anyone else feel like this?

[Dogmom8]

recently I’ve been feeling like so uneasy. I feel like I’m not real but also that I don’t have any feelings and I feel like I’m fake and I’m just existing. I feel like something’s wrong or off even though nothing is and I feel lonely crazy and uneasy. I’m not sure what this feeling is but I feel uncomfortable and scared kinda does anyone have any tips?

[Agora1]

Dogmom8, you may very well be experiencing PTSD due to all that happened to you

at a young age. Now that you found a boyfriend that you feel loves you and cares about

you, it might be time to open up to him about your past 5 years.

He might not understand what you are struggling with right now because he doesn't

know the back story of your life. If you truly trust him, it would be best for both of you

to be honest and open with each other. If you lose him, then he wasn't who you thought

he was. We can't carry secret luggage with us in a relationship. I wish you well in whatever

you decide. Of course it is your decision alone xx

[Dogmom8 in reply to Agora1]

thank you I appreciate that!

[MayDay3 in reply to Agora1]

When I met my husband, I was very open and honest about all my issues even before we were exclusive. He said he understands. He was very sweet and supportive and just a model partner.

We lived together more than 2 years before getting engaged and I used to feel like the luckiest person alive.

He kept his bad side hidden the whole time. Then within months of us getting married he started calling me an idiot or calling me incompetent.

Said my job didn't count because I was working remotely which means I should have time during my shift to do housework.

He started complaining I am bad at cleaning etc. He knew I used to hire cleaners regularly and that I was bad at cleaning while we lived together before marriage bur it didn't bother him. He said he'd clean and that we don't need the cleaners. Then he started getting mad at me for not contributing enough in chores and saying I treat him like a servant. But I was doing my share of the chores. We had split the chores while we were living together. I did the dishes, laundry and dusting around the place and he was supposed to take care of recycling/trash and cleaning the bathrooms. We both did groceries and cooking. Which I think was a fair distribution that we both agreed on. Initially when I reminded him of this he would back off but lately he keeps complaining that I don't do enough. He is being verbally very abusive and even called me a useless lump. He even tried to use my openness of my mental health issues against me and says I should not be allowed to have a credit card or make any decisions. He has broken every single promise he ever made to me.

The reason I am sharing all this is, I hope you can learn from my mistakes.

Don't trust someone so easily people are nasty and will take advantage.

Make sure you know who they are before you trust them. You'll be surprised how long someone can fake being a good person. I knew my husband 3 years before we got married and we lived together more than 2 years and spent all our time together but he kept his true self hidden very well. Had he been himself I never would have married him.

He now makes unilateral decisions about our lives all the time without any thought to my feelings or preferences. I am a remote controlled robot and a bystander in my own life. I have no say in anything big or small. So be very careful when it comes to relationships.

[Agora1 in reply to MayDay3]

MayDay3, I hear you. Unfortunately, it can take time for the true person to exist.

I've seen this happen to my daughter. Although not married, her b/f has taken hold

of her life and is destroying her bit by bit. Anxiety & Depression are now part of her

every day life. I raised her to be her own person and now she has become a frail example

of who she once was.

She doesn't see it, she looks through the eyes of love. She no longer has any self

confidence or self esteem. I talk and talk with her but it's as if she built a wall

around herself. She will not seek professional counseling. Unfortunately there

are many women who find themselves trapped in a abusive relationship. Too afraid

to leave and so afraid in staying.

I appreciate you sharing your story on this forum. May it help the many other going

through the same emotional pain. With Thanks xx

[MayDay3 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks so much! I hope your daughter opens her eyes before it is too late. Fingers crossed.

[Agora1 in reply to MayDay3]

Thank you MayDay) xx

[ACE135 in reply to MayDay3]

I don't know you, but I would think it's not too late for you to get out of your relationship too. Your partner sounds awful and it must feel like you are walking on eggshells living with him. I hope your situation improves really soon. It's really horrible being stuck in a toxic relationship. I was in one, but managed to get out - it's not easy, but so worth it. Take care.

[Dogmom8 in reply to ACE135]

No I wouldn’t say my relationship is toxic I just don’t communicate my feelings and thoughts very well mainly out of fear because my last relationship was awful. My partner is amazing he tries to get me to open up while also still making me feel comfortable and safe he doesn’t push me to talk about anything I don’t want he bring it up at a later date!

[ACE135 in reply to Dogmom8]

My message about the relationship being toxic was for another member. Glad your partner is amazing 🙂

[MayDay3]

I feel the same way a lot of times.