My hopelessness is overwhelming today. I can't see anything but past pain, future unbearable loss. I can't bear it. I want the suffering over.
The future is too much for me to have to face. My husband is moving in with his girlfriend, they are buying a new home together as soon as quarantine is over.
I can't be alone NOW. I mean it. I have grabbed his sleeve, and begged him not to leave me, while he shoves me off and threatens to call the police "if I you don't let go". He comes here and takes care of me. Now. Even though he has a new life. He says "I won't be seeing you so often when I move". He says "I'm not going to stop seeing you and helping you". I guess I'll eat a couple days a week when he's gone - if I live through it again - I can't. And I'll scream alone in pain.
I have already lost my life, my family, any moments free of physical pain. Every moment is full of terror, hopelessness, and all alone. Always. And more is coming. I can't wait for it to hit me. It's too much. I can't survive now, and worse is coming.
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I've been experiencing domestic conflict markedly in the past couple of days, myself.
I was preparing to respond to your last chat message today, but have been sleeping so erratically and overmuch, I actually just woke up a little bit ago to this post.
I don't know quite what to say, other than I'm here if you need an ear to bend; maybe, it'll help you feel a little less alone.
This is not failure and you've nothing to apologize for; you are in pain and hurting. Please don't feel pressed to reply; I just want you to know I am present for you if you should need.
Would it help to talk more about the pain you are in or the situation?
I've seen such agony in words since I joined HealthUnlocked more than two years ago, and I always feel so helpless because what can one do over an Internet forum, you know?
So, I wrote a short poem early on to substitute for physical presence. It's not much of a poem, but it says what I feel for those in their suffering and is what I feel now because it is my sincere wish for you that one day you'll stand without (or, at least, with little) pain:
I have been told to often by too many that I an getting exactly what I deserve. That many people can't be wrong? I believe it is all my fault, just as I've heard forever. I can't fight anymore, the weight crushes me. The nobility in suffering passes me by.
Starrlight (what a beautiful name) Thank you for asking.
I have nothing good to say, my panic and depression overwhelms me. I find a brief smile, here and there, sharing kindness on this forum. I am sick of my complaints. Nothing gets better. (Soft Tenor voice screaming "Help me! Help me! as the spider encroaches...) Funny? No. I didn't think so either.
I feel similar... I try so hard to keep up hope, to keep going,...but I don’t see any better days either...part of me wants to give up but love keeps me... hold onto those smiles, beautiful one. You are important and beautiful and I pray that you find some beautiful moments today.
Are you taking pain meds ? you have to start taking care of yourself.i am full of very bad Arthritis but I do what I need to do to survive.
You sound like a little kid.you did not give enough information for me to really give you advice.STOP feeling sorry for yourself.Post more information about why you have pain.Maybe we can give you better advice.i will pray for you.
No pain meds. Before I knew there were such things I was chased out of a pain doctor's office for drug seeking. (I didn't know what she meant, I was naïve.) Just pain. All the time. I have posted. Look.
Sorry for missing erudition. Do feel sorry for myself. Leave the prayers... I prefer consideration.
Are you in so much pain that you can't cook for yourself.GET to a pain management Dr.NOW.
I hate to talk like this to anyone but you and you only have to take the first step to getting help.I have dealt with pain for years.i feel for you but you have to quit your dependency on your Ex and quit feeling sorry for yourself.everyone is posting real nice suggestions but are not telling you to get off your Butt and do something about your situation.be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you are really doing what you need to do to get better and get back to being a productive happy person again.You can do it.take it one day at a time.Please don't give up.
I will not justify nor explain my situation because you know what is best for me right across the board. Life throws more at us sometimes than we are equipped to manage. I know I am not alone in this. Perhaps you think punching someone when they are down motivates them. I do not.
Sorry you’re going things, of course there are triggers here how could there Not be? This website is about people with anxiety we come here to look for support or to just vent. The Worse thing you could do is BEG anyone, it NEVER works. He’s already moved on. This happens everyday all day. There’s someone out there for You. Just be Patient, you’re vulnerable now and not the time to seek another relationship. What you should do is look into counseling. Time will make make things better
Bless you Want2BHappy, I hope you will be, and are now.
I was in counseling when all of this exploded in my face. With perfect timing, the therapist I knew and trusted for years kicked me out, within weeks of my husband telling he would never be moving home again -- he was looking for a home to buy with his girlfriend.
Her (the therapist's) statement to me was "You need more care than I can give you, so we'll be saying goodbye". So I had no one for months, whilst the "care" facility she referred me to wound me through its gears. And put me with a "therapist" who told me I depressed him.
WHAT??? I’ve Never heard of such a Thing??? That’s their Job??? It’s like someone working in customer service and is Rude. This happened Twice??? Well Good Riddens to them.!!! Just Like that Ex boyfriend you had, people like that you don’t need them in your Life. Don’t give up looking for Help, it’s out there. God Bless and let me know how your doing Really 🙏
Hard to keep looking when every door I've opened takes me to a lower level of Hades. Perhaps Bosch redecorates specially for me.
How I am doing. Really. I am not surviving. Not an ex- boyfriend sweetie. My husband of 36 years. To quote Mr. Monk "a blessing... and a curse". But now I have only loss and fear. Dependent on a man who needs to move on. What will I do? I don't know.
Sorry must’ve got that from another email thought it was a boyfriend. Either way he’s moved on, he’s made the choice for You. You are Surviving as long as you’re Breathing. You probably feel that way because you’re Life around you is falling apart. Sorry for that. I’ve had it as Bad also, my kids and I left an abusive ex husband, we were homeless for several weeks. He moved in with his girlfriend, I did Not beg him just moved on, you can too
I am so sorry to hear that your husband is leaving. But you will be better off without him. You will find happiness again you must stay positive. I have lived on my own for a very long time and you can enjoy life being single. Much love. Xx
I am utterly alone in the world. No family. No friends. No one to touch, to hold, to cry with. The internet is not a substitute for a human voice, a human presence.
You have to stop dwelling on that jerk I have been through that twice ! But it all went to hell after I had there child! I made myself so sick and both my girls call the wives Mom what a kick in the gut! I made mistakes but my younger daughter acts like I'm the devil and she's not sure if she wants to communicate with me anymore ! She's 16 give me a break.I get depressed but I am more full of anger than anything.My parents did everything for me and my 2 husbands and my dad has cancer and if my youngest does not see him and when he passes I don't want her and his funeral .I feared being alone now I don't mind anymore I feel more at peace now. Women are strong you can get through this.🌻
I am so sorry for all you have been through. You have earned your anger and depression. "The valley of the shadow of death..." I am so glad for the peace you have also earned.
I thought I was strong when I was younger. Perhaps I deceived myself - life has stripped so much from me. Alone, alone, all alone. I have no one. When the quarantine is over, I will have sales clerks at stores, librarians.
Humans are not meant to be always isolated. I don't know in what way I was born/ made defective to be without family, without friends. I do know it evokes pity and avoidance (stay away from the leper) in others. I did not ask to be the green monkey. I do pity myself. Who do I have to be angry at? Me.
I’ve been where you are with a cheating husband who had other dark secrets that destroyed my trust in him. I kicked him out 5 years ago in June. Today would have been our 21st anniversary. I missed him, grieved, almost let him back in, but I stood my ground. It took awhile but the pain of loss got better. I realized I made the decision to kick him out. He shattered my trust and it broke my heart.
I also have physical pain from fibromyalgia, diabetes, nerve damage in my ankles and feet, depression and anxiety, and countless other pains. I take medication with the hope that I get some relief. It doesn’t relieve all of it and I’m currently hurting though I would normally be sleeping. My night meds should have kept me asleep for another 6 hours.
If he’s still living with you, make him move in with her now. You don’t deserve the way he treats you. You don’t need the constant reminder that he doesn’t care. Take time to grieve the loss. Cry when you need it. Scream out the pain (preferably where your neighbors won’t hear you). I prefer to drive around and scream.
Show yourself some love and fight for your freedom from him. See a doctor who will listen. My family doctor has helped more than any specialist ever did. Hang in there and look in your heart to see what you want from life alone and don’t be afraid to reach out here for support.
He moved to a motel months ago, but came here daily to make dinner for me, and to help me get around.
He let me believe he was coming back until I found a note I wasn't meant to see "Make sure Ann is provider for in case I die." Ann? I am not provided for in case he dies.
He stays married to me so I have access to health insurance. He has enough love in his heart to come and make me dinner.
But he has reached the end. He shouts recriminations at me for a lifetime of mistakes and hurt. We have hurt each other.
He moves on. I don't know how to be alone, truly alone, four walls and a clock. Tick... tick... tick. Not "My husband is gone". My sole human contact in the world is gone.
And I am crippled, in pain, terrified, and hopeless.
If I get you, and this is you, I thank you for sharing and making me smile.
I don't have strength left. And I hate confessing, and being heard (read), how truly pathetic a creature I have become. I feel I earn pity and revulsion. The alcoholic on the street you hustle past - "Don't let him touch you -- wash your hands"
I'm going to get tougher with you, because don't expect getting over it to be easy, except I can tell you now, years later that the relationship ending (in my case) was actually the best thing that could have happened, I took the money ( my share) from the relationship, started a business ( because I felt I had nothing to lose)
Love it, and would never go back to what I had,
Don't feel shamed at all posting on here, nobody knows you,
But please share your experiences and help others, when you're ready anyway.
I know those inner dialogues very well. It's very hard to turn them off. My medication does help. I would suggest you go to a psychiatrist. It doesn't sound like a therapist can help you at this point. You may need to be hospitalized in order to get better. I also suggest you go to primary care doctor and get referral for pain management. You are not going to feel better for a long time. It will take the right diagnosis, medication and therapy. You need more than someone to cook for you. If you haven't already gotten disability you need to start the process. I'm sorry. There is no quick fix for you. You need immediate medical attention.
I'm so sorry for your pain. I wish I could reach into cyber space and give you a big hug. You are not alone! Would you consider admitting yourself into some sort of treatment program? That way you can go away for a bit and focus on you and getting well with professionals to help you. They could help you find meds that will help your mind and body. I did so for 6 weeks in 2001 and would love to go back. There is always someone to talk to, planned social/therapeutic activities and just a time to get on a better path to healing. Then your 'husband' won't have to come check on you, you can be away from him and begin your healing! You can do this- you are stronger than you know!
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Too much too fast!
Talking too much about anxiety and other issues?
Too much right now
How to not rely too much on loved ones?
