I understand how you feel. People do get busy and continue to move forward with there lives.
I think it depends on how much you know this person and what your history is. In my case I was ignored off and on through out my life by my family. I would reach out and get no response. I had to look at this situation based on facts and history. A dysfunctional family acts that way. So with time the hurt wore off and acceptance settled in.
If these people are you friends and it goes unexplained I image that would be more difficult to deal with.
Thank you for your replyI think acceptance is very difficult to do sometimes but it’s very important for our own well-being to accept things.
I do believe that things happen for a reason to bring us to where we need to be.
Not ever sure of the reason.
I feel if people just told me straight if they do or don’t want my attention it would be easier. And if they don’t please say why. Then at least I would know what it is about me, but people don’t tell me. I would rather them say your boring or hard work ect
Keep in mind it's not about you. It's about them. If your friendship was important they would find the time for you. It's always our " go to".... something is wrong with us. I think eventually we reach a point where we've had enough.
My partner ignores me most of the time. As I am on my laptop most of the time, in effect, I'm ignoring him. It takes an outing to get us to talk much but that doesn't happen without a judgement of my driving, accompanied by at least an hour of puffing and blowing and eye rolling. I am perhaps learning how to be like him in forgetting it all the next morning. It's hard to hold a grudge when you have to say "Good morning".
I think about it all the time, but I'm not constantly feeling that I dislike him. I'm just disappointed in the way he never considers me. It would seem that blindness allows manners to fly out of the window. We share a house that is paid for (a little one) and factoring both our ages would make splitting up a huge upheaval. It may one day be forced on us. I think you are a lot younger, and should consider very carefully what you actually want and need from life while you have time. I had no thought of it when we were younger because we were mostly happy a d not suffering the effects of aging.
Yes, I used to teach during the day and also at home, take part in concerts - many hours away from home, and I would have coffee or lunch with friends now and again. Covid and the injuries to my back (caused by his negligence and uncaring attitude)have stopped me playing. I did play in a concert at the end of May but it was not supposed to be a very demanding concert. Then I met up with a (male) friend afterwards.
In the past my partner would often come to concerts but I would be about to start a concert as leader, and I would have to rush to the opposite end of a crowded hall to deal with him having a hypo which was caused by his not keeping his blood sugar up. You can imagine, it was embarrassing and entirely avoidable.
I have had relationships in the past where the other person just got on my nerves most of the time, and I was constantly finding fault. When you have that feeling, I don't think there is much of a way to rescue the relationship, although years later you can be good friends.
Most of my solo activities revolve around the home at the moment - mentoring ex-offenders (on the phone), replying to emails (on the laptop), doing chores, and then there are visits to clinics etc. for myself and for him. It is as well these visits are not too far to drive, but the whole day is taken up because he wants to do other things as well and takes for ever doing them. It is at such times that I tend to read my Kindle, which is full of books.
I have social anxiety, too, but it is more of the "intruder" type where I'm afraid people won't want to spend time talking with me. I suppose I would hide behind the violin and now, more often, writing. It's funny, when I was a teenager I used to sketch, paint and to crochet when no-one my age did that; now, it is very fashionable and I have little interest, partly because it will probably be expensive and will take time away from my laptop(!) I have thought of taking up recorder playing with the aim of joining a group, but I think it would take me too long to reach the required skill level, given that I am in the winter of my life. I have written a short guide to conducting and should be finishing the editing and getting it published but it no longer excites me. I really want to write more but I'm just not doing it! It could lead to some lovely social occasions. There, I've said it!
I agree it can be annoying and potentially upsetting not to get a reply but like Dolphin says see it in context - some friends are very slow at getting back to me but I understand that is their way.Usually the genuine people who have forgotten to reply apologise for the delay.
I usually initiate get togethers with friends - I try not to dwell on this and just get on with arranging stuff otherwise it's unlikely to happen.
I was the ignored and invisible one growing up too, so I understand how easy it is shift to that default position in this sort of situation.
Im sorry you went through the same thing I did growing up. It does set a precedent for how we perceive things through out our lives. It took me lots of therapy to look at it differently and I still falter and think it's me.
Thank you Dolphin, that's kind of you.Yes it's so easy to go back to those childhood feelings - I've had a few moments when I've been missed off lists at work for example, or got paid late - immediately I get anxious.....but manage to calm myself down and think logically that it was a mistake. I cannot afford to think it was my fault , it's happened so many times though that my husband gets cross on my behalf and chivvies me along to get it sorted.
Recent example was having to wait 6 weeks late for my state pension, usually paid well in advance. I phoned 3x saying "I hope I haven't got lost in the system"..........that's how it feels!
The office I work for has birthday lunches for everyone. I was forgotten for three years. No one even thought to ask if I had a birthday. I took that one to heart. Year 4 they realized I did have a birthday. Damage was done, too late
So happy you got your check. Not right to have to wait so long
I understand.Hubby has often suggested I don't talk about myself enough in company.
Some people you'd never forget when their birthday is because they'd make a huge song and dance about it. I've never been like that, trying not to draw attention to myself and blend into the background which is my comfort zone - but that's probably been the problem.
Recently my husband's friend came to stay overnight, it was nice to see him again but not ONCE did he ask me about myself. The chit chat went on nicely and even got to talking about his neighbour's dogs!!!
My brain at some point got stubborn and I thought is he ever going to ask me anything, so I just waited. Nothing!
Like you I burst into tears when he left feeling really bad about myself.
You got that right, the people in my office start talking about their birthdays about a month in advance. It drives me crazy. They want so much attention it's mind boggling.
I know those people. I have them in my life. It's like we aren't even present in the room.
It does hurt and I'm sorry this happened to you. It hits an old wound, opens it up and our emotions revert backwards.
I'm sorry you experienced the same thing Dolphin - as you have said before our backgrounds are quite similar.At times I feel I'm experiencing it all over again though with my adult 'kids' and baby. By this I mean not in the way they treat us but in the support which we give them which was never ever shown me or my scapegoat brother - it's very painful at times but at least I can talk to him about it.
"how much power we give those old messages"Very true!
Thank you, that's a good way of looking at it.
Gosh, do I understand how you feel -- more than anything. It is awful to feel ignored. I am so very sorry you feel ignored. How do you not get upset about this? I like to do CBT. Look for alternative ways of thinking about it. Are they busy? Are they thinking about how to respond? Look for the evidence. You asked if they were ignoring you and they said no. There is your evidence.
I'm in a situation at the moment where my husband was recently brushed aside by someone. I am livid. I'm trying to calmly find out what happened, all the while having a feeling deep in my gut that there are evil intentions to this (very long story that I won't go into). Gut feelings are important to heed.
One thing that is keeping me going is to remember that, if I am to stay calm on the outside and not blow up, others will notice that and think to themselves, "wow! Now that's a strong person!"
Smiles...this happens to almost all humans one time or the other. To supplement what Dolphin14 has said, please I think when the history of the relationship has been objectively studied and the inception of the ignore and its context carefully examined, there should be an answer. It will be clear, to whatever degree, if there was an unsettled issue, or fight, the person (s) is getting more commitment, or, it is an outright ignore and snubbing.
Once this is settled in our minds. It will be wise to test further by trying intentionally without asking: "are you ignoring me", to make a move to get the other person's attention. After a series of attempts and nothing changed. The final attempt would be an unambiguous question to find out from the person if they are ignoring you. If it fails to produce something meaningful, I would suggest you mind your business and let him or her to themselves.
It is a crime against humanity to ignore or snub intentionally. We are all created by God, and Jesus died for all equally, therefore to slight another person through the act of ignoring, is a serious offense.
And, I believe if the person loves and care about you, they will find time for you.
Please bear yourself as one that has all the people in your life that you need and it will use a power that will permeate wherever you.
I have personally allowed people who acted that way to me to go. I don't even want them back in life. They are not my Creator so why should they act too important when we are all equally important?
Please don't excuse such behaviour or else you will suffer terribly. Turn the table around by minding your business.
It is not easy my dear, but with time, it will become easy and sweet. Thanks for sharing😊
I think I may have to stay away from them ignoring me and accept they don’t want my friendship if I don’t hear from them.I will not know the anwser as to why they don’t , which is hard because I don’t know what to work on then? But to accept what will be will be x
Kudos to you for having the courage to initiate conversation with others first. I can understand the hurt if they don’t respond, try to tell yourself “their loss”.If I have even a slight feeling that someone doesn’t want to talk to me I’m out. I would reach out in the past and started feeling like I was the only one initiating so I stopped and no one reached out to me, it was devastating. It has left me skeptical of everyone, something I’m trying very hard to overcome like trying to initiate conversation again. Not easy
I feel I need to get out, and have before and I taken their excuses only to be ignored again . Then I feel stupid like I should not of believed their reason.But then I think but life happens and people don’t always reply ect so am I over reacting / over thinking. Which I do a lot!
I too am an over thinker. I analyze every conversation I have with my family. “ I wish I would have said this instead of that”. “How can I explain better what I meant about what I said, etc, etc.”. I ruminate into insomnia. I also self sabotage.. I wish I could give you advice but all I can do is empathize with you. 💛
When you think of it, we're all alone; we are born alone and we die alone, and we all get upset when things don't go the way we hope/expect. Just be there with your upset and try to figure out what that upset is all about. What part of your personality is hurt by it? I have a tendency to let things get to me but I had an interesting experience the other day when I was at a supermarket check out. A woman came in behind me with two young boys and only an armful of items. As I had a trolley full, I offered her to go ahead of me. She seemed flustered and may have been talking to her boys in a different language and hadn't "switched her brain" to English. I just caught myself thinking "is she going to say thank you"? and the usual feelings were just beginning to bubble up. For some reason, her armful of items took longer to put through the till, and I thought "Keep the bubbles down". The woman wasn't in a hurry, and had been speaking English but she didn't appear to remember those two words - thank you - the first words we learn in any language. Anyway, long story short, I kept an eye on those bubbling feelings of outrage, and thought that we can't know what is happening in the mind of someone else. I'm happy to say that I kept control, though it clearly hasn't entirely gone, or I wouldn't be writing about it.
You are outraged that you have been ignored. You've written that the ignorer may have their own reasons for it, and may not even recognise that they are ignoring you. I would just "be alone" and do your own thing until they wake up. Discuss it with them or not, as you please but don't wait for others to make you happy. Only you can do that.
We do need them. As the saying goes, no man is an island. It's common here to let someone in if we can. I've been let in a few times. She did seem not to know what to do, but for her few items she was there for longer than I expected. Staying calm is a work in progress. In fact it was my first success, if you can call it that. You could say that I needed her to practise on.
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