Consistently ignored in group conversations

[Rose23456]

Whenever i pipe up to add something to the group convo it is usually ignored and its like i never said anything. It causes me to feel unliked and separate from the group. For example, my friends took me out for my birthday to a restaurant and they were all talking to each other and when i added something or asked something, it went ignored. sometimes people will respond to my statement/question a minute later. This shows that they hear it, they just dont respond right away. Or sometimes i would be saying something and someone else cuts me off and talks about something else. Also, in group conversations people dont make eye contact with me while they speak, like they do with others. I feel so invisible and unliked. It makes going to social gatherings draining and i usually feel pained when i come home. The thing is is that it happens everywhere like with cousins and different group of friends, so it has to do something with my way of talking. I think i speak loud (i often try to) however i still get ignored. Anyone else struggled with this? Any advice?

[Mrspjsmom]

I often feel that way too. Now I set my expectations very low. Sometimes I barely speak at all. I wonder at times if my friends and family do it because they know I have anxiety and depression and don't want to hear about it.

[Rose23456 in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Thanks for your reply! Also, sorry to hear that. It must be difficult not to talk when you have something to say. What you say has the same importance as other peoples words. I doubt that it has to do with your anxiety and deppression that people dont want to talk to you, unless you talk about your anxiety and depression and they would rather talk about something else. In that case, i would recommend finding a therapist to talk about your anxiety and depression so you can talk about other things with your family and friends. Hope it helps!

[garlicbread123]

I'm sorry to hear that. it sucks that they dont let you get involved in the conversation. if you have somebody closest to you in the group, it might be worth asking why they do it and tell them how you feel in a polite manner. if they are really good friends, they should tell you. if they keep hiding something, then time to switch friends. I'm shy person and feel lonely in the group conversation in general and can't get my opinions across easily. this might be a different situation as yours but i know that lonely feeling and i feel like i'm the air.

[Rose23456 in reply to garlicbread123]

Thanks for your reply. Thats a good idea. I wonder if i bring it up with my friends and talk about how i feel ignored what they will say. I guess the only way to know is to try it out. Also, i feel you im shy too and i feel lonely too.

[Isinatra in reply to garlicbread123]

👍🏼Not only in the air, but talking to air.

[Rose23456 in reply to Isinatra]

Lol same here

[Isinatra in reply to Rose23456]

Lol

[propjock]

Start with “I feel” and state your opinion. Their responses will reveal a lot about them.

[Rose23456 in reply to propjock]

Thanks i will try that next time. I think its good for me to relate how i feel instead of keeping it bottled up inside.

[propjock in reply to Rose23456]

Yes it is good to relate how you feel. Sometimes you have to wait for the right person and time.

[blackcat64013]

Hi Rose,

Thanks for the great question 🙂

I can recommend the link below

google.com/search?q=being+h...

Here are seven tips which I have used to help me have more successful conversations:

1. Active listening

2. Use a person's name e.g, hey Mike .....

3. Address a question or statement directly to the person

4. Let the person talk about themselves

5. Make them feel important

6. Emphasize similarities

7. After event, follow up with person who didn't connect with you but only if you feel comfortable

I hope this works for you.

[Rose23456 in reply to blackcat64013]

Thanks so much!

[Rose23456 in reply to Rose23456]

The website you sent is very helpful!

[cocoyellow]

I'm kinda like you and my sister is the whole opposite. She gets all the attention everybody engages with her. I know exactly why and I don't want you to feel like I am saying this to make you feel bad or that is your fault or even that this is what you do. This is me from my own personal experience.

My sister listens listens listens and then she asks very caring open ended questions, people love to talk about themselves and they engage in convo. Where I would ask yes or no questions. My sister is always providing feedback and adding lots of new or helpful info, whereas I just talk about the topic. So whenever someone talks to my sister they leave with more knowledge, whereas after someone talks to me is more of a chat. She is always offering help as far as recommendation, introducing them to someone or a new place etc. I don't know if that makes sense, but at least this is what I notice for myself.

I don't mind because I am an introvert and like to keep to myself. I don't like long conversations and especially with lots of people. But if you are the type of person that wants to engage more with people then I can totally see how it can be frustrating.

[Rose23456 in reply to cocoyellow]

Thanks for the tips! I would like to try them!

[Queeniz]

That’s f**ked up babe I’m listening x

[Roxylox]

Can't advise 'cos it regularly happens to me too. Just totally feel your frustration

[Eklektik]

I am not consistently ignored in group conversation, but often times it's like I can't put a word edgewise, someone else is always "taking the floor" quicker than me. So I tend to prefer one on one conversation. If you are comfortable one on one, maybe you could scale up slowly to 3, 4, 5 more people?

[Opportunity]

You are alone. I have no idea what this feels like. I’m so kidding!! I hope I made you smile with my terrible joke. 😀 I literally had this happen in a group email two days ago. I feel better knowing that YOU are like me and there are others like us out there!!! 👍😀.

After contemplating this for an hour, I think I have an answer but I will test it out on myself first because I don’t know. Basically, I think we are invisible when we are simultaneously (1) inauthentic aka too nice and polite and (2) not looking like we are having a good time. My theory is: Remove one or both of these and you’ll be attended to. I think this is true because that’s who I avoid, and that’s also usually what I’m doing when I’m avoided. It’s just a theory…. So I can’t guarantee results.