How do you cope with your own insecurities?

[overthinkingalways]

I have one of those sets of parents who are very aware of the things they are eating. My mom is very skinny, and has been pretty skinny for the most part of her life. Because of this, she is very on top of me and what I consume. I am 5'3, 122 pounds and I am constantly told I am overweight. "You can't wear those because they enhance your thighs". "Maybe you can wear it when you loose weight". I am an athlete, I have naturally bigger thighs and I have a round face (which runs in my family). Which I am insecure about because I often think my face looks fat in photos. I breaks my heart when my mom makes me get on the scale in front of her, I am on diet pills, and when she is not around I binge eat because I have been deprived of the things I really want. I understand moderation and eating healthy 80% and the other 20% is more free. But it is awful. My day is consumed by eating healthy and staying away from something as simple as salad dressing because of the calories. I have binged then made myself throw up, and I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is fatness. I don't think I can do it anymore.

[Marato]

I’m really sad to hear what you’re going through.

You are literally perfect and you have one life to eat and live the way you want.

It’s sad even mothers can be so harsh at times.

Whenever my parents were harsh to me, I straight up told them to not say things that hurt my feelings. That’s why I’m so distant with them years later.

I would suggest sit down with your mum and explain to her that her comments and mentality doesn’t help you in anyway.

I’m sure you are perfect weight for your body. X

[hypercat54]

I presume you are at least 18? Are you in a position to leave home or will you be soon?

[Blueruth in reply to hypercat54]

agree. getting out with support.

[overthinkingalways in reply to hypercat54]

yes, I mainly rely on my closest friends for help and for confidence but I do think I need to look for some help outside of that

[Blueruth]

yikes, this is a recipe for an eating disorder. You are not overweight. Can you get to a doctor or therapist and explain all this because I know they will help you in some way. What she is doing is causing you harm. I dare say it is abusive because of the likelihood of developing an eating disorder.

[overthinkingalways in reply to Blueruth]

I can say that I know my mother loves me and she wants the best for me. Sometimes, I just think it is too much. She is partly that way because her parents raised her the exact same way.

[Blueruth in reply to overthinkingalways]

That should make it easier to get help. Thing is binging and throwing up is not a behavior you want to pass down. Once you start down that path it is really hard to get out of it. Some people struggle with it for years. There are lots of families with bad habits that get passed down. Doesn’t make it right. Doesn’t mean you should follow the same footsteps.

[Midori]

Are you working? Do you have any friends who might help you find somewhere else to live?

Your current living situation with a weight obsessive mother is abusive.

If you work, time to break out and find another place. Your Mother's insecurities are hers, so get away if you possibly can and find a therapist to help you with your binge eating.

Why are you on diet pills? Don't measure yourself by your mother's ideas. You are You, not a copy of her, and you need to find your own normals.

Keep going with your sport whatever it may be.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Cheers, Midori

[PurpleOstrich]

No, no, no, no! Even though you posted this months ago and I read while I was waiting in Starbucks line, I literally had to pull over my car to respond. My mother too was/is the nicest(?) person in the world who always wanted the best for me. It’s an insidious type of abuse. I was told I was beautiful, BUT I ruined it by the clothes I wore, not doing my hair right, I stank because of the wrong deodorant, I should just wear a little make up here to cover up thus and so, if I washed my face more I’d have less acne, and yes, I’m getting a little heavy. I stood up to it outwardly, teenage style but inside it gnawed and gnawed and gnawed. I’m 50. She still does it. She’s still nice (?). Ugh. And I had insecurities my whole life. I rebel- I can wear what I want! But then I feel like I’m failing. I do make mistakes as we all do, and it feeds into her message to me. I’m not good enough, unless.... no,no,no. It’s abuse. Whether it has good intentions or not. Don’t give her power or even thought or energy. Even rebelling in my mind and actions by reacting gives her power. I see that now. Diet pills, binging and throwing up are way more harmful to you than any weight you are - which isn’t even heavy! But even if it were, so what? Please don’t give this any energy and embrace your life outside of this environment. Get professional support when you can. And watch out for picking a partner that also seems nice, but you aren’t good enough unless... I did that mistake too, a pattern of being abused. And for the record, I love round faces. They are beautiful. Mine is long and thin and I’ve always been sensitive about it. I had straight hair when everyone’s was curly, Now I’m fine with it all, but grass always seems greener. It isnt. Sending love!!!

[Hidden]

One piece of advice: DO NOT spend your youth hating your body. It's a waste of time. I'm still young, but look back at photos of me from just five years ago where I swore I was a breached beluga whale, and OMG, I WAS SO GOD DAMNED SKINNY. Even now, I'm no where near fat, but I'm like hoo, what I wouldn't give to have that body back, ha! And, as someone also recovering from abusive parents, hang in there. One day, you'll get to govern all your decisions, and your parents' power over you will become obselete.