Looking for feedback on brother

[JP8810]

So I'm looking for feedback regarding an issue I am having with my older brother. As I have mentioned in past posts I am the sole caregiver for my mother who has Alzheimers. I have been doing fundraising with the Alzheimers Association in honor of my mother. I have sent donation info to my brother twice and he has failed to make any donation to my fundraiser. This inaction has really bothered me. My brother has been largely absent in the care for my mom. So my question to you folks is: do I confront my brother about this lack of support?; or should I just let it go knowing that I'll never be able to change my brother. Nor should I have to. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Peace to you all!

[Hb2003]

I think that you should confront your brother because he should care for your mother and not be absent plus it takes a mental toll on you to only take care of your mother … Do what you think is right that is what i would do if a relative or sibling did that to me

[JP8810 in reply to Hb2003]

Thank you!

[Hb2003 in reply to JP8810]

Your welcome 😁

[b1b1b1]

I would mention it to him, but be prepared for no response and no donation. After that I would let it go. You may just have to accept the fact that he is a rather selfish person and you don't want to continue putting yourself in a position that may make you feel worse.

[JP8810 in reply to b1b1b1]

Thank you for the advice.

[Agora1]

Hi JP, you certainly have your plate full in being the sole caregiver for your mother.It's sad but this happens quite often as parents age, the adult children tend to disappear.

But believe me when something happens, they will forget their non attendence and be

first in line with their hand out. I respect you in all you do, it's not an easy job. xx

[JP8810 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. Sad world we live in.

[Arymretep]

Hi, I’d let it go, it’s not worth getting upset , your brother has to live with his conscious , I’ve been where you are being the sole care giver with no help from family , it was such hard work but I’m so glad I did it’s my conscious is clear, well done .

[JP8810 in reply to Arymretep]

Thank you, that is helpful

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I was basically the main caregiver to my father who had Alzheimer’s. My brother, not so much. But in the long run I’m grateful. Because I’ve heard too many stories where all the siblings want to be in charge. And what chaos that causes.

I don’t know if I’d confront my brother. I’d have to look at my motivation and expectations.

You’ll do the right thing regardless. There’s no rule book with this situation.

[JP8810 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thank u for the perspective

[MaggieSylvie]

Do you ever get a break from caring? This is where you should try and rope your brother in to do some caring so that you can get respite. He clearly doesn't have a clue what you do. He doesn't care, so you have to make a specific request. He may have a job that gets in the way but I'm sure he can find some time to visit and make an effort. Getting donations is secondary to this I would think. Good luck.

[JP8810 in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Thanks for your words

[Avidknitter]

You are lovingly caring for your mom during a very difficult time in both your lives. I believe you should just let it go at this point. It’s clear that your brother is having difficulty dealing with your mom’s condition and perhaps even what he knows is the ultimate outcome of such a disease as Alzheimer’s so rather than explaining to you that he can’t deal with it he just ignores it. I have suffered from major depressive disorder, ADHD and anxiety disorder for the last 45-50 years of my life and self harm but my siblings have never tried to understand or really support me and I have finally realized and accepted that I can not depend upon them for any kind of support. I have a wonderful primary care provider, the best therapist I have ever had in the last 50 years and an excellent Psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner who prescribes my medications and with these people helping me I truly think I am now in the best care I could possibly be in. Don’t waste any more of your valuable time and energy on trying to get your brother to be involved, spend it on your mom and yourself because you both deserve better than being ignored. God bless you both.

[JP8810 in reply to Avidknitter]

Thank you for sharing your difficult journey

[kenster1]

hi when our mum was ill our brother done nothing same with our dad never ever visited him or helped out when our dad had cancer even after our dad asking him.he visited once an hour after he died yet he turned his back on us me and my sister.then our aunt had dementia he didn`t show any interest not spoken since about July 18 his choice.sure your brother knows how difficult it is for you but choses different actions to you but you can be forever proud in knowing you done your dearest mother proud.

[Midori]

I would suggest you write to your brother (keep a copy), saying how disappointed you are that he hasn't yet donated to your Fundraiser, and you feel that he could contribute to her care as she is also of his blood. Lay it on thick.

Be prepared for a knock back though.

It's always the willing ones who get the mucky end of the stick.

Cheers, Midori

[JP8810 in reply to Midori]

Thank you!