Family of manipulators. I need a reme... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Family of manipulators. I need a remedy for my soul. It's shattered. 3 days can't stop crying and raging inside, questioning reality. Help

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Not only traumatized me to the point i drive away people that matter to me, but make me suffer and not know what is going on and when i say they're hurting me it begins "so i'm the bad guy, i do so much for you, go to your father/mother. You're so ungrateful. Others your Age have a job. You just do nothing all day. And you point me out to be the monster. You see me as a monster. Go to your step family/the streets and be happier". How to live like that? "Just tell your family". No, i can't. Even my therapist said it. I can't. I freaking can't say "yo, y'all break me, stop manipulating me, stop using me as revenge, stop using me as emotional trash bin, If you want something just ask me instead of manipulating me to do it, deal with yourselves instead of using me and sis as weapons and messangers in this war as If we don't suffer as If we have a fault. And If u make my sister like me, i will kill you. And everyone is telling me the baby has no fault but i swear to everything Holy i will hate it till my bones rot and it's high time for you to accept my feelings instead of calling them drama or crazyness, you damn manipulators. I lost someone important to me because you taught me manipulation and insecurity. And i need them, God i need them, because i'm all alone and losing it. But i guess this is what happens to broken kids. Please stop drinking and making kids. Or i'm calling your parents. Well, they're defending you cause you manipulated them well. Stop saying you love me, i don't believe it. I don't believe it, i think it's a manipulation. I think i don't even know what is going on, i don't know reality, you twisted it. If i had a genie my only wish would be you guys never met and i never existed. I don't want to live because of you. I'm inadequate because of you. My roommates don't invite me anywhere. People think i'm weird. So grateful you ruined my life by giving me life"

The thing now, that i can't stop stressing about since Monday - Mom called, complained sis is feeling unwell because she was with the baby, i lost my mind, thinking they're gonna break her like they broke me. I was crying at the supermarket, i was crying at the bus. I self-harmed. I asked for help and only got "You're inadequate" by my therapist and roommate. It's not that i'm inadequate, it's that my soul is shattered and it has been shattered for so long. And i need a remedy. I need a remedy so bad. I need safety and support. I need sth to calm me. I only distract myself by mindlessly watching tv, reading, walking and gaming until i panic and screw it up. Lost concept of time.

So the story - mom called and complained a lot plus sis is feeling unwell because of dad but made it seem like she's having it under control. I'm worried about their both mental health. I paniced. Then grandpa called and said sis has some real physical illness and i felt so bad that i believed it's mental. And also mom wants to travel to her mom and sis is sick. Always happens. And sis always sacrificing herself. And mom didn't even say it's a real physical illness.

Don't tell me my family needs psychological support because 1 they won't get it, 2 makes me feel worse like my worries about their mental health are True. I need to repair myself. I need to calm myself. I can be misinterpreying it all because of my anxiety. I need calming. I need calming

I will be seeing them on friday to go to Grandma's

I have been taking my meds but i'm just always ready to blow up. So much pain locked inside me. With no remedy. Hell is inside of me

Now, instead of using the 1 hour i have with no family and no roommates, i suffer

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Against_the_current
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15 Replies

take a piece of paper

a pencil

scribble to ur hearts content- get it out

use as much paper as u want

just an option......disregard if u dont want to.....no obligations

we all feel for u

in reply to

sometimes helps me

take a pottoe and turn it into a friend or make giant smily face

like LC great pet rocks....been there

or make stuff animal friends....been there...great listeners ande comforting....

eveyone here puling for u

in reply to

ur the listenr

id main problems -

no one believes ? or listnes?

plans?

problems challenges

hurts? woundes? violatons??

what helps what makes things worse?

in reply to

what works?? what doesnt?

issues?

Against_the_current profile image
Against_the_current in reply to

Thank you so much for being here and giving methoods of coping. I really need methoods of coping. This sounds really cute with the rocks, need to try it. I used to collect rocks. Might try it with the plant as well. I need to find something that works. And you listed my problems really well. I needed it out. Rn i'm having hard time proceeding, my brain feels like spaghetti. Mom called and trying not to end in the ER again 😅. I need to find a way to slow down

in reply to Against_the_current

well - in truth...im sooooooo done accidentally hurting people when i try to help.....i end up .....prob th way i say it wane why i like others to speak first...i feel for u ut comes out all wrong or too bossy.....was ER vet too long.....

its just sharing......ur in a real real e3al scary sitation ande ..ror me....whacky as it sounds

my horses come up and say....hey bill let make a pizza.

what??? i have half a stick of gum and stone colde are u csrazy?

ya man...or what a painting do u think would go here?? or

u have a threes?? or Tens????

what??? oh......ya.....

thats what true true true buddies rescue buddies friends do for us.........cuz some day..the shoe will** be on the oth4 foot......

its NOT judgemental........

ur.......helping...........me.............

bill.....do u know how to speak ukerinians??

no clue......want to teach me i stink at languages....

we alllllllllllllll need that............trust me on that on3 partnner.....

anyhone who has nt been scared is a liar

or never done nothin.....

Seals...get scared....

Against_the_current profile image
Against_the_current in reply to

Agree. I just can't proceed it. Maybe i'm just not native english speaker and i just can't proceed

in reply to Against_the_current

actionn is the last step often blocked...however.....planngand designing is free........and lmitless......think ill design an airplane....ooh cargo plane fulll of supplies...now howto get it to u..and lists of stuff....air distrande..fuel load...hmmm ...better put in lots of cookies....on and on...ooh buil myselr a mental simulator.......mental cockpit.....

what dials do i need....what phases....taxi ...et...

ohh lots of fun and free.....

opera5tion bulgaria berlin airlift 2.....ok....want to be a co plit?

wha5 do we need..

in reply to

keeps us busy while the wolrd falls apart...

will u ck the right engine plse? is it running hot? what should we do.....what our distanece to target and fuel capaciy?

in reply to

same as skit designs or pet rocks or mr and mr potatoe hewad or make mobiles....

LC got me going on pet rocks again....oooh image my own little famly or friends.....a stroy about each...own iittel theatre and advnerure stories.....ooh ohw cool.......even while th world falling apart

in reply to

Lc dolphin and others never give me a hard time i liketo draw or make cupcakes.......tons of fun...someday ill have a kitchen.....planning is freee.....oh what kind of plane or car id like to own or road trip what shoul we pack??

in reply to

they****** get it.......

in reply to

in th POW camps yers aago...pepol allhelped each orther just keep gointg....in the middle of disaster..

so whatkind of pizza?

Against_the_current profile image
Against_the_current in reply to

Cool. I like pepperoni pizza. And planning helps

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