Some times it is too much

[UkyoCoanccy]

There have been a few times when I feel back like my old me. The person who was strong enough to get through everything. The person who always look for something that gives me hope to continue defeating all my obstacles. Those few lapses of good time does not last so much. My depression just gains strength and keeps coming back. I watch everything around me and it is a huge mess. I barely can handle my own life. Almost everything seems pointless.

When I see how much I need to fix just to be a normal person again, I feel worse than stupid. I know what I have to do but I don't feel it.

I cry suddenly just by thinking in all of this, but my head and chest start to ache bad. I would like to feel that sense of relief after a good cry but I can't even do that, because I start to feel physically bad, so I rest a bit to feel better because it seems like I am going to faint or something else.

[Swilly97]

Oh geez I'm so sorry that you're having a hard time. I understand. I'm there too. It feels defeating but you'll get there if you put the work in. And, if needed, you can take it just one thing at a time. Slowly. One moment at a time. You don't need to take it on all at once. I hope I'm making sense. It's what I do. Take a deep breath.

[UkyoCoanccy in reply to Swilly97]

It does sense but I feel frustrated because that it is too slow in order to take my life back again. And when I think that I am doing good with those little steps, then I get stuck and every little good thing that I gained disappears, so I have to start again. That what makes me loose hope too. But I get it. I know that what you said it is true.

[Swilly97 in reply to UkyoCoanccy]

Oh I so understand. It's maddening. You'll get there. Give yourself some grace.

[Trainchaser]

The journey with mental illness is a struggle and sometimes you go backwards but that is normal. It's frustrating but we need to move forward. Hold on to those better times they will come again. Take it one hour at a time if you need to. You are a good person and wish you the best

[UkyoCoanccy in reply to Trainchaser]

🥲 thank you