Maintain crisises? I'm in a crisis. I haven't passed my previous crisis and now a new one. Trying to self soothe. Inner child work.

[Against_the_current]

It's really heavy on me. My dad, mom, sis, half-sibling, Grandma, roommates, my previous anxiety, unable to cope with university and my project, being let down by people i got vulnerable with, not finding good therapy, the stuff that happened in my previous post. I was texting with sis and i got so anxious that she might be traumatized and i paniced and then found out something terrible and i was already in a crisis and then another one. 1am and i'm fighting to handle it. Soothing myself like i'm a Child. It's 1am,i'm crying, feeling so sad, scared, unloved. Lit a candle. Telling myself i'm a good girl and it's okay and i'm figuring it out. I was hungry but i don't have much food nor i can cook so i ordered some chicken n mashed potatoes that would soothe me. Kinda worried about the price but with the war even in the supermarket is expensive. Then i found out that terrible thing and i felt nauseus and didn't want my food and felt like poor food and poor people working at night. And how these issues took my favourite things from me - i don't want to eat, to sleep, to function. But i was like cmon just a bite because i haven't eaten and it's making me feel worse and to take a med. Was like "it's okay, just a bite so we can take a med, no pressure, If we feel nauseus we will stop. Okay we can do this, and then the med will help. You love this. You deserve it. No need to starve self. Cmon, it's not that expensive.". And turned on Nickelodeon and watched some Spong Bob, bad that it got late and it's over and i shouldn't eat so late but my order needed time. Also supermarkets are closed and i am not in a coundidion to go out. I'm saying "look what a nice sticker, what a nice sth cute". I sound like my dad's mom trying to comfort me when i was little. I then felt like "i have a problem and you're showing me sth stupid" and grandpa too, he would distract me with history. Probably that's why when i'm upset i start thinking about history. I felt like it's also not a good idea because once i'm not distracted for a second it kicks me. Wish dad would comfort me. Damn therapist giving me those ideas. Wondering what book to read because apparently now i hate all my hobbies.