first thanks for everyone's concern for me.
Here's where im at.I'm going to be honest, I'm not that ok. I'm in so much pain I can't stand it. I just sob all day. My wife and son have been away this week and every day Stefen who's 12 send me texts how much he misses me and loves me and another just to say goodnight. He checks up on me at work. Everytime I get one it makes cry. He's such a special boy and we're so attached to each other, we're like each other's best friend. It makes me cry bc then I can't do anything about this pain. Sure I'm in therapy and on meds but they're not helping. I'm not even excited about them coming home. I actually don't want them too. This way I don't have a reminder that I'm stuck with this pain. As long as they're alive I have to be here for them. I won't abandon them. It would crush and ruin Stefen's life. But I don't know how to make the pain go away. I don't even know how to live with It. My wife and I are having major marriage problems largely bc of my depression, we are in counseling, but she doesn't want to hear it. I get no emotional support at home. I have a couple of friends I can call (none local) besides that all I have is my therapist for support
my doctor also won't raise my lithium past 450 which isn't doing jack shit. I was on it before at 600 or 900 and it was a world of difference maybe my pain would be tolerable. I'm looking for a second opinion. I live in NYC. If anyone likes their psychiatrist please PM me