Letting people down

[CaliBoa22]

so I went the movies w my family. N we came home n my brother, sister n her boyfriend we’re going to go back to see another one but my brother didn’t wanna go anymore n I’m not feeling good so I don’t wanna go either. But telling her Im not going made me feel like the biggest piece of trash to walk the earth n idk why. It’s like whenever I pass up spending time w close ones it basically sends me spiraling down bc there’s always that weird “what if this is the last time talking to you” or “what if they really need you right now” or “what if they really wanted to spend time with me” but at the same time I literally can’t be around them. When I don’t feel good or somethings wrong I retreat by myself till I get better. It’s just what I’m used to. Plus I’m not good company I don’t wanna bring down the vibe or be the complainy sick one you know? Depression is such a lose-lose situation. Your damned if you do n damned if you don’t. Also first day sober doin good!

[compasnet]

Hey Cali, YOU go! YES!!! CONGRATS on the firdt day!👌...Awesome!! That's NOT easy 🙏. How wonderful...been there done that! You know what rhey say in AA, one day at a time.she 🙏 As to the other thing, iit seems to me that maybe you're overthrowing a bit and also kinda being too hard on yourself. ...just a thought. 🙏

[Stippler]

Way to go CaliBoa22! We are pulling for you!