For many years of my life I have felt this sense of sadness and lack of purpose overwhelm me. Whenever I make mistakes, something bad happens, I'm stressed or there are family and friend troubles I withdraw into this sense of hopelessness . I struggle to live in the here and now and I overthink almost everything that happens to me. I put on a mask around others and I'm good at talking to people and seem confident and happy. But I permanently feel this numbness in me, everything feels like a bit of a blur and I sometimes find it hard to take care of myself and do basic things like showering or brushing my teeth. However, with life sometimes being busy I always have to get back up and give myself this fake image of being okay. Even when good things happened to me like when i was in a relationship, or when i saw my friends and family I still felt as if i wasn't physically there. Like I was just watching myself do these things and my head feels static, it's never fully relaxed it's always permanently static and it's painful.
I used to self harm and want to punish myself, I felt as if i didn't have a place in this world and that the only thing I do is make other peoples lives worse. I think that was linked to my family's relationship as well as my relationships with other people.
I'm so fed up of this cycle and i feel more lonely then ever. I lost my ex partner a while ago and whilst i don't miss him, i miss the comfort of having someone always by my side. I don't really have any close friends anymore either. i just want someone to talk to, i need comfort.
But then again i feel so selfish to be thinking any of this. Nothing in my life has ever really been that bad. Of course we have a few bad things happen, but don't we all. I have a family that love me and a roof under my head and i'm so angry at myself for still being sad.
I have never been to see a doctor about potentially having any mental health issues but I just think to myself that I don't deserve to go, what even would I tell them. I always felt like i might have depression or high-functioning anxiety but I'm really not sure. One part of me wants someone to take away this permanent pain but another finds comfort in feeling so sad.
Written by
ser3nity
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I understand and can relate to your pain. I’m sorry for what you are going through.Do not give up hope! Keep on trying, get out bed and do things that need to be done and things you like. Don’t focus on yourself, focus on others, on blessings, on the beauty in the world! Give thanks for what you have. I believe our purpose is to live and learn, become better people and to help others. Treat others like you want to be treated. FORGIVE.
Get exercise, sunshine, eat well and play nicely with others. Easier said than done I know, but keep trying. Talk to someone you trust.
Pray to Heavenly Father for help. He wants to hear from you and he will listen.
I feel for you. I have felt the same. When you're in it it feels like you've never felt differently.This is Depression. You shouldnt feel guilty for feeling the way you do. People were designed to be part of close knit groups, but society just isn't set up that way. The pressures from commercialisation mean we are all individuals, wondering our own path. Maximum efficiency in the commercial world and the labour market mean we all have to operate at sole agents, when naturally we want to be part of a tribe.
This often leads to a sense of loss, depression, and anxiety.
Medications can help lift your spirits enough to enable you to make the changes that will make things better over the long term.
Don't be afraid to go to a doctor, or to talk to a therepist. Both can really help.
ser3nity, well, YOU DO have a friend now! 🙏. You sound so compassionate, caring, sensitive, supportive, intelligent, warm, and caring. I'm wondering if for some reason, you've been less than kind to yourself. To, mr,, you sound like you're a very special person who deserves to be treated special like the special person that you are. 😇😇😇. ...just a thought 🙏
It definitely sounds like you have depression, as I do too. I would not be alive without medication so please don't hesitate to talk to a doctor about what you are going through. You can feel better. Sending you lots of strength.
Yes, it feels comfortable because it's familiar and safe but it's also preventing you from getting help and living the kind of life you desire. It sounds like you also have issues with low-self-worth and self-care that you would benefit from investigating and healing.
It sounds like you would really benefit from finding a good therapist to work with and help unravel and investigate the stories and beliefs you are telling yourself about yourself, others and life. You might also benefit from medication at least temporarily to help in your healing.
It takes courage to get help and make the necessary changes required to heal but it's definitely worth it.
I am sorry that you are feeling this way! Sometimes the best way to help ourselves overcome our anxiety, depression, loneliness is by getting out there and helping others. I have to remind myself occasionally, "that there is other people out in this world who are worse off than me!" I believe that goes for ALL of us! "There are people out in this world than each of us." - So maybe try figuring out what kind of interests/ desires that you have and go get involved in helping others...Maybe you might have an interest in; baking you could help down at the local rescue mission feeding people, kids/ maybe you can volunteer at an elementary school help teaching kids how to read, how about the elderly? You could help at a nursing home or hospice center, you like animals/ you help out at the local animal shelter walking dogs. Do you like reading, maybe you can start a story time up at the library? Sports? Try coaching a little league team or after school sports. Maybe you enjoy babies, you could be a volunteer rocker; rocking babies for comfort or to rock them to sleep.... There are so many things out there that you can volunteer for. Remember, "Helping others, is helping yourself!"
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Feeling completely lost and helpless. Please help
I’m new..please help 
Living alone and feeling more lonely than ever right now
Feeling and being judged
Will I ever feel like myself again/feeling distant 
