothing more.

It takes practice to accept and far from impossible. We all have the strength to overcome anxiety. As the old saying goes, It will be alright in the end and if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.

Best wishes

Beevee

[Jeff1943 in reply to Glorylab]

I'm so sorry to hear of your extreme suffering, Glorylab. The medics are of the opinion that this is severe anxiety but have failed to produce a med to bring you respite.

I am not an expert on meds for anxiety but many years ago I did start a course of Amitriptyline and within 3 weeks I felt fine. Also I think Valium/diazepam has brought instant relief to many though we are told it should only be taken for a short period continuously or better still just occasionally as needed in 'emergencies'.

Have you ever tried valium/diazepam? Although you can only take it continuously for 3 weeks or so it might give you a break from your symptoms. As you may know valium gives instant relief, effective in about 5 minutes, no having to wait 3 to 6 weeks to kick in.

You say you have read Claire Weekes' first book 'Self help for your nerves' (also published as 'Hope and help for your nerves'. With respect your biology is the same as everyone else, the big difference is the severity of your symptoms. But I still say that her Acceptance method if studied and practiced can bring you recovery just as it has to tens of millions* of others.

May I suggest you revisit the book, read it again and again until it becomes second nature. Then practice and practice, not expecting results in the short term, but not giving up. In my opinion there is no reason it can't work for you even though your symptoms are greater than most who suffer from high anxiety.

Acceptance means learning to live with your symptoms for the time being BUT as BeeVee once wrote: " Learn to live with anxiety and you'll be able to live without it."

You may find her 4 other books helpful too. Let her teachings become an obsession (almost). Either way, I do hope that you find respite and recovery before too long.

*Dr David Barlow, Professor Emiritus of Psychology and Psychiatry at Boston University.

[gemfire in reply to Jeff1943]

Agree 100% about the Valium for short term. Miracle drug for anxiety but very addictive. Just like you said, for short term use only.

[Funkyfaerie]

Thank you once again Jeff.

Even today, I had arranged to go out and I woke up with a churning stomach and then shaky, nauseous.... But I told myself that it was just the fear of the old panic symptoms returning just because I was going out. I continued to get ready to go, even feeling panicky, I was trying to ignore it.

I went out with my friend went for a walk and coffee and I was absolutely fine. I will not let it get to me so much anymore, it has never harmed me, just made my life miserable.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Funkyfaerie]

That is good that you had the courage to do the thing you feared but when you came to do it you felt no fear or anxiety. May it be the same the next time and the next.

Fear of fear can blight our lives. The way to overcome it is to do it and feel fear and anxiety but still go through with it and dare I say still find some enjoyment therein.

Then when we next contemplate leaving our comfort zone we know there is nothing to fear because even if we feel fear and anxiety during the event we know we can handle it. When that stage is reached we are no longer being bullied by fear and anxiety.

Funkyfairie, I hope your recent success means you have turned the corner and joined the happy throng of those travelling the Yellow Brick Road to full recovery.

[Funkyfaerie in reply to Jeff1943]

Thanks for replying Jeff, much appreciated.

I managed it two days on the trot again.

I have three grandchildren staying for a few days. I felt a bit iffy both days, but managed to take them out to Halloween activities, distraction once I'm out must be the key!

I don't think I'm out if the woods, but getting stronger every day. I have to realise I might still have a bad day, but those set backs are fully explained in Claire Weekes book!

Best Wishes

[Spooky99]

Thank you for that! I just had an attack Sunday and have been isolating... fear of another. I read a book in the early 90’s about anxiety, it said “ if you have these symptoms, you May not be insane. “ I closed the book right there because that was telling me .. well I could be insane. I never picked up another book since. Maybe I should get this Claire Weeks book

[Jeff1943 in reply to Spooky99]

Attacks of panic and anxiety are scary and the normal response is to fear another. But if a self- help book can give us the understanding and reassurance that these events are not life threatening - and we can recover our quiet mind not by fighting them but by accepting them for the time being then such a book is at least worth reading.

In the U.S. and U.K. versions of Amazon there are 1,600 reader reviews of Claire Weekes' books and 90% rate them very good or excellent.

If you should decide to look further I recommend her first book (still in print after 50 years) titled "Hope and help for your nerves" in the U.S. or if you are lucky enough to be born British😄 the U.K. title is "Self help for your nerves".

Claire Weekes' short book does not seek to blind readers with technical terms and is available new or used from Amazon and Ebay.

Possession of the knowledge her teachings give may bring a warm feeling but it is only when we persistently practice her method and let time pass that we recover.

[AjaStar]

That’s all well and good for some people but others suffer “real” symptoms. I have functional neurological disorder FND which some doctors believe is caused by stress. I had been experiencing a tingling prickling and vibrating sensation throughout my body for about a week and one day I got up from bed and felt a heavy weight on the right side of my face. I looked at the mirror and it had drooped and I thought I had a stroke. I went to hospital and my tests came back normal and they said my brain computer hardware is normal but there is a problem with the brains software. There is no cure but can do physical therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy to help manage your symptoms. I was twitching, losing my balance, could hardly walk, numbness, blurry vision, a heaviness on my chest, problems breathing and swallowing and tremors and heart rhythm irregularities. This was not fake and did cause havoc on my body. I was asked if something traumatic happened to me because when the doctors can’t find an answer to something they always blame stress. I said no, I was actually relaxing and reading a book when it happened. I had been in the emergency room in the past for what they thought was a panic attack even though there was nothing stressful happening and I never agreed with that. Like computers, some brains malfunction and it is genetic. Some family members have neurological issues including tremors for no obvious medical reason. There is still so much about the brain doctors still don’t know and they don’t know what or why this has happened to me. It took me a while to “accept” my symptoms but I still experience daily symptoms no matter my mood. I’ve been to a psychiatrist and even he said there is nothing to treat because you are not in emotional distress. So yes sometimes you are causing these symptoms with your anxiety but for others their symptoms happen through no fault of their own and will suffer long term no matter how much help or acceptance they get. Do not dismiss the suffering these real symptoms cause and accept that it’s not always your fault, and it’s a problem with the brain that you cannot control, it’s genetic.

[hurtingheart1 in reply to AjaStar]

Thanks for being open & sharing about your issues with your brain- it’s interesting to me & complex- because so true that the brain is complex!! I’m curious have you ever read or learned anything about Dr. Daniel Amen he has a good amount of books on the brain and a podcast as well I try read some of his books and listen to podcast but at times even gets overwhelming my brain always wants to get so emotional about everything so I hav to take small doses of info!! But I like his info. Cause offers some hope and maybe a bit simpler to understand research and all on help for brain health/issues!

[Jeff1943 in reply to AjaStar]

I agree that a disposition towards anxiety can be genetic. My own anxiety disorder is genetic and has affected at least 5 generations of my family. But by using acceptance we can still minimise the frequency and strength of the episodes, send them packing so to speak. And whilst we know they may return we also know we can send them packing again only this time it will be easier because we have done it all before.

As I see it the difference between real symptoms and fake symptoms is as follows. You refer to blurry vision: if this is caused by myopia or glaucoma I would say it is real. But if the blurriness is caused by nervous disturbances then it is fake because it is not organic in origin.

If balance problems are caused by Miniere's disease of the ear then the symptoms are real. But if caused by an over sensitised nervous system they are fake.

Glaucoma and Minieres can be identified by a scan, something shows up on a screen or print out. But visual aura and nervous vertigo do not show up on a screen. There is no sign of them on a CT scan, even under the most powerful microscope they are nowhere to be seen.

This to me is the difference between real organic symptoms and fake symptoms caused by over sensitisation of the nervous system.

Symptoms are not dependent on what mood we are in, they are dependent on 24/7 over-sensitisation of the nervous system. So even though superficially all is well, the problem can still be waiting to make itself felt even when we least expect.

I do not dismiss the suffering of psychsomatic symptoms, they are as distressing as symptoms caused by organic illness. And because anxiety can increase the strength of symptoms ten fold or more they are perhaps even more distressing.

As you say there is much the brain doctors don't know, psychiatry is an infant science: it hardly existed one hundred years ago.

[gemfire]

Thank you for the visual "run up the white flag" Jeff! By just thinking of that white flag being run up the pole will be calming I'm sure. I'll try it next time I need it. *Clink* that's the noise of another tool landing in my toolbox of things that help with anxiety. We can use all the tools in the shed for sure! You're the best