Fear

[Userj29]

18yo christian female , egypt

I have been sexually harrased when i was 12 by someone touching my backside , and since then i wear a packback Everywhere , 6 years later i never felt feminine , having to hide myself everyday , to struggle to reach my university or church , i have tried wearing normal clothes with a small purse , and i have never felt fear like that all my life , most males staring at my body , some commenting , nearly crushing me with a motorcycle , all through a 10 min walk down the street , i started canceling any plans i have of going out except for necessities , because im too afraid to walk , its too traumatic and idk how to deal with it , in this wear , i was walking at 9 AM , fully covered and with a packback and i had to threaten someone to hit them with a steel mug just because he kept walking next to me with his bike and verbally harrasing me over and over

Im so sick of it , i don't want to go outside of the house at all and my parents started questioning me why i stay at home too much while my brother goes out everyday , i can't talk to them cause there's literally nothing they could do to change a whole society , and im not close to them as well , therapy is nonexistent here , i started cancelling everything cause its not worth the trauma of walking down the street , i can't handle the pressure of loneliness either , and i started harming myself ,nothing too serious just hitting myself to convert mental pain to physical one , idk what to do anymore

[Lookingforhope20100]

I wish I knew what to say to make things better but im in the same boat I was sexually assaulted and raped and I'm scared of males I fear they want to hurt me or use me I never go anywhere alone I started to carry a pocket knife with me everywhere I go it makes me feel safe because I don't have the option to stay at home all the time even though I want to so best advice I can give is do whatever you can to feel comfortable

[compasnet]

I'm so sorry for what you've going through, what you've been subjected to, and the trauma you've felt. Noone has the right to humiliate you this way, much less physically harm you. I'm glad you're not putting up with it but taking it out on yourself IMHO isn't the answer either

[Hidden]

Give mankind some trust. Most people are good people, I think. Try some kindness & see what happens. DX the rucksack! Be the woman you want to be! Bless You

[Louie35]

Maybe try online therapy if the 'in person thing' is not available in your part of the world. Try to find some support websites in egypt, find other women who are having a hard time themselves, develop a support group, wish you better days!! Keep trying, it is all we can do!