I’ve wanted to give up every day for so long now. I keep living out of fear

[Emmabobemma]

I’ve been doing CBT and medications for almost a year now, hospitalized twice, and nothing seems to get better for long. I feel so lonely and hopeless and scared. I feel like I’m shouting for help but no one seems to really understand or have answers. I’m searching desperately for a lifeline. I’ve been barely afloat for so long now but some miracle. These feelings are so overwhelming and dark i just want to give up so i don’t have to continue experiencing this cycle of depression

[Willow2022]

Have you tried different therapists? Asked for different meds? Sometimes it takes a little juggling to get the mix correct before it feels a bit manageable. Also, a therapist is, in my mind, a very personal choice. One that works well with me might not work for you. Don’t give up on yourself. You have something to add to this world.

[Emmabobemma in reply to Willow2022]

I think I've just been trying to get better on whatever meds they gave me because I thought that might just be as good as it gets and I didn't want to have to deal with side effects of transitioning meds alongside my regular mental health fluctuations. I have only been working with one therapist, who, although we get along, does a lot more listening and asking questions than proposing solutions and plans when I feel like I need to be a lot more aggressive in my recovery. Also, while I know you mean well, I don't really care whether or not I can contribute something to the world when my depression gets bad. All I care about is getting rid of the suffering. What I'd like to hear is that I have a good chance of feeling better in a lasting way, although no one has been able to tell me that in a way I believe.

Thank you for your kind thoughts

[samack]

Emma , we have been there. I have been there. Its true that it can take awhile to find the med combo that works for you. The CBT is probably less effective when you are not medically stable. Keep reaching out here and you will have a source of support.❤️ as you find your way.

[Emmabobemma in reply to samack]

I appreciate the kind words

[Emmabobemma]

thank you

[Willow2022]

Yes Samack! When I first started CBT I couldn’t concentrate on anything until my meds kicked in. Even now, this second time around I feel the meds are a bit off as I still feel very depressed and anxiety ridden throughout the day. Have to talk to my psychiatrist to figure all that out. Treatment is so different for everyone. Don’t give up!!!