How did I cope ?

Do you ever feel how the hell did you get through life undiagnosed?

[Roxylox]

I do wonder. I spent all my teenage years and into my early 20's suffering bouts of time when I hadn't a word to say, l was closed in.

[AnxiousSilver]

About 20 years ago, I had a HUGE blowout.

I had a full time job. I went to school full time, and I had an Ex-GF that I also consider full time, because she constantly wanted my attention when I wasn't working or in school which was kinda hard to keep up with homework. (and trying to keep up with my friends)

Back then, I had this "Bulletproof mentality" (I was also cocky and sarcastic) that you don't drown in your own sweat, and I could just muscle my way through anything.

The scary part is that my friends and ex-co-workers could see the writing on the wall "for me" lonnnnnng before I had seen (and eventually felt) it. They tried warning me that I was burning the candle hard on both ends, but I ignored them.

"They" could tell that I was "different" from "normal people", but I never seen myself that way.

& Then shortly after I blew out. I lost A LOT of my friends (and even family tree members), because I was now "different and kinda broken". & Then I found out from my parents shortly afterwards how deep mental illness is in my family tree.

I've had my share of ups and downs since 20 years ago. Unfortunately, it's been a lot more down than ups over the last few years.

I really want to end this on a positive note, but I'd would be both fake and lying to you guys, and well it would defeat the purpose on why I am here. (which is looking for help and support)

Unfortunately, a lot of what has worked for me before and after my major breakdown 20 years ago, simply just doesn't work anymore. (and some of that kinda sums up why I have been struggling lately)

[Hidden in reply to AnxiousSilver]

I hope things are better now. Your a survivor you got through hard times your strong in yourself. Keep taking a day at a time and work on yourself to. You deserve that

[AnxiousSilver in reply to Hidden]

I wish things are better now, but sadly they're not.

I've lost track of how many times I've said the phrases "One day at a time" or "Positivity attracts positivity and negativity attracts negativity".

It's hard for people with severe GAD to stay in the present, when they are constantly worrying about the future.

I am trying to do my best lately. Some days my best is enough, and on other days, my best is not nearly enough. and I am physically and mentally a mess.

When you go through "transitions", sometimes things that had worked for me in the past in my "anxiety toolbox" still work for me today, and other times it doesn't, and I realize that I need to learn more. (which goes beyond acceptance and gratitude here)

Then again, you never stop "learning" in life, and I'm trying to be more patient with myself. (but sometimes that too is easier said than done)

Either way, I sincerely appreciate your words of encouragement.

[Hidden]

Just try and appreciate the good days more make time to write them down so on your bad days you can see them it's just a little encouraging for yourself. It can be something small. I am in this process write things down because we can easily forget our good moments so easily