People

[Survivor4Ever]

I’m fighting depression. People are your so called “friends” turn on you in a second. Why is it if you pretend and where a mask so you appear your life is fine around others and some people who will show how bad their life have the right to attack you . They have no idea what your going through, so just because I’m not showing you how sad and hurting, I really am . In a dark hole, which I refer to as a pit or a dungeon. Doesn’t give you the right to judge me because my life looks better and/or different from yours. Maybe I want to drive my car off a bridge . I just don’t share how much pain I’m in.And once gain I lose another friend whose life is much worse than n mine, because they make it a point to tell and show everyone about how bad it is. I’m at times one of those people who can be secretive about my depression and pain. And wear different masks. Just not fair. I feel like that’s a victim mentality which I chose not fall in that trap, but some days I do but alone. But it’s a waste of our time. It takes so much of your energy and countless hours. It’s easier for me to wear a mask than to tell the whole world how terrible my life is. Not sure which I’d better. However, I’d rather keep my pain inside and try to climb out of the hole. I do see at times a ray of light. I am hopeful . Has anyone ever felt this way ? Good for thoughts

[b1b1b1]

Yes, I am not very open about my feelings of depression, except possibly with 1 very close friend. I find people generally don't want to talk about it and will change the subject quickly. As to the people who criticize you, they are not worth your time and energy.

[Survivor4Ever in reply to b1b1b1]

Thank you! I appreciate you saying that and those words!

[hypercat54]

I think with true friends you don't need to wear a mask. If you have to they are not friends.

[Roxylox in reply to hypercat54]

I wear it with friends and family 'cos I am afraid of being misinterpreted, as l often am.

Also when in public, l have a weird ability to hear people l know, or knew saying bad stuff about me even at quite a long distance, l feel if l said this to friends or family they would think I was hearing voices or imagining things.

Believe me l suffer from neither.

A member I used to correspond with on here asked if l was hypervigilant ( I had to look up the word). Perhaps he's right. Sorry for sort of hijacking another post

[hypercat54 in reply to Roxylox]

I had a similar thing Roxy when I was a lot younger. The friends I used to hang about with all had partners and were very attractive. They got chatted up and got compliments. Because I am not attractive I got a lot of nasty comments by men and when I told my friends they didn't believe me and implied they were only jokes or that it wasn't said. It wasn't a joke and yes it was said. But years later one of the women turned round and said to me yes I believe you now as I am getting the same sort of thing. Hallelujah!

I remember being out with one attractive friend shopping who was 5 years younger than me. This guy we knew vaguely stopped to chat and asked if I was her mother! By this time I had zero tolerance and had a right go at him and stomped off to be followed by my friend who was really embarrassed and said he was only joking! I said that is not a joke it was insulting and I wasn't going to take it any more, and that was that!

[Roxylox in reply to hypercat54]

Definitely there is only so much a person can take

[Survivor4Ever in reply to hypercat54]

I agree and I don’t wear a mask around them but somehow they find a way to use what they know about you and throw it back in your face. When their life gets worse and they are having one of those days and lash out at youvomit on you. I wish I could help them. But you can’t help people who won’t admit the have a problem and just want to life in pure misery

[Survivor4Ever in reply to hypercat54]

And just want to bring you down and keep you down or make you feel worse

[Mumma_h]

Absolutely! I just had one of my closest friends of 35 years turn on me last night. They’re having housing issues and all over the place , lashed out . I’ve said of course they can stay with me but I’m not in right area. I don’t have many friends and feel likes he’s using it against me to vent . Sometimes I think he dosnt truly understand my depression. My depression was hell on earth and terrified of going down into it again so to do this to me shows no care at all for me, it’s not a joke , it’s serious and I’ve been through so much . Lucky I am coping ok , otherwise I could spiral down. I understand completely about putting on masks . I’m prone to being a ‘chameleon ‘ being whatever anyone thinks I should be and following their ways and opinions in case I get judged or not liked or make anyone upset with me in the slightest. If being yourself has brought negative responses then it becomes a kind of protection, because the pain of being misunderstood is too much . Particularly when being yourself is being depressed, wanting to talk , wanting to cry , wanting to hear what you need to hear , that you’re loved and they’ll be there . Sadly fir some reasons there’s people who do t want to do that , which I find hard to understand because I WANT to do that for people. How hard is it to put your arm around someone and comfort them and just listen??? It dosnt cost anything and can change their world , I dont get it personally. As you get better it won’t matter so much and you’ll also have the confidence to be yourself, express yourself with less fear ...and believe you deserve to get support too from the people around you. Also it’s occured to me at times if I had of sat down my closest friends and told them just how unwell I was and could we come up with something to support me ,then would they have taken it more seriously. Just a thought .

[Olympus]

People are altogether aware of their own failures and feel insecure aand are good at hiding it as well.

[Roxylox]

I am. I am full of pain I only post about here. I don't want to lay it on my husband and family. I sometimed complain to my husband that my siblings don't support me enough after and during the very tough year I have had.

Your post has made me realise they have no way of knowing how much emotional pain I still carry.

I too wear that mask, and mostly only tell them about the positive stuff.

I wonder though, are they afraid to dig deeper?

I too am trying to find a way out of the pain, on my own.

Like you, I am hopeful.

[DodgeDhanda]

Hi S4E.

I have learned to actually not give a single feck about if others wish to judge me or not be my friend & I actually got only 3 friends & my family who support me & others can go drop off into a bottomless pit.

These days when people say they got problems or this hurts , I say I'll swap U!!!

U take a day in my life & they stop as I just get on with life & I do moan about my health issues but that's to my doctor but that's only the physical health now my mental wellbeing I only share with my brothers, kids , a close friend who also has things to deal with & we lean on each other, & you guys here no one else needs to know at all.

At the very beginning I fell ill & ended up in hospital for 3 weeks , it was then that my mental wellbeing started to suffer & my then wife didn't really want to help me or know me & that led to me having a breakdown mentally. I was still working & hiding behind laughter & smiling whilst I was losing myself & after years of denial I knew I had to work on myself & my wellbeing. Going forward several years I'm here & I've worked on myself & continue to do so & overtime I've whittled away what I thought were friends to those I truly want as friends.

Now if U wish to get to a better place where U are happy then it's gonna take lots of hard work & U won't need to put on a false front ever for U accept ur truth.

Now a question if I may do U ever daydream of having a lot of weapons to end people's lives ever ? NOT THAT U EVER WILL DO IT AS ITS WRONG but just a wonder .? I'll be honest & that's what I always am I have & I know I would even know how to use a gun , I wouldn't want to as I just cut those people out of my life & don't bat an eyelid.

That is an example of how daydreaming just that ,something that won't happen.

[Survivor4Ever in reply to DodgeDhanda]

What? Of course not.. I hate violence. I would never own or want a gun

[Survivor4Ever in reply to DodgeDhanda]

Oh your not talking to me . Sorry

[DodgeDhanda in reply to Survivor4Ever]

The violence part was rhetorical as some times I feel that way. However the essay before that was & is meant for you 🤗

[guynfl2chat]

I have found people to be untrust worthy as well. I recently confronted a coworker who was nice to my face but secretly was talking bad about me. When I confronted her on her issues, she quickly turned on me and told me to back off. I have had this happen in my life and makes me anxious and suspicious of the nature of people. I think some people walk around with this mask and some people can be genuine, but its hard to find.

[TangledUpIn in reply to guynfl2chat]

Most people from work have been the kind to say one thing to my face and something different behind my back. It's a toxic work environment with managers throwing workers under the bus. It's amazing companies still operate like this🙄

[Survivor4Ever in reply to TangledUpIn]

I know right …

[Survivor4Ever in reply to guynfl2chat]

I have to agree with you for sure. Especially if your in a relationship and your friend acts like your friend. However has different motives and can turn their back on you in a heartbeat . And if they want what you have whether that be your partner or something. Be careful. There are snakes out there .. who pretend they are your friend until they cross you. Then it sucks because you actually never knew them from the get go. Scary

[Survivor4Ever in reply to guynfl2chat]

Genuine people are hard to find these days