Feeling Hopeless

[samack]

I thought I was on the right road, but all is lost. Nothing I've tried has come to fruition. I have to settle on the fact that I have an illness that never leaves me. I can't be around "mainstream" people with their daily lives, as I have nothing to contribute. I need people who are struggling or have struggled in order to feel comfortable. That's a fact. I'm too old to get a job (I've tried over and over again) and among other factors, age gets in the way. I'm tired of life. Please tell me if you've overcome long odds of getting better. I need to have some hope.

[Roxylox]

Have you tried in person support groups? I have found some helpful in the past.

[samack in reply to Roxylox]

I cant find one except online. I am thinking of starting a peer support group. But yes, this is what I need.

[Hidden]

I'm same as you, I've tried loads of things but always made a mess of them but there are thousands of other things to try, I do things now for enjoyment, not to accomplish anything. If they fail then it's not much of a loss.

I'll keep on going and I'll keep trying new things.

[samack in reply to Hidden]

We'll walk on. I cant find interests due to isolation. I need to be around life to get stimulated.

[samack]

Thank you. I don't deny my chronic illness, but don't want to confine myself to that identity. I need money, so I need to work somehow.

[samack in reply to samack]

The above is for Snowdaze

[hypercat54]

Why do you have nothing to contribute? We are all unique after all so you have that to share with others.

Everyone has struggled especially when they have got some years on them. If you put more effort in knowing them better you would find that out. It doesn't have to be the same one as yours but struggling is struggling regardless.

Instead of worrying too much what others are thinking of you try concentrating on them instead and ensuring that conversing with you is a pleasant experience for them. That way they will come back time and again, and that is how you make good friends. It takes time and patience though, so don't give up.

[samack in reply to hypercat54]

I've spent a lifetime concentrating on other people. Being an active listener is the air I breathe. That isn't the problem. I've been in this deepest depression for 5 years now and have not lived for as long. So what do I have to say? A one sided conversation makes me boring. People are talking primarily about their jobs, friends, activities, vacations. Its painful and I'm at a loss.

[hypercat54 in reply to samack]

Most of my friends have grandchildren and talk about that and also things like cooking and knitting, none of which I have any interest in whatsoever. So I just listen.

However they also talk about mutual friends and acquaintances, what was on telly, the cost of living, and general day to day in my local area. They tell funny stories of things they have done ie putting their purse in the fridge, chasing a bat out of their home and so on.

You can strike up conversations of any type you like so why not do that? You are not just a passive listener but an active participitant.

[MaggieSylvie]

Hi samack, I may be wrong but I think you posted something really positive recently. So since then, you've been reminded that you don't do well in a group situation. You are better off one-to-one, and there are many people, myself included, who can identify with that. It has little to do with any condition you may have, so get comfortable with it. You went to a meeting and someone said to you that you had been absent(?) for a while. Well - you were missed! Did you ever think about that? That lady might be just the person you need to seek out. Just a thought. Another thought is that sometimes people in groups like to dramatise their stories, some love to be the centre of attraction, too. You don't have to be like them to be accepted. A great opportunity to watch human behaviour!

Another thought I've been having is (strange but you could adapt it) - join a pottery class. If you don't have any experience, it will be a great opportunity to talk about the techniques - something outside yourself - so remember not to put yourself down. I've never been to a pottery class except at school, so I don't know why that came to me, but if that idea doesn't suit you, something similar may be on offer somewhere you can get to. Good luck.😊

[samack in reply to MaggieSylvie]

If you look at my response to Hypercat you will see my response. Taking a class is a good idea. And yes being in a group unfortunately is overwhelming.

[MaggieSylvie]

Something like a pottery class would not involve a lot of interaction or even a lot of members, since it would be limited by the number of wheels available. And if you are learning a new skill, you'd not be helping yourself by chatting to someone. You know all this. If you've been in the deepest depression for five years and not lived that long, you know that by coming here, you have taken maybe the first step (I say maybe because perhaps this isn't the first step) to step out of the depression and back to the world. If something like I've suggested is too overwhelming, a visit to your nearest railway station, when it's not at its busiest, would be a good place to go and sit as if you were waiting for a train. Just to soak up the feeling of being out of Lockdown, out of not living and back in the world of people living out their lives.