had to call an ambulance for my mom at 12 am cause her breathing was terrible. She was wheezing pretty badly. She has asthma and wasn't answering my questions to well. So I made the call. Her oxygen levels were around 87. The paramedics asked her if she wanted to the hospital or do a treatment at home. She opted for the treatment at home.
But the paramedic didn't like how she was still breathing despite the nebulizer treatment. So they took her to the hospital. I could have gone with her but my anxiety is still bad. I feel a sense of shame because I didn't go with her. I guess in some respect I should feel some sort of pride that I held it together . Because I did get frightened and I felt really anxious. I thought I too was going to have a panic attack or an asthma attack. My mom and I both suffer from asthma. But hearse is a lot worse than mine.
It also scared me cuz it made me think that this may be my future someday. And I don't want to be. I don't want to be suffering from diabetes and asthma
It feels me full of dread but this may be a possibility. But I know that this is just anxiety talking. The real test will be when my fiance leaves this morning for work and I'll be here left alone. I'm afraid to be alone. Any support is welcome. I'm not a very religious.person. in fact I'm agnostic. Yeah I know the poor man's atheist or procrastinating atheist. But my mom is a Catholic. So if you're to pray 🙏🏽 for her that is cool. Or send positive,vibes thoughts or light a 🕯️ that's fine with me. I just want.Her to be. Okay
xx
Made a fool of myself
