I am am a single woman who lives alone. I have two grown up children and a few friends who all live at a distance.
I had an abusive childhood and my mother used to scream in my face how much she hated me and that I nobody liked me and that I was fat ugly and hateful. I tried to kill myself when I was 13 and was sent away to a school for emotionally damaged children. I managed for a few years to lead a normal life by getting married and having babies. I buried my past and when my marriage failed it all came back and I had a huge breakdown. I was sectioned and to cut a long story short have been on medication ever since.
I have built a lovely home and a career and my children are well educated and stable adults. The problem is I cannot get over the feelings of self loathing and feel others validate these feelings by ignoring me or dismissing my worries. An example is that I am always an after thought with all my friends and no one ever calls me it’s always me that has to make the effort. If I tell my children I don’t feel well they just don’t want to know and I am rarely I’ll or complain. I try to be a good friend and mother but I really don’t like myself very much and sadly neither do other people.
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wendywoo66
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I understand the self-loathing that goes hand-in-hand with anxiety and/or depression. The feeling of never being good enough can be overwhelming. Hopefully this site offers you some comfort and support. Furthermore, I hope you start feeling a bit better soon!
You are amazing! Seriously. You broke the abuse pattern and did not let your children suffer the way you have been suffering. You are successful in so many areas of life.
I find it difficult to love myself, accept myself too. I also have some long distance friends but the one friend that I actually hang out with I realize verbally /emotionally abuses me and I just always took it but I hope to stop that.
I’ve heard using affirmations but they haven’t really worked so well for me but I’m determined to keep trying. I hope you will too.
Hello Wendy,what you have described the self-loathing and dislike of yourself,and all the negative remarks stem from your childhood and your relationship with your mother. You must try and learn to like yourself more as difficult as it seems;just imagine yourself at 5yrs would you leave that child to fend for itself ,no Im sure you wouldn't,try to nurture and begin to love and care for yourself,when we feel unworthy others pick up on it and just treat you accordingly!Whatever shape or size you are make up your mind to tell yourself ,that you are a good person and worthwhile .your family need you,look online LouiseHay has a whole series of self-help bks easy to read .I f you need any support ,Im in Ukorjust refer to this group.Dont allow distorted thinking ruin your life-Im a lot older and have worked at keeping myself together for a lifetime,so there's hope believe me!
Thank you so much. I have tried to break the cycle of others treating me in an inferior way but sadly this is the one area of my life that’s I struggle with. I will read the books 😊
Its understandable that you feel like that try not to beat yourself up about it.You should feel proud that you have a well-adjusted family who love you as well as a steady job ,your more capable than you think,and the bks all describe how to Treat yourself by loving and caring ,people are so ready to criticise not so ready to praise!
Hi I get where you are coming from. I don't know your age but I am in my 60's and often feel invisible and unwanted. I too had a mother similar to yours and even to this day I struggle with self image. I have had times where it's been mainly me who has kept in touch with friends, but thankfully I have friends now who mainly aren't like that.
What has helped me is discovering something called 'Childhood Emotional Neglect' which is self explanatory. Have a look at the link.
Amazing book thank you so much I’ve could relate to everything she was saying. The biggest revelation for me is that she says we must judge ourselves on our actions and not our thoughts. This has made me realise that I am truly a lovely person because I always do everything I can to help others. I sincerely doubted this because I often have unpleasant thoughts about people. For example if I see someone who is not very pretty I will think to myself jeez poor woman. I would never be unkind though and so I can now stop thinking what a horrible person I am! Thank you for this book it is life changing 😊
You have responsible adult children and have a beautiful home. You are a rock star. You did all that and more despite your tragic childhood. You deserve recognition for being you. You are a strong woman. You did not deserve any of the spirit killing treatments you received. I am sorry you had to experience such abuse.
One of the things I have used to shut down my demeaning thoughts is to practice catching my self talk. When I recognize I am dredging up all the stupid things I did in my past, things I may have said that were dumb and shame inducing thoughts I say, "There you go again saying hurtful things to yourself. You are becoming your own abuser. So stop!" It seems to work for me, sometimes.
I also live alone and my friends, the few that are left and alive, are miles away from me. My Covid life is no different than it was before. My situation can't changed right now but I do have plans that will alter it. I just hope I have the years left to accomplish it. I am almost 77 with many health problems.
I am seeing a pattern emerging that many of us who were abused as children all live alone and all of our friends live some distance away. I would dearly love to overcome my relationship issues and will never give up hope 😊
As others said you have done extremely well not to pass the patterns of abuse on to your kids...were you aware of how your mother affected you when you had kids? It's great that you have brought them up so well in spite of your difficulties.
And yes I understand all too well as I was brought up to be the invisible/lost child and felt very lonely and unloved. Even now with husband and 2 grown up children I can still often feel this way....I find it triggering to ask for help or attention and would rather do without. The trouble is it becomes a self defeating viscous circle
. I ask for little and get less. It's extremely hard to change the habits of a lifetime. It sounds like you're very self aware so keep at it (easier said than done I know). You're not alone with this.
Yes I’ve always know how badly damaged I am. I was desperate to have my own children to love and enjoyed being a mum so much. I worry if my girls have been affected by my mental health issues as we went through some very dark times. One thing I do know is that they know they are and always have been my whole world 😊
You sound a wonderful mum! That was always my wish too, to have kids and to love them, I also worry that I've damaged them somehow but it's my biggest joy that they want me in their lives!
Knowing what it's like to be a loving mum then you'll be aware then that children aren't born damaged but suffer damage done to them....in the same way that happened to you, not that you ARE damaged. I find understanding this takes away some of the blame I heap on myself.
I have found the Book Running on Empty by Dr Jonice Webb to be very helpful. I grew up with two emotionally disconnected parents. They neither validated or abused they simply were not there emotionally so I know how you feel. I was forever trying to do something to find out if I was good enough to be loved or to give love. You have made the best of a bad situation and have raised well adjusted children. Give yourself a pat on the back! You deserve it! Do what you can to keep busy it will help. It’s a difficult time right now for everyone. Being cooped up will end just hang in there.
Hi- I have a sister who was diagnosed with anxiety and she also experienced the same feeling of not being good enough. She used to be confident but when she’s going through anxiety she felt that she’s not good at anything. She fought a hard battle of anxiety because she refused treatments. Me and my other sisters prayed and encouraged her. It was heartbreaking to see my sister going through that journey. Her support group is a big help. Now her mood is improving and her confidence is slowly coming back.
I hope you will find comfort here in the forum. You may be going through a tough time right now but I hope you will stay strong. I saw my sister’s battle and I can say that no matter how hard the situation is, it will get better by God’s grace. Praying for you that you will be surrounded with God’s peace. Please keep us posted. God bless.
Thank you for your kind words. I feel so much better already just receiving a few kind words and knowing I am not alone
It's hard being depressed and then having the realization that other people get to live their lives, when you feel so stinking bad. I'm sure it's not intended to make you feel that way, maybe it is but I try to think people aren't that cold hearted. They just maybe get wrapped up in the day to day. And I'm sure there is at least one person in this world that would never forget you. Somewhere along the lines you had to have met someone and made such an impact that they would never forget you. And if people don't like you screw them!!! You were put on this earth and have just as much right to be here as them. So if they don't like you, I'd laugh. Because who the hell are they? You do you, and if other people don't like it, they can kick rocks. They aren't God and they aren't someone who obviously knows you. Everyone is lovable when people actually invest the freaking time to get to know them, and their journey, and why they are they way they are. Don't let those people get you down.
Wendywoo,so sorry to hear how bad you feel about yourself and others who should care dont seem to want to know.Let me say that you derserve happiness and get rid of those feelings of unworthiness...we all have to feel compassionate about ourselves--forgive yourself as well as others ,;just learn to care and to like yourself more ,its absolutely crucial ,so that you begin to heal and feel an inner peace,a peace that no money can buywe all need to be shown love and respect,but we must also care about ourselves.....if your hurting inwardly forgive them who cannot show ,but most of all be loving for yourself....
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Here is how I feel all the time. Here is me!
I FEEL NORMAL AND ALIVE AGAIN
Anxiety and Panic attacks and Depression are ruining my life 
Feeling Frustrated
i wish i was dead tbh
