Depression. Anxiety. Stuttering.

[Akanksha_Verma]

My depression came back, a few months back I thought I was a survivor of depression. But it's been a month I feel it again. I feel more depressed and even anxious now. It feels as if there is no purpose left for me. My family, career, studies, literally everything doesn't make any sense to me now. I feel left out, I feel unnoticed, I feel like the child who was made fun of because she stutters, I feel worthless. I want strength to live. I have my exams in 2 weeks and my mental state is devastated. No body understands me and my mental state. I want this suffering to end. I'm very desperate to feel normal. This illness is eating me from the inside. And now I have no strength to fight back. I wanted to become a lawyer, and a pilot, a good daughter, make my parents proud and be a good responsible mother to my 2 year old dog. But I think this is the end of my story. I don't have strength to fight back.

[AMMS8807]

I know exactly how you feel. I’m sorry you are going through this. I want to go to law school but my life has been on hold for 3 years due to being falsely arrested for defending myself. I don’t have anyone to turn to or who understands what I’m going through because it’s hard to find work, the work I do have doesn’t pay well and it’s at random. I’m a mother, I have two dogs, homeless- had to move in with my dad. Feel like I’m at a stand still and in jail because of everything I’m facing right now. I keep telling myself to stay strong but I feel like I can’t. It’s hard. I had a therapist but no longer have insurance. She was truly a big help. I miss talking to her. Besides medication I am on it’s helpful to talk to someone especially from a non biased point of view. Does it make any sense? This is my first post I just made an account which is long over due.

[Midori in reply to AMMS8807]

I often think My depression is cured, and then one day I'll wake up and it's back! Grrr!

I tell it to go do one, and get up and do things anyway.

I'm too old for it all (74), and each day I wake up is a blessing. I cuss it and carry on regardless as I don't have time for it any more!

I'm a survivor of Domestic violence, 15 years of horror, with two small children. In the end, I ran, got help from a woman's refuge, filed for restraining order and divorce. He suicided when he realised I meant it. Left me with PTSD, but I had two kids to bring up, so I faced it down each day and carried on. 31 years ago. Wasn't easy, but I managed, although I also developed Fibromyalgia later.

My kids are now grown and I'm a Grandma.

Cheers, Midori

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Well, I am not sure if anyone can 100% say they are cured from depression. I have fought it for over 30 years. I have my ups and downs. What are you trying? What does your therapist say? I don’t want to assume but is lawyer a career and pilot a hobby? That is a tough field. You will always want to have a pressure release valve. One thing for sure is that members on here understand. You might have to teach the people around you more about what you like and need in life. Be kind but direct. “I messages” sound like a great fit for this. Have you learned to meditate? It might take some of the pressure off so you can focus.

[Vangirl99]

First, you must have some strength left as you posted asking for help.

Now, I suffer from depression and am a survivor of it every day I spend on this planet. Some are hard and some are near impossible but I think that is true of almost anyone else alive.

You have some lofty goals and I would guess the stress of finals in only adding to how you currently feel. You need to build a long term support system and if family is an option you are so much luckier than some.

The way you ended your post suggests you should go to the hospital as it sounds like you may be a risk to yourself? I take phrases like this very seriously and if you can't do it for your self, do it for your fur babies.

The key to Living with depression is understanding you feel the way you do because of a treatable illness, getting the right medical help and building the support system. Next you focus on living. That focus is different for each of us. Some it is about family, other it is about pets or jobs... For me it is about helping people. I find value in my life each time I hold the door for someone, stop to help jump start a stranded driver or even just share a smile with a stranger.

Find your value, not your career but what makes you feel of value now in the present. We all have something. I have been told my value needs to be in myself but helping others works for me. Talk to your doctors, get a doctor, do what you need to and Live with your depression while you are getting treatment.

Wish you the best but please seek out someone in person that can offer you the professional help you need.

We will be here for you now and in the future.

[Potter123]

I'm sorry you're hurting, but know you're not alone.